Friday, July 18, 2008

My Sister, the Freak: Jillisms Round Two

So the other night I'm on the phone with Jill while she was driving to who knows where. Knowing her it was Wal-Mart. Never have met a person who spends more time in that store than Jill. She's one of those neurotic/moronic shoppers that will show up at midnight to buy the latest released DVD, as if the damn thing won't be there tomorrow morning for the same price.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, Jill has a way of saying things that make absolutely no sense, except for in her own mind. You could look at her in puzzlement and she'll just look back at you and say, "What? What did I do?" So there we were jabbering away about nothing, when suddenly she says, "Hey, have you ever tried driving with only one foot?" Imagine me holding the phone out and looking at it in puzzlement. "Jill, what the hell are you talking about, with one foot? Isn't that how everyone drives an automatic?" So she says something like, "Yeah, but I mean REALLY only with one foot!" "Jill, I REALLY only drive with one foot. What the hell is wrong with you?" And back and forth we went until she said, "NO! Like if you tuck your left foot up in a position it usually isn't in! I can't drive like that!" OMG bloggers, I wanted to bitch-slap her right through the phone. I don't care if you want to throw your left foot out the window, you should still be able to drive with your right foot, no?

These are the kind of conversations Jill is famous for. It's like you know she's intelligent, but she goes off into this other stratosphere of the incredibly dumb for a while and it's not easy bringing her back. She'll argue her "point" as if there really is a point to begin with.

In a past post I told you that if she scratches her scalp in just the right spot she sneezes. Well, last night she was IMing with me and said, "Justine! There's something I HAVE to tell you about myself. Something I never realized before." I told her to tell me tomorrow, that I needed to go to bed. "NO! I have to tell you NOW. It's important!" So I brace myself for some profound confession or some earth-shattering self enlightenment. But what does my freaky deeky of a sister say? "Justine, I just realized something I've been doing for years and years and never knew I was doing it." "Okay, like... what?", I'm thinking. Jill goes on, "Every time I sit down to pee, I have to blow my nose!"
Another one of those puzzled looks from me, but this time at the monitor screen. I said, "Goodnight Jill." She said, "No wait! It's true! I can't pee without blowing my nose, and even now that I'm thinking of peeing, my nose is starting to run!
I have to look this up online and see if there's a connection!"

Oh... my... gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you even fathom having this conversation with your 32 year old sister? Does she really think she's going to find a correlation between having to pee and a runny nose? How would one Google that anyway? I hastily told her she was a freak of nature and "hung up" the IM. She obviously didn't take kindly to this, as I woke up this morning with an email from her with one word. "BITCH". ROFLMAO! I haven't yet spoken to her today but I am mighty curious to see if she actually did try to research this phenomena.

Until next time, Justine :o )

21 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • The Scarlett Rose Garden

    HA! I have driven with my leg up in the window like that before.
    I blow my nose often while I take care of other business too... but definitely not every time!
    You use abdominal muscles to blow, which can cause one to pee I suppose, but she's already on the pot so.......hmmm. I bet she goes thru a lot of TP.

  • Anonymous

    Okay.. so I can't fight back some of the things I say are wacky but I, unlike most speak what's going on in my head instead of just keeping it to myself.

    By the way I did google "when i pee I have to blow my nose"

    The most amazing thing showed up... most people can't pee and blow their nose at the same time, it's like rubbing your belly and your patting your head at the same time!

    I am a true miracle! It's a talent, I am no longer ashamed!



  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    Omg, your sister is freaking hilarious! I am still sitting here cracking up.

    On the other hand, if I laugh too hard I start to cough hard, and when I eat, my nose begins to run. I think I should Google that to see if there is some correlation. He, he. Seriously though, it does.

    Your song for this post is perfect!


  • Bridget

    Goodness, I'm going to make a concerted effort to never blow my nose while I'm peeing! ROFL

  • Bridget

    BTW, you can tell Jill I drove with one foot today. It's okay, it can be done! LOL Seriously! I had to have my braced leg tucked over in an rather unnatural driving position and I made it to my destination just fine.

  • Tismee2

    I fear I may be of the same ilk as Jill. It is widely known in our family that 'Mum' says some really stupid things sometimes. And I always need to go to the loo when I'm on the phone. Even though I don't need to before - or even after when I put the phone down.

    The other day I took the car to get a puncture repaired, walked away to the shop before I told them which tyre it was! The poor guy had to come running after me to ask.

