Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Things I Despise, Bitch Session #2

1) Numero uno this time was mucho easy to come by. This is something that has completely grossed me out for years and years but happens to be a very sensitive subject for some. So, here I take a risk of stepping on some toes. But what the hell, it's my blog, right? So what is it, you ask? It is mothers who breast-feed children over two years old. I know, I know, plenty of people do it, and you may think it is totally normal, but for me it's just gross. I'm sorry, but once a child is able to say, "I would like some booby juice please", or stand up while feeding, or unclip your damn bra for you, it's time to say bye- bye to the breast! You could argue this point with me until you're blue in the face and I would never change my mind. I was a nursing mother and I loved the whole experience of it, but I was very happy when both my girls stopped on their own, and before a year old.

2) Okay, this just grosses me out. You know when you crack an egg into the pan and sticking to the yolk is that blob of white stuff? Well, I just can't have it! I think of it as a piece of umbilical cord from the baby chick that wasn't meant to be. Or perhaps the belly button. In any case, I know it is neither, but it must be severed and removed with a piece of shell or I will not eat the egg!

3) Very loud bass music is enough to send me running in another direction. If it's turned up just a little too much in my own car I either have to fix it or turn off the music. I can't stand the way it makes the seat vibrate and it actually makes me nauseous! You know what I'm talking about here.
I think we've all been stuck at a light either behind or next to an ugly, souped up car with the music so loud and the bass so high that their entire car is rattling and vibrating. These are usually driven by some moronic teenager or 20-something looking for attention. Their nice Bose stereos just aren't enough. No, these idiots have to spend thousands of dollars to have a huge stereo system installed in their trunk.
I've actually seen a car shimmying so badly from the bass, I thought the side-view mirrors were going to fall right off! And don't EVEN get me started on those ridiculous rims that spin! Oy!


4) Okay all you less than svelte ladies out there, don't get mad at me for this one, because I'm an absolute fatty, so it's okay for me to say this. I cannot stand seeing a fat woman in a bikini! Do these women shop at some magical bathing suit store with fairy mirrors that chop off 100 pounds in their reflection? As a big girl myself, I do my best to cover the most unattractive parts of my anatomy when going to the pool or beach. I can barely stand to look at myself; why would I force perfect strangers to do so? And when I say I don't like to see a fat person in a bikini, I'm not talking about a woman who's just packed on a couple dozen pounds.
No, I'm talking about us women 200 pounds and up that think they look desirable with their fat apron tummies hanging down to their vajayjay, their dimpled thighs and bum wiggling for all they're worth with each thunderous step. Ewwwwwwww! It's just nasty! Wear that thing for your chubby chasing boyfriend or husband, not for the masses at the beach!

I really wanted each of these "bitch" posts to have at least 5 things, but I happen to be drawing a blank of any more things I despise. Not to worry, I'm sure more will come to me in the coming weeks. So be on the look-out for #3!

Until next time, Justine :o )

21 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Lisa

    Let it all out girl! LOL

    I too nursed my girls and loved every second. But the thought of them being 2 with a mouth full of teeth on a very senstive area of my bod, well, forget it! Plus, like you said, its WRONG. I have known people who have done it and they say it is because breast milk is best. Yes, this is true but, then pump it into a cup for crying out loud! Your kid is gonna have some serious issues later.

    And the women in bikinis. ugh! 2 of the girls in that pic look like they dont even have panties on. Im all for feeling good about yourself no matter what you look like, but pack that shiznit up. Some things are better left for when you are alone.

  • The Scarlett Rose Garden

    OMG I could not agree more. Except I think it's gross to breast feed after a year, or after teeth for goodness sakes! I breast fed as well and I think it's a great thing, but yah, when they're grabbin for it...ugh... Speaking of which, thill will infuriate you! I was searching on youtube for something totally unrealated and came across zillions of breastfeeding videos on there!! Showing it! Older kids! How perverted I say.
    I've got a HUGE story about the souped up sound systems in cars too. I'll hafta post about it some time.
    And not only fattys in bikinis, but muffin tops in low rise jeans. Even skinny girls who wear pants that don't fit walk around with this. What is wrong with y'all?!
    Now see Justine, you got me riled up, lol...
    Nikki

  • Donna

    Hahhahahah you are crazy!!!! (Vajayjay) I laughed my ass off on that one! LOL!!!! Good read!!! I enjoyed!!! I needed a good laugh!

