Saturday, February 27, 2010

Sunday Scramble 2-28-10

Not too sure about this one.  I usually have my SS ready to roll by Thursday or so, but this week I've been completely discombobulated and lost my SS mojo some time around Tuesday.

One reason is Mafia Wars/Farmville.  In order to get my nice big seeder on FV, I have to level up 5 times on Mafia Wars.  Since I don't normally play that game I've been going nuts trying to figure it out so I can level up quickly.  I've been declaring wars, "icing" enemies and making numerous visits to the hospital with horrible injuries.  Blood everywhere.  You can't see it, but you know you're just gushing copious amounts of it all over the place.

It's such a pleasant game.

Last night we went to our community's free comedy night up at the clubhouse.  Lots of our neighbors were there, of course, and we laughed until our faces hurt.

The opening act was funny, but our headliner was hysterical.  I think it's totally nuts that we got a comedian who's done Caroline's and HBO to come to our neighborhood.  Johnny Mac rocked!!!


We even had a taco bar catered by our local Mexican restaurant, plus drinks, including beer and margaritas. Can't beat the price of free for a show and food!

Last week's visit with the family was completely fabulous but there's too much to tell you about for a Scramble post.  If I ever get my act together I'll be able to tell you of such things as paper texts shoved under hotel room doors, observations of the many people with Brachydachtyly Type D that were in one room, my brother caressing wild animals on his iphone, and Mikayla's stripper name.

Me and my nephew, the thespian, Jonny.  Why did he have to blink just as the picture was taken?  And why can't he smile with teeth showing?

As soon as I'm done here I'm going upstairs to throw out that bra.  Droopy, squashed- looking boobies.  Me no likey.

A couple of days after our family thing Mikayla said to me, "Two days with all those Italians.  I'm pretty sure that's why I've got this headache."

I killed a scorpion yesterday.  Squished him with a paper plate.

But of course I took a picture for you first!


I'm experiencing the Wal*Mart DTs.  In an effort to try and curb spending, I've kept far from the crack house of Wal*Mart for nearly a month.  I don't know how much longer I can last though.

Might take a drive up there tonight on the pretense of needing kitty litter.

Just recently I've realized that polka dots make me happy.  I think I picked up this rare condition from BJ because if she's not singing the praises of Mackenzie Childs, then she's probably squealing like a sissy girl over her polka dots.  

No no no, not on her person.... she didn't have the pox the last time I looked.

She's just got all these great polka dotted dishes and mugs and stuff and each time I saw a picture it would make me smile.

So, while browsing Home Goods with Chessie and Michael last weekend I couldn't help but gravitate toward the dotty mugs.  I love coffee and I love the dots now too, so I can't think of a better combination.  I wanted at least two of the red ones, but dammit, they only had one.  So, I got one red and one black.  I excitedly walked through the store to find the gang and show them my prize.

Big mistake.  Jimmy bitched and whined at me because I was spending 8 whole dollars on mugs.  Mugs!  Can you imagine?  I've already got a ton of mugs, right?  Well yes I do, but not red polka dotted mugs dammit!

He tried to convince me to put them back, but I would not be deterred.  I took my mugs to the register and proudly forked out $8 plus tax.  And ya know what?  My mugs make me happy!  Happy I say!

Coffee + good book + red polka dot mug = Happy Justiney!

So when I got in the shower today I realized I'd forgotten to grab a new bar of soap.  No way was I getting out of the shower to run naked and dripping wet across the cold, slippery tile to get some either.  So what's a girl to do?

I washed my body with shampoo, that's what!  Sure, it's an inconvenience to pick the bottle up and put it down numerous times (hey, I've got a large body to soap up here!) but there are some up-sides to it.

  • I left the shower smelling like soothing lavender.  

  • My skin felt especially moisturized.

  • And my pubes have extra body and are perfectly pH balanced today.

Okay, link up my peeps!  But please, leave a comment first.  I've been feeling so comment deprived lately.  I've even contemplated quitting the blog for a while, until I think about the whole bunch of you that are so loyal to me and, I decide I just couldn't do it.

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm Dumber Than a 7th Grader

Hell, for that matter, I'm dumber than a 3rd grader.  At least when it comes to math.  I have never gotten numbers.  They're just too random for me, they don't tell a story.  Words are my thing.

To me, math is like dry toast.  Boring.  Unnecessary for the most part.  I mean, who needs unbuttered toast, and who needs Pi for goodness sakes?

