Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sleep Study Results Are In!


And unfortunately, the results ain't pretty. I got a call from the sleep institute this afternoon and basically heard this: "Hi Justine. We've just received an urgent fax from your doctor's office, telling us that you need to have another sleep study done as soon as possible, this time with a CPAP machine. According to the test, you stopped breathing an average of 101 times per hour."


Say what? Did I hear her correctly? Did she just tell me I stopped breathing 101 times per HOUR? I actually asked her to repeat herself because I thought I had heard wrong. Nope, I'd heard right. I have a massively severe case of sleep apnea. K then told me that she had an opening for tonight, and for tomorrow night, but not in the clinic that's close to my house, instead one that's near downtown Jacksonville. I told her I was unable to drive myself that far and could I get in at the other clinic this week? Nope, no openings and she didn't want me waiting until October 3rd. I told her I'd have to speak to my husband and get back to her.

Now let me just say here that I pride myself on my utter honesty in all parts of my life. And I've always been honest on my blog too, just sometimes skimming over some minor details that would make me sound like I'm husband bashing or disparaging my husband's character. But after the conversations I've had today I've decided not to worry about that anymore. If I'm writing about something in particular, and he's adding to that situation by being a complete asshole, I'm not going to keep it to myself anymore. This is my blog. This is how I vent. I don't care who reads it, whether it's his friends, his mother, his damn boss. If he can't treat me with respect, he doesn't deserve my respecting his privacy on my damn blog. Treat me like a dog, and from now on this dog will bark for all to hear.

Anyway, when I made my call to Jimmy I was a nervous wreck and started getting really upset. When he answered I was actually crying but not hysterical or anything. I just told him about the test results and that I'm very scared. When I told him they really wanted me there tonight he said, "Well, you'll have to ask them if you can show up late because I have a softball game I'm not gonna miss." In my state of anxiety it didn't even occur to me just how selfish that statement was, and I said, "That's fine. We can do it tomorrow night then. I'm just really scared." Next thing out of his mouth was something like, "Well, it's your fault isn't it? You've let yourself get heavier and heavier and you just keep smoking. Until you lose weight and quit smoking you're not getting one bit of sympathy out of me." Click.

Does this hurt me? Not hardly, to be honest. You'd have to feel loved to be hurt by someone. What it does do is piss me off that he gets away with this type of behavior all the damn time but no one aside from my family and close friends knows about it. I'm sure I'll later regret putting this out there in blogland, but right now I'm so sick of feeling sick, so tired of being tired, and so over being treated like a third class citizen in my own house, that I just don't give a shit!

Sorry this was such a bummer of a post, but hey, I'm keeping it real, right?

P.S. When I spoke to my ENT he said I'd broken his record as having the worst apnea he's ever experienced in his career. Yeah for me!


25 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • morninglight mama

    WOW. I'm not even sure what to say here, but let it be said that the lack of support or caring or kindness or love is awful! I hope you get into another study soon-- girl, you've got to breathe! Literally!

  • Buffie

    Well you told it how it is....I'm really sorry you're going through this, I know it must be scary as hell!!! I'm worried sick for you and I'm praying REALLY hard for you Tiney!!!!!

  • Penny

    Yuu vent all you want. We're your friends.

    XOXO,
    Penny

  • Lisa

    Hey, way to go on setting a record. Too bad its the worst of something, huh?

    I hope the CPAP works and you are able to get used to it relatively quickly. I am sure you will be amazed at how much better you feel after you truly get a great nights sleep.

    As for the hubby thing...it is your blog, not his. You can put whatever you like on it. I am sorry he is treating you this way. Although things like wieght and smoking do contribute to sleep apnea, it is also hereditary. He should not have said those things to you whether they were true or not. He should be your first supporter no matter what.

    Hang in there Justine.

  • Chris

    I feel your pain. That is a severe result. And with that kind of news you didn't need to hear nasty remarks like that. Some men are very selfish and self centered, you're not the only one to have one.Now, about you, try to get the kids to bed then go take a long hot bath and relax. Don't take this to bed with you. You are a very pretty woman with beautiful girls, so take care of yourself, sweetie.

    Hugs.
    Chris

  • Jessica

    Oh Justine! I am worried about you...I do hope you get in tonight or tomm. night. I know our lifestyle might contribute to an already existing condition...but at your young age I don't believe for one minute it has caused it! Literally...block his words out of your mind and chalk them up to pure ignorance....and focus on getting the help you deserve. I would remind him that while you know he will have to be informed of things in your "life," but you will in no way look to him for any emotional support cause evidentally that well is DRY! I have one of "those husbands" and all I can say is I pray that one day I don't have to depend on his butt to care for me. "Dear Lord just please let me live long enough to raise my children...."
    Ugh....vent vent vent....that is why we are hear to be your sounding board.
    Keep us posted please, in the meantime....prayers for my newest bloggy friend Justine!

  • Elizabeth

    WOW! I'd get a ride from someone else and drop the kids at his softball game!
    I have a friend who would fall asleep driving and at work because her apnia was so bad. When it's that bad weight and smoking are just tiny pieces of it, the rest is just the regular you.
    Thanks for posting my button during all your craziness!