    Donna

  • Kathy

    Justine, I just saw a rather large lady in a bikini, breast feeding her five year old in the front seat of her souped up base blaring motor, I sent her over to your house for some fried eggs on toast. haha. Kathy.

    ps. I am getting quite addicted to that Barcelona nights song.

  • Justine

    Oh my goodness Kathy, you nearly made me spit out my coffee onto the computer!

    Justine :o )

  • Shelia

    I knew I could depend on my Justine to make me laugh this morning! Oh, honey how I agree with everything you've said this morning. That breast feeding business after the age of two just doesn't seem right. If the kid can talk and walk he outta be drinking out of a cup! The loud cars - boy, I hate that! Now, living in a beach town this one really gets me. We see all sorts parading up and down our seawall. Most should not be wearing those bikinis! I'm a fluffy gal myself and wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini! Some of these gals strutting all their fluff should just be ashamed of themselves! Thank you for congratulating me on my award, I'm so thrilled.

    Be the best sweetie you can be today,
    Shelia ;)

  • Bridget

    Look what you've done now! You have stirred Nikki up, spit your coffee all over yourself and shown the rest of us an image we could have lived without (bikinis!) LOL
    I have to whole heartedly agree with you! Especially on the bikinis!

  • Buffie

    OMG! LOL! Oh I couldn't agree more on all of it!!! Or how about older women who shouldn't be in a bikini either!!?? I've seen plenty of those too. I'm 48 and trim but NO ONE is gonna see my tummy at the beach!!

  • SchmeckyGirl

    Oh that reminds me!!! Tatum is weaned now!! Yay! Finally! I totally agree with the weaning by an early age. I said I'd by done by the age of around 18 months but Tatum didn't agree. She held on till 2 1/2. I know. I know. But when your daughter is screaming for booby and it's the only thing that gets her to sleep it's not easy to say no. But it's done. And I only did it at night at home. Not during the day or out of the house. I have a friend whose daughter was five and would come home from school for booby. Seriously. Gross!

    As for the eggs... I could not agree more. I don't care if it takes me longer the get those white things out than to cook the eggs. But I use a fork. They don't really clean the outside of the eggs so you shouldn't be sticking them in your eggs that you're going to eat! They have chicken vajajay all over them!!! You of all people! I'm shocked!

    Oh and it takes me just as long to clean my chicken cutlets. I remove all the sinews and stuff. Gross.

  • Tismee2

    but muffin tops in low rise jeans.

    Could someone please explain this sentence to me? What the hell are low rise jeans???? Do you mean hipsters - and why would you put a muffin in them, wouldn't you get crumbs in places you wouldn't want them?

    Oh and I totally agree with everything. Here the Corsa boys insist on driving round bass blaring with windows wound down - even in our dreadful weather. I think it's because their heads would explode with the pressure if they didn't. Now there's a thought!

  • Justine

    Becky, eggs that have the stamp of the FDA or whatever it is on the carton HAVE been washed! You're just a freak of nature!

    Although I'm the same with a cutlet. I get every tiny piece of fat and every scrap of cartlige out before I'll cook it. And then I pound them too to get them tender and thinner.

    Justine :o )

  • Shari

    Good post, Justine! I'm so with you on every one of these, ESPECIALLY #1. Along that same line...kids over 2 walking around with a pacifier or bottle stuck in their mouth send me into orbit! The older the kid is, the more it disgusts me. Fortunately, my daughter was never big on the pacifier after the first few months so that was never an issue but the day after her first birthday she was switched to a sippy cup before the bottle could become a nasty habit.

  • Tootsie

    you would scream if you saw what I saw the other day....we were at the park, and a kid the same size as my 9 year old comes over to the woman on the next bench,,,and had a big suck! I nearly puked! I must have been staring with the "look" on my face,...as she stared right back and said "what?"