But words?  Words are like a thick, juicy (but well done, please!) cheeseburger, piled with all the yummy, artery- clogging accessories it can fit between its buns.  Words you can savor and masticate until you reach complete satisfaction.  Numbers?  Ptooey!  I'm not putting that in my mouth!

And although I've always hated math and struggled through it, I kind of thought I had a semi-intelligent grasp on science.  Maybe I do, but apparently not on a 7th grade, Pre-AP, class level.

When Mikayla got home this afternoon she explained to me exactly how a thermometer works.  Okay, that one was easy to understand.  Would you like me to explain it to you? Ya know, just in case you're dumber than a 7th grader?

Nah, I'll skip it.

Because then she went on to explain why steam is much hotter and will give you a much more serious burn than boiling water.

I'll admit, that one was very hard to comprehend.  I mean, I'm pretty sure she was speaking English but then again, I could be wrong, because to me it all sounded like jkhagfdohrewoiuhfsdkajnapoiteh oiawheronfa oaweuif and that's why steam is hotter than boiling water.

I think she got a bit frustrated by my glassy-eyed stare because she threw her hands into the air and said, "How can I explain this in simple terms that you can understand?  Geez!  It's like I'm talking to a kindergarten student!"

Thanks for that note of encouragement, Bitchayla.  Way to make your mom feel like a raging moron.

What does this mean, blogger buds?  Do I need to go back to middle school and learn this stuff all over again?  If so, I'm moving to Canada under an alias, never to be found again. 

Maybe I'll become a mountie, eh?


Hey, I could rock that look!  If the outfit comes in a 3X anyway.

But come on... the curriculum has obviously changed exponentially (See?  I can do words!) since I was in school.  I'm right, right?

# of Joules (Jewels?  I like jewels!):
Q = (delta)T * M* Cp

What the hell IS that???

What is (delta)T if 22.75 of A1 is heated by 245.705?

I can't even read these damn notes, but I think the solution to the above is:  

(delta)T=12* Celsius

Dear God, you couldn't pay me to go back and learn this stuff. 

I believe I shall stick to the written word, whereas I can express my deepest emotion with superfluous, supercilious and exceedingly overdone sentences. 

That makes me happy.

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Too Proud For Words. Or Maybe Not THAT Proud.

It's not often I talk about my three nephews and, that is certainly not because I don't adore them.  It's more that I don't get to see them very often.  My brother, Jeff, and his wife, Pat, only live an hour and a half or so from me, but with me not being able to drive long distances and Jimmy's work schedule, it's not always easy to get together.

But when we are together laughter and pee pee accidents are sure to follow.

I've got a few different things to tell you about this past weekend with my family, but I'll save that for another day and instead tell you a bit about my  nephew and godson, Jonny.  He's always been an extremely loving, caring, affection guy, even as a baby.  He has also always been a bit on the shy side.  So when he took up acting in high school I never could have imagined him overcoming that shyness to become a great thespian.

Sure, I'd heard all the stories from every family member after every one of his plays.  How funny he is, how he totally embraces the character he's portraying.  His stage presence, etc etc etc.  But I never got to see him!  Me.  His godmother.  I am the only one in the whole damn family not to see him perform!

That is, until this past weekend.  This wasn't a play, but instead a fund raiser dinner for family of the thespians.  Each table would get one of the actors as their waiter or waitress while little skits from different plays and musical performances were put on.

We were not in a theater.  We were not even in an auditorium.  We were in a church hall of some sort with horrible lighting.  But I tell you what.  When my Jonny took the floor (because there was no stage to take) everything else faded away for me and all I saw was this young man exuding incredible talent that I was just now getting to see.  No matter how many eyewitness accounts I'd had, there was just no way I could fathom his talent without seeing it for myself.

And oh, I saw it.  I was stunned.  Awed.  Brought to damn tears.  There he was, doing a scene with his friend Kris, using a British accent (when the hell did he learn that?) and throwing out funny lines and I?  I was choked up and with wet, glassy eyes.

My nephew is friggin' brilliant.

I shit you not.

And he can SING!

I swear, the moment he steps out there he becomes a different person.  His body language changes, his facial expressions change, he morphs into whomever it is he's portraying.

I honestly didn't meant to go on and on about Jonny.  I was just going to post a video clip of their group musical performance and leave it at that.  But then I sat here, thinking back on watching him and I just had to try and describe the way it (he) made me feel.

