Yes, my friends, you read that right. I have eyebrows that resemble sperm! Well, to be perfectly honest with you when I was first told of this deformity of the face it was described as "guppy brows", but after really studying them in the mirror I decided they look more like sperm. Sperm swimming across my FACE! And who would be so bold as to tell me I have guppy brows that have to go? Well, no other than Bridget from My Silly Blog. Yes, THAT sweet, adorable Bridget. But she later told me that it wasn't her that called out my brows, but indeed it was her beautiful, young, Mac-cosmetic-addicted daughter, Katie.
Now let me backtrack a wee bit so you won't think too harshly of both Katie and Bridget (bitches that they are), to an email I'd sent to some of my girls. I'd attached a picture of just my eyes to show them my very sloppy eye shadow job, my long, luxurious eyelashes, and to question them about the crookedness of my brows. Yes, I already knew they were crooked, but couldn't tell if it was the actual brows, or because my nose is slightly off-kilter. Come to find out it's both. My nose is crooked and my eyebrows are too!
Anyway, I'd also told Bridget to show a picture of me to Katie so she could maybe make some color suggestions and some possible application tricks for me. All these years I've thought I was so good at applying makeup. That is until I started watching Katie's You Tube video tutorials on makeup application. I use the sponge applicator the eye shadow comes with. Katie uses a different specialty brush for every different part of the lid. I swipe my blush brush over the shadow to blend it. Katie very gently uses an actual blending brush. It takes me five minutes to put on my whole face. It takes Katie 20 minutes just for her eyes!
Oh! And did I mention that I'm now officially too old to wear "sparkly" shadows? I'm assuming that Katie is telling me the shimmer highlights my tiny little lines more than it does my actual eyes? Thirty-eight years old and now imprisoned by matte cosmetics. Could life BE any more unfair? Well, I'm going to try and embrace my droopy old eyes so I went to Walgreens tonight and picked up some new color palettes. We'll just have to see what I can do with them when my new applicator brushes (vegan approved even!) come in the mail from eBay.
So now I find myself having to leave my cosmetic ego at the door, and bow down to the advice of my new makeup guru, Katie. Don't they say the proof is in the pudding? Well, in my case the proof is in the photo-shopped picture that Bridget created to show me how I'd look in Katie's advised colors, and with my sperm- brows grown out and then waxed to perfection. Looky here and see the difference!!!!!!!
Amazing, isn't it? So, as I take this journey of growing out my sperm-brows, I'm taking your bloggy asses with me. If I have to walk around looking like Sasquatch for weeks on end, you can be damn sure I'm going to make you suffer as well, by looking at pictures of each hairy increment! You'll just never know when a hairy brow picture will show up in my blog. You may find yourself running from your computer, screaming, "My eyes! My eyes!" just as Phoebe did on Friends when she walked in on Chandler and Monica having sex. Things are gonna get ugly people! So, beware! Bwaaaa haaa haaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
*****3 hours or so later, I've decided to give you a linky to Katie's You Tube makeup tutorials. This girl has got it going on!
Until next time, Justine :o )
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