  • onlymehere

    You're lucky to have a sister to talk to. I have five sisters who are still living but we don't keep in touch. I don't have a very close family (the one I was born into). Jill sounds like she's a ton of fun though!

  • French

    Justine you crack me up! You do know how to tell a story! Tell Jill this~~~my father always sneezes 6 times after he and my mom do the wild thing (lol) at least that's what my mother tells me! Weird huh? See I knew we were compatible! What was your number by the way? I am glad I didn't know this as a kid would have thought it was totally gross every time I heard him sneeze LMAO! French;)

  • Shelia

    Justiney!! Oh, I'm laughing so hard! Uh, did your Mom eat too much sugar or do something to the excess while being pregnant with Jill! lol She is the funniest thing!! Oh, used to if I get to coughing I would pee - I had a very over active tee tee and had it surgically fixed!! Maybe you could talk to Jill about getting her tee tee fixed. But I don't know what we could do about that leg of hers. I've been eating too many cherries!
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia :)

  • SchmeckyGirl

    What?!?!?!? OMG! She is too funny! So are you telling it.

    Jill, you really crack me up. I loved your comment. You are speshul for sure. lol.

    So is it every time for 32 years that you blow your nose and pee or just recently? Hhhhmmm.

    As for driving with the one foot comment. I don't even know what to say. I can imagine having to drive with two feet would be hard but not sure what the hell you are talking about!??!? And the foot out the window while you drive??? Kinda white trash... lol.

  • artis1111

    Kinda aginst the law I think. I think some states , it is . My hubby says it helps if he looks at the sun to sneeze. Heeee. Of corse he has no sence of smell. . Kathy

  • Naz

    Hi Justine. I've had such a difficult time in getting to read your blog. So today I timed myself to see how long it took me. It took 3 minutes to download the blog and another 1.45 to actually be able to write in your comments page. I'm not sure what my computer's problem is. I've always enjoyed reading about your adventures. But being an impatient person it is my loss in not reading your blog daily.
    Just wanted you to know your blog is great!

  • Justine

    Naz, I don't understand it. It pops right up for me! but I do appreciate you going through the aggravation every once in a while to come visit me!!!!!!!!

    Justine :o )

  • Donna

    Hahahahahahahahahahaahah... You crack me up!!!! You and your sister both are hilarious! (LOL) French's comment made me laugh even harder. LOL....

    I will check in later... Im taking Andre out to eat...


  • Raxx - A day in the life

    Justine your little sister is crazy funny! I can so relate to people who think like her!!

    Your writing is great as usual!!

    I'm around for the weekend then gone again! sob!!!

  • Lisa

    I swear, the more I read about the Jill, the more I envision my youngest growing up like her. Ally will be talking about one thing, then jump to somehting else for a quick second, and go back to the other subject. I end up looking at her like "WTF?" I can only imagine it will get worse as she gets older.

    I love hearing stories of your sister. Cracks me up!!

  • Gayle

    Your sister sounds fantastic! I must admit that I too have often blown my nose at the same time I go to the bathroom. Not every time, but often. I think my problem is trying to multitask too much. Plus I find the act of going to the bathroom a huge waste of time. I can think of so many more things I'd rather do with my time! :)

    Anyway, you have a fun blog that I look forawrd to checking in on from time to time! Thanks for checking mine out from Gail's at squaredoff.

  • Anonymous

    Just an FYI to schmeckygirl.. :O)
    I didn't have my left leg out the window while I was driving. It would be highly impossible considering my legs are as short as most peoples arms and as thick as a tree stump. I had my foot propped up on my van door and I suddenly lost all my coordination. I am not normal and I have finally accepted it. :)


  • SchmeckyGirl

    LOL Jill!!! I was referring to the pic with the leg out the window. I didn't think you actually did that, but I might pay to see it!

    Oh and did Justine tell you I said you were sexy!??!?!

  • Anonymous

    Hey schmecky, wow my sister's gonna be pissed that I am commenting to you and not her blog. :) YES>> My sister told me you think I am SEXY! I am definately something that ends with a Y... CRAZY! :) When I was in my 20's my nick name was Sexy JJ... lol! Those were the days! After children the only thing I am is busy! :) I loved your post on the lion, made my sob!


  • jill jill bo bill

    Ask Amy about wanting to be a cow. Just ask her. I swear our sisters share a brain.