Old, for one.

But proud.  Oh so very proud.

I present to you, Jonny, as male lead, in their group musical performance which won best in show at district level (and is going on to state soon!).  I'll apologize in advance for the crap quality, but Jimmy didn't bring in the tri-pod, we were at the back, and like I mentioned earlier, their lighting sucked.

But look at him with that slick vest on!

You have to admit that their talent is incredible considering they're still in their teens, no?

I cannot wait to see his last performance as a high school student next month in their rendition of The Princess and the Pea, called Once Upon a Mattress.  Once again?  Jonny's got the male lead part!  Woot woot!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Sunday Scramble 2-21-10


Welcome to another installment of the Sunday Scramble!  I won't be around this weekend but link up in any case!
  • I haven't seen my cousin, Chessie (Francesca) in oh, four years or so and boy do I miss her and her hubs, Michael!  But yay, they're down in FL from OH this week and by this weekend they'll be in my brother's neck of the woods.  Me, Jimmy and the girls will probably spend the weekend over there in a hotel so we can squeeze out as much Chessie time as possible.
  • My nephew, Jonny, is a thespian and Saturday night his drama club will be putting on a special event for family.  The "kids" (he's about to graduate from HS!) will be serving all of us dinner and then putting on short skits of their past plays.  I am the ONLY one in the family who has never seen any of his plays so I cannot wait to see even these abbreviated versions.
  • Sunday is Gianna's 4th birthday!  Jill is having the whole family at her house for dinner and cake and I just can't wait!  I haven't seen sis since Christmas Eve!!!  This will be Jill's very first time hosting a family dinner at her house.  Her old house just wasn't conducive to entertaining and The Asshole always made the thought of it an unpleasant experience anyway.
  • Jimmy has totally got me hooked on Dan Brown's books.  I'm currently reading The Da Vinci code and I love love loves it!  If you've never read these books, I highly suggest it.  Just the amount of research that goes into his work is absolutely amazing.  And because so much of it is factual, it will truly make you think about and ponder things you've always believed to be one way and consider them being a different way.  Can't explain it... you'll just have to see for yourself.
  • Because of The Da Vinci Code I really really would love to pick up a book of Leonardo Da Vinci's work.  This man was odd to be sure, but also brilliant. He was commissioned to paint many Christian scenes, but he was a pagan and painted his own beliefs right into these commissions!  Take The Last Supper.  Notice that one of the 12 men is in fact a woman, the one sitting just to Jesus's right, your left.  
  • Research shows, and many believe that is Mary Magdalene, who was Jesus's wife.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The other belief is that The Holy Grail is actually Mary Magdalene, or more specifically her womb.  The words Holy Grail in ancient times (then spelled Sang Real) meant "royal blood".  The premise here being that she carried Jesus's child and gave birth to her after he was crucified.  This would mean that there are descendants of Christ!  Controversial, no?

    • Who's been watching the Olympics?  I haven't!  I know, I know, I'm so not showing American pride.  But Mmmm... Apollo Ohno.  Oh boy is this guy HOT!

    • Grape Nuts cereal.  Ewww... totally disgusting, don't you agree?   And what was Post thinking when they named this cereal?  There are no grapes in the recipe, nor are there any nuts.  Just wheat and barley.  I can bring up the taste of this cereal any time I like, and I don't like.  It was kind of sour.  How the hell can a dry cereal be sour?  And what made Post think it was a good idea to create a cereal that was the texture of, say, rocks??? 
    Mmmm... wheat meal.  Sounds delish.  So delish I think we should heat it up until it's steaming like a big pile of poo.

    • Don't you feel so cleansed when your refrigerator is totally clean?  I attacked mine last night with a bottle of 409, paper towels and some hot, soapy water.  It looks great, no?


    There's just one teensy problem.  I can now plainly see that I have no food!!!

    Although, if you need butter or a pickle, I apparently have you covered.

    • *Edited Friday night*  This just in!  The Asshole is back in jail again!  Woot woot!  And this time it looks like it might be an actual prison sentence instead of just jail time.  Thank you Asshole, for breaking the injunction and your probation simultaneously!
    • A slightly enhanced conversation between Jimmy and and American Express:
    Jimmy:  Hi there.  I'm in need of a new card immediately.

    Amex:  No problem Mr. Jimmy.  Has your card been lost or stolen?