    I was so grossed out that I had to take my kids home...
    Your post is hysterical...I agree about the eggs, hell...I agree about most of the whole thing!

  • Tootsie

    by the way....the last photos of the garden part....are MINE! I think they are under the annuals section.
    wait till you see what plants I bought today! ha ah

  • DishDiva aka Kay

    Hi Justine! Found your blog on Gollum's.Hope you don't mind if I hitch a ride on your funny pages. I am still working on mine.I spend so much time reading everyone elses that I am too pooped to write my own stuff.
    Those bikini gals , are they from Ponte Vedra?
    Kay

  • Elizabeth

    Here's a couple that fit in with your themes!
    1) Kids who can speak full sentences running around in public w/ a pacifier and talking around it!
    2) Obese people who think swimming in their clothes hides their fat. Just wear an appropriate 1-piece bathing suit like I do, and live with it, we all know it's there. If you feel the need to cover up the top of the thighs, go for one of those suits with swim shorts or a little skirt.

  • Kathy

    Hi Justine did not mean to make you spill your coffee, haha.

    Justine - I have been tagged, Come and play the Seven Song Tag game, I know you love your music. The rules are on my today's post, hope you have time to play along, if not, that's okay. Kathy

  • Four in Costa Rica

    We buy our eggs in Costa Rica off the shelves; they are not refrigerated and we don't need to refrigerate them. But what I really wanted to tell you is sometimes they are still a little "dirty" or have stray feathers attached to the shells. It doesn't bother me and I think our eggs in CR taste better than those I buy in the US. The yolks are a lot prettier too.

    I could totally write a "five things that p*ss me off" blog entry. I've got plenty of gripes! LOL!

    Oh, and lastly, if you can't stand fat women in bikinis you would cringe to see what women squeeze themselves into each day in CR. Clothes are worn VERY tight there. I wonder if these women need to coat themselves in Teflon just to get dressed. I should blog about that, huh?

    Christine

  • SchmeckyGirl

    Oh Justine I was thinking of you last night. No, not like that! Anyway, I was switching channels and the Tyra Banks show was on and it was about breastfeeding so I watched it. This one European woman breastfeeds her children until they are 8. EIGHT!!! They showed it and it looked so disturbing.

    She tried to tell everyone it is natural, etc but no one would hear it. Okay, maybe 3 if you want to really push it but 8!?!?!? It was gross.

    Then they interviewed her 9-year-old and she said "Breastmilk is the most delicious thing! Better than mangos. Better than any melon in the world!" She asked her mom to be allowed to suck for breastmilk for her 9th birthday present and the mother let her but she lost her sucking ability and didn't get anything. S

    he says some countries breastfeed their kids until they are 15. 15!!!! The average around the world is 4 so if most people breastfeed until a year old there are some that breastfeed till the tweens and that brings up the average.

    I felt bad for her because people said mean things about her though. LOL!

  • SchmeckyGirl

    Oh Justine I was thinking of you last night. No, not like that! Anyway, I was switching channels and the Tyra Banks show was on and it was about breastfeeding so I watched it. This one European woman breastfeeds her children until they are 8. EIGHT!!! They showed it and it looked so disturbing.

    She tried to tell everyone it is natural, etc but no one would hear it. Okay, maybe 3 if you want to really push it but 8!?!?!? It was gross.

    Then they interviewed her 9-year-old and she said "Breastmilk is the most delicious thing! Better than mangos. Better than any melon in the world!" She asked her mom to be allowed to suck for breastmilk for her 9th birthday present and the mother let her but she lost her sucking ability and didn't get anything. S

    he says some countries breastfeed their kids until they are 15. 15!!!! The average around the world is 4 so if most people breastfeed until a year old there are some that breastfeed till the tweens and that brings up the average.

    I felt bad for her because people said mean things about her though. LOL!

  • Primgal55 - Linda

    Oh Justine! Too funny girl! I am sooooo with you on all those things! LOL Kathy's comment had me wetting my pants!