    Jimmy:  Erm.  No.

    Amex:  Has your card expired and we failed to send a new one?

    Jimmy:  Erm. No.

    Amex:  Well, Mr. Jimmy we'd be happy to replace your card.  Just out of curiosity, what is the reason for your request?

    Jimmy:  Ermmmmm.

    Amex:  Sir?

    Jimmy:  My dog ate it.

    I'm so glad you stopped by again this week!  Your continued visits and comments are so precious to me!

    Now what are you waiting for?  Link up and scramble with me!

    Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

    Wednesday, February 17, 2010

    Fur, Scales and Armor

    It is no secret that I love all critters, large and small. It doesn't matter to me how commonplace they may be, or how often I see them, I always get a thrill when I'm up close and personal with nature's 4-legged gifts.

    Deer are pretty prevalent right here in my neighborhood. I often see them grazing on the golf course in the early evenings and a couple of times have actually had them jump right out in front of my car. Phew! Gotta drive slow through here, and not just for the random kid darting out into the road.

    The best though is when I'm sitting out here in my bitch cave, only to look up and see one or two in my own backyard. This never happened when I lived on the other side of this street, so this has been a treat for me. Just yesterday, late in the afternoon, I glanced up only to find two beautiful deer at the edge of my yard. I took some pictures right from my seat, but going through the screen never produces the best pictures.

    So I got up and very slowly made my way to the screen door. Very quietly opened it and very quietly stepped out onto the grass. They were both looking at me with curiosity and looked ready to bolt, but for some reason (maybe they sense my love of them?) they stood their ground and let me snap my pictures. I kept moving closer and closer until I was about 15 feet away. I knew that was about as close as they'd let me. In fact, one of them did take off into John and Tracy's yard, but the other stayed and stared at me.

    Oh, she was so beautiful!

    Click to enlarge, please.

    That same night, while sitting outside I heard the brush crackling in the woods behind my house.  I knew it was an armadillo because they are so not graceful and tend to sound more like an elephant moving through the woods.

    Whereas some think they're adorable little prehistoric-looking creatures, many others hate them due to the fact that they will tear up your yard in no time flat.  I tend to think of their rooting as aerating our soil.   And boy do they.  I've got a multitude of gaping holes in the dead grass to prove it.




    Those are just a few among many.

    'Dillos are in my yard all the time, nature's little rototillers, but this night I happened to have the spotlights on in the back so was better able to get some pictures.

    Once again, I crept out the door and onto the grass very very slowly.  He/she sensed me and scurried off into the woods, but I was patient; I walked to the edge of my property and stood still, waiting for my dillo to come back out.  It was cold.... near freezing, but I was so excited about my critter that I didn't even feel my toes freezing.


    There he is, flashing his hiney at me!  Hey, I said I got pictures.  I did not say I got good pictures.  You try doing this in the dark!



    Then, last night I heard it again... the unmistakable sound of an armadillo rooting through the woods.  Once again I grabbed my camera and stealthily made my way out into the yard.  He was in my next door neighbor's yard, digging under the mulch.  Joy!


    I stood there, snapping away, each time checking Jim and Lori's windows to make sure they weren't peering out, wondering what the hell the crazy lady was doing.  Or worse, what if they mistook the flashing lights as a UFO come down to earth?

    Believe it or not, that's his face!
    Now tell me that's not one of the neatest looking creatures that you'd be happy to have tear up your yard!!!

    I have another absolutely astonishing animal to share with you, and one that not many people can say they see on a fairly frequent basis.

    These pictures are not mine.  They were taken by my MIL's best friend on Thanksgiving day as she was taking a walk through their neighborhood.

    Meet one of my favorite scaly critters.


    Yes, she was actually that close to a wild gator.  She's standing on the sidewalk which is just this side of the grass.  Pretty cool, huh?


    I've yet to see one in any of the retention ponds throughout my neighborhood but I will hold out hope!  It's one of my dreams to get that close to a gator!

    Yes, you may call the men in white now.

    Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

    We Have a Winner!!!

    That's right, we've got a winner for the Betty Crocker Fruit Flavored Snacks giveaway!

    I used which spit out #15.  And...

    #15 was....

    Blogger Resh Rene` said...
    Forget giving them to the kids...those are my FAVES!! I like to buy a box and eat them all before they get home...So your giveaway would mean my boys actually get some too! Bahaha
    Recia, if you could just send me your contact info, I'll get it to My Blog Spark right away and they'll send out your goodies!!!  Email me at  And a word of advice.  Don't even let the kids see the boxes.  Hide them away for you!


    Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

    Monday, February 15, 2010

    Betty Crocker Tattooed Mikayla's Tongue and a Giveaway

    If you are a parent and I was at your house and opened your pantry, I wouldn't be surprised to find these in there.


    Recently I was lucky enough to score a review of Betty Crocker Fruit Flavored Snacks, a product that has been a regular in my pantry for years already.  There's something about these sticky, gooey sheets of fruitiness that kids just love. Getting a tattoo on your tongue is an added bonus and just plain fun.

    This product review has been extra special because on specially marked boxes you'll find a code to enter at Win One Give One, with a chance to win a laptop.  For every laptop won, another is given to a child in Africa by Betty Crocker.  Not only that, but MyBlogSpark, who provided me this review, has already donated $25 to Win One Give One, in my name.

    Now Betty Crocker and MyBlogSpark want to take things one step further by offering this same deal to one of my lucky readers.  Two boxes of Betty Crocker Fruit Flavored Snacks will be mailed to you and a $25 donation made to Win One Give One, in your name.  You will also have a chance to enter two different codes to win a free laptop, one for you, and one for a needy child in Africa.  You can't beat that, can you?

    For a chance to win, just leave a comment on this post.  A winner will be chosen with the random number generator thingy and will be announced on Wednesday.  From there I will just need the winner's contact info and MyBlogSpark will mail out your goodies!

    So what are you waiting for?  Leave a comment and cross your fingers!

    Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

    Saturday, February 13, 2010

    Sunday Scramble

    • Bon Jovi.  I think I'm on overload here.  Ever since Jimmy announced tickets to the Circle concert on April 17th, Madison has lived, breathed and sung Bon Jovi.  Non-stop.  This morning Jimmy was kidding around with her, kind of talking in Bon Jovi lyrics code.  He'd say a random line in a song and Madison would always know the next.  Then he'd say, "Madison, who worked on the docks?"  She'd say, "Tommy.".  Jimmy would say, "Who is Tommy's girlfriend?"  Madison would say, "Gina!"
    • At one point, Jimmy said, "Madison, Mommy says you're much too obsessed with Jon Bon Jovi and she thinks you need a therapist.  I found a great doctor to bring you to.  His name is Dr. Richie Sambora."  Madison says, "Nice try.  That's the guitarist!"
    • Is this at all normal for an 8-year-old?
    • The Bachelor.  He's sweet, he's romantic, he's hot hot hot.


      • But if he doesn't discard this bimbo this week I just may lose all respect for him.

          • Bitchayla strikes again.  This time, she desecrated my Robert Pattinson calendar.  

              • I now have something tucked away in the hall closet to show definitive proof of how much stuff Strudel destroys and consumes in a month.  It's called, The Strudel Box:  Dum Dum Dum!!!  Yes, that is its name and it's quickly filling up.  At the end of the month I'll dump it and take pictures for all to see.  

                • I think I may need a bigger box.

                  Case in point:
                  All that other stuff on the floor?  Clean laundry she decided looked better gracing the carpet rather than the laundry basket.

                  • You can be mad at her so often and for so many different things, but then you catch moments like this.

                    I will overlook the fact that A) she's not allowed on the couch and, B) she's also using MY blankie!

                      • Sinead!!!!  She came over yesterday!  Oh, it was so good to clap eyes on her after 8 years.  She came sans family, and her and I went out for a very late lunch, then I brought her into Publix to show her the glory that is my favorite supermarket.  She bought plungers and shit. It was awesome.
                      • It's really kind of bizarre how long we've been friends (35 years) and how long it's been since we've even lived in the same state, and how after an hour or so of being together it just went back to being comfortable and easy.
                      • Sinead does not like TV.  So much so that she does not allow cable in her house.  No, not extended cable.  BASIC cable.   Does this sound odd to anyone else, or is it just me and my whole family that think she's a bit nutso?
                      • I made her watch an episode of Ghost Hunters International.  I think she likey.  
                      • No pictures of Nade because she's a privacy freak and I want to respect that.  Well no, I don't want to, but I feel I have to for the sake of a life-long friendship.  
                      • Sinead called me this afternoon to thank me for yesterday.  Awwww... isn't that just so sweet?  But then?  She turned into the psycho velcro friend we both agreed we abhor!  It went something like this:  "When can I come over with all my boys?  Saturday?  Oh, you're busy then?  Are you sure?  How about Sunday?  HowAboutTodayRightNowWeCanBeInTheCarAndAtYourHouseIn30Minutes..."
                      • *crickets*
                      • Okay, so I exaggerate a tiny bit.  But like I told Sinead, I'm not used to having a close friend to make plans with.  I generally don't do plans.  I tell ya one thing, oldest and dearest friend or not, if she starts showing up unannounced I shall denounce her as my oldest and dearest and then skip town.  Sorry Nade. 

                          •  Mikayla pointed this out to me this week.  (days of the week):  MTWTFSS.
                          • Should I be proud?  Or scared, perhaps? 

                            • Jimmy is going to Puerto Rico on business on Monday.  Sonofabitch.

                              Favorite Bloggy Quote of the Week:

                              • This week comes to us via Shelley (Ooh shit, am I allowed to use your real name?) of ThatGirl Blogs.
                              "Even though TheTeen calls hamburger “carcass,” she wanted to help in the kitchen so she made dinner with me.  Sweet right?  Um, yeah, imagine making this dish with a Middle Schooler.  “How big do you want your balls, Mom? You’re going to brown the balls?  Gross!” Fits of giggles.  Snorting.  Doubling over.  She even found some innuendo in the “creamy” potatoes.  Sigh.  Thankfully, TheLittles a) will eat carcass and b) are too busy telling fart jokes to laugh at ball jokes."
                              I was so glad to find out I'm not the only one that makes inappropriate anatomy jokes with my child.

                              Now come on peeps, link up and join the fun!!!

                              Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

                              Don't Forget!

                              Don't forget to link up your Sunday Scramble post!  Mr. MckLinky will be up and running later tonight!!!!

                              Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

                              Monday, February 8, 2010

                              Boundless Joy

                              If you are a dog owner you have probably noticed that your furry friend loves nothing more than running around wild and untethered, romping with their brethren, getting down to their true roots of being one within a pack.

                              The best place for our dogs to get this enjoyment?  The dog park!

                              Unless, of course, you live on multiple acres and have a whole crapload of dogs, then you can just stay home.

                              A couple of weeks ago I went along with the fam to the dog park Jimmy and Strudel love.  It's nothing fancy... just a large pond in the middle and then grass surrounding it in an oval.  Lots of room for the dogs to stretch their legs and the more aquatically inclined can get their swim on.

                              Look at the beautiful pit bull puppy.  Aw, they are so cute and innocent looking at this age!

                              (Please click the photos to enlarge.  It really pisses me off how small the "large" setting is, and how huge the "extra large" setting is.)

                              I tried my camera's continuous photo setting for the first time and holy crap, I didn't realize it takes a picture like every millisecond!  I had to delete no less than 200 pictures when I got home.  But, it was pretty neat to find this series of pictures, showing Strudel shaking off the water.

                              I was mesmerized by this one black lab named Duke.  I don't think I've ever seen a dog more in love with the water, or with as much stamina.  For a full hour he did nothing but swim out to get the tennis ball and bring it back to his human.  So well trained and gorgeous.

                              Mikayla got this quick clip of him.  Look at how intent he is on his human and the ball.  The other dogs are running all over the place and he doesn't even give them a glance.

                              Gotta love that belly flop!

                              Strudel has such a great time running with the other dogs. In fact, she tends to run herself into exhaustion, and once in a while she just has to plop her furry ass down and take a breather. Let the other dogs sniff her while she stretches out. It doesn't matter to her that she's stretching out in muddy water, or that it is absolutely frigid.

                              She reminds me of a gator the way she pulls herself along while still lying down. But then... she's off again!

                              Remember what she looks like after a romp in the park when Daddy has been too lazy to give her a bath?

                              Well, when Mommy is there she makes sure we make use the accommodations.  And don't let the picture fool you.  I basically took over from there.  Jimmy is too squeamish to clean Strudel's girly parts.

                              That water too is completely freezing, but at least it's clean and when she comes home and dries off she looks more like this.

                              And yes, she does have a leash on while in the house.  It's rarely off of her lately because with it on, when she takes something she's not supposed to, sometimes we get lucky and as she's running away we step on the leash and she's stopped in her tracks.  More times than not though, I'm made to chase her round and round in a circle trying to get whatever it is she's grabbed.  There have been some close calls when I've stuck out my leg to step on the leash and have nearly landed myself in a fat lady split.  

                              I'll leave you with that delightful imagery. 

                              Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

                              Saturday, February 6, 2010

                              Sunday Scramble

                              Here I am again, twisted and disconnected thoughts awaiting your perusal.  Let's get started, shall we?

                                • Thursday was Strudel's 1-year birthday!  We celebrated by doing... nothing.  According to Golden  owners far and wide, a  Golden Retriever stays in the puppy stage for a good 2 years.  Yay me. Not sure I can survive it.  This week?  She ate two pencils, my new-ish throw pillow, the new, $20 remote Jimmy just bought a couple weeks ago, another People magazine and a tennis ball. All dogs love tennis balls, right?  Well, Strudel loves them so much that she tears them into teeny tiny pieces. 

                                Gotta love this dog.  Or hate her.  I'll leave it up to you.

                                  She looks so innocent, but I promise you, she's not.  In fact, she's not even allowed on the couch!

                                    • Wednesday night I was running late to pick up the girls at CCD (religious education).  I was shoveling spaghetti in my face as quick as I could but even so only had time to eat half of it.  I quickly grabbed my purse and ran out the door.  Halfway there I realized I was wearing my slippers (okay, I'll be honest and say I pick them up wearing my slippers most of the time, and on purpose) and no bra.  Yes, no bra... with the DDs flappin' in the breeze.  I had to walk to their classrooms with my arms crossed over my chest. Not an easy feat considering my boob to arm- length ratio.
                                    • Sinead and her family are here!!!  Not sure when I'll get to see her because they're in a kind of moving-from-Hawaii limbo.  They're here, but all their shit is somewhere on the Pacific ocean.  It could be a month or more before they have any furniture.   While on the phone with Nade yesterday she whined in my ear, "It's cold here!  I don't like it!  I want to go back to Hawaii!"  What a pussy.  This is Florida, she's from NY for cripe's sake, where we used to endure blizzards.  She's crying because it's 65 degrees. She may just wake up on Sunday and start sobbing when she realizes the high for the day is only supposed to be 56 degrees.  Bwaa haa haaaaaaaaaaaa!
                                    • Do your tomatoes wear diapers?  Well, mine do.  But only the ugly ones.  I shit you not, I even took a picture for you. 

                                        Why do they call these ugly tomatoes?  I don't think they're ugly at all.  Nice and red and with just a few puckery wrinkles.  To me, that just gives a tomato character. Sure, this one has a tiny bruise but it's not his fault... someone obviously mishandled him.  Poor thing.

                                        So as I was saying, Publix always seems to have the ugly tomatoes in these foam diapers.  Can't for the life of me figure out why.  And isn't this discrimination against the Romas, the fresh-on-the-vines, the Beefsteaks, etc. etc.?  Why don't they get foam diapers?

                                        • Okay, who here has read Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol?  This is so not my typical kind of read, but after hearing Jimmy nag me for months on end to read it, I either had to actually crack it open and give it a try, or take the book and bash him over the head with it.  Whereas I wish I could say I did the latter, I'm actually glad I did the former.  This book rocked my face off, as Amity would say.

                                            And now I have him reading this series...


                                            Frickin' awesome books, but I don't think he's ever read a book with actual sex scenes in it.  I may have traumatized him for life.  Goody!
                                            • As I sit here out in my bitch cave in the absolutely freezing 61.5 degree weather, I can hear Mikayla inside, yelling at Jimmy.  She just said, "Daddy! Stop it with the popcorn now!  You're disgusting!"  Jimmy has this thing with eating the un-popped kernels and I can attest that the sound of him crunching them is, in fact, disgusting.

                                            • And now, for my favorite bloggy quote of the week:
                                            This one comes to you from my friend Recia, at The Crazy Train.  The reason this quote had me peeing my pants is because Mikayla just pulled this one on me a few weeks ago.

                                            "If you are the spanking probably have good kids...but in some places it's frowned upon. CHILDREN KNOW THIS...who the hell told them? SO they might respond to their punishment with "I'll call CPS" and you can respond with..."well they'll have to find your body first" :)"
                                            •  Note to Self:  Please remember Recia's come-back to that particular threat.

                                              Now come on in and link up with Mr. MckLinky!!!  I'll love ya forever if you do!

                                              Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!