  • Donna

    Justine,

    I am truly concerned about your test results. I am equally concerned with how you are feeling. Please relax tonight! You vented and it must feel like a bit of a relief to have let a little bit of that go. This is your blog and we are your friends. You need support right now, not blame. Shame on Jimmy for treating you that way.

    Get to that Sleep Study tomorrow Justine. After that, work on YOU at your own pace... and whatever changes you make, make them for you!

    Big Hugs Girl!!!!
    ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
    Donna!!!!

  • Donna

    Party is over... everyone is passed out or has gone home. I have a little post for you... stop by, I think you could use it!

    xoxoxoxo
    Donna

  • Mama

    Donna is right Justine, think of YOU right now, get your study done, it would have been so much easier if you had the support from Jimmy but the main thing is that you get your health sorted out, we are all here for you, biggest hugs, Kathy.

  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    My heart hurts for you to hear how you were treated with such lack of concern. Sure people shouldn't smoke, but I know people with sleep apnea who never smoked a day in their lives! And sleep apnea can certainly contribute to the weight gain, not be caused by it. It's hard to do anything when you're tired all the time!

    He needs to take this seriously and realize that apnea is life threatening! I'd like to knock him off his high horse right about now. Got an extra tuna steak?

    Kady

  • Stephanie

    Ok, first of all, he's being an ASS and if I was there I would kick him in the NUTS. Those comments are ridiculous, and I'm so sorry that was his reaction.

    Also, this sleep apnea is a scary thing, but at least they caught it and you're going to get it fixed/treated/handled and be fine.

    I think you are wonderful, I know that your sleep issues are NOT your fault no matter what he says, and you will be fine.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers, my friend.

    Best,
    Stephanie

    PS - May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your husbands jock strap mere minutes into his all important soft ball game.

  • santamaker

    ((( Justine ))), so sorry girl. You know that you are loved and accepted here in your little blog world. You can say anything you heart desires. Wish I could drive you! Could you take a cab?!? Find a babysitter and get your butt in there and take care of Justine! Sorry Jimmy is being so selfish and unsupportive, you deserve soooo much better. Please write and say that you are going in tomorrow night and hang in there!
    We love you!!!!
    Santa

  • artis1111

    Deartes Justine, after this is overstart thinking about getting out in the world and getting a job. I was a stay home wife and went through abuse. Physical and mental with my first husband.. I finally went to school to be a hairdresser and started to believe in myself again.He had gotten my selfesteem so far down , I almost didn't come back. There is a world out there waiting to lift you up.My hubbie now knows how far I have come! Kathy

  • Tootsie

    You already know my thoughts on JIMMY.....but I hope you know how special you are to many of us. I also am worried that your being afraid to sleep now will make things worse. I do hope you get to that place as you need some help...I am so worried about you girl...
    as for Jimmy....I am sure his mother would not be proud to know she raised a selfish, arrogant, ignorant and cold hearted jerk. I do hope he sees this and opens his eyes

  • Karen

    My first husband actually had to take a shower before he could take me to the hospital when I thought I might be having a heart attack! So I know a little of how you are feeling. Will keep you in my prayers that the sleep clinic can help you. My husband knows someone who has sleep apena and uses a machine at night. I guess for oxygen. Karen

  • Naz

    My sister inlaw's doctor dubbed her the poster child for sleep apnea. She uses a breathing machine nightly which has an oxygen tank. The machine is loud but it's something she NEEDS to use nightly. It helps her greatly. Don't be afraid...now you will get the proper sleep that your body needs. Take care of yourself because your daughters need you.

    (((((((((((Justine))))))))))))

  • Smilingsal

    I'm stunned that your husband would react like this. I can only imagine that he doesn't understand how serious this condition could be. It's not widely known.
    We had a neighbor who had to have surgery because the machine didn't seem to do it for him. However, after surgery, he is FINE!

  • Bridget

    Sorry I couldn't post a comment sooner but you already know how I feel about Jimmy and his softball game. He needs a hard kick in those softballs.

  • Raxx - A day in the life

    Sorry I could not respond last night Justine I really had a MAJOR headache, I'm off to the doc today too.

    Girl, you are on the right track, you are getting yourself checked out and as long as you follow it up you will actually feel better! Then I believe a whole new world of possibilities would open up to you! because you wont need so much sleep during the day anymore.

    Youre a strong willed lady and super intelligent too, you've got your loving sis close to you, lean on her and on us!!

  • Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden

    Holy shit girl, I knew your hub's new "healthy lifestyle" was going to bring out the diet monster, but I had no idea he'd be that bad!

    At first I thought you said CRAP machine, lol! Well, it probably seems that way.

    I'm thinking of you sweetie~ I don't know what else to say!

  • Rhea

    Justine, I'm so sorry! It's so scary to find out you stop breathing so many times a night, and then on top of that to have an unsupportive husband. :o(

    C-pap machines are supposed to really help. My dad has had one for like 30 years or something. Just think how much better you'll feel. I hope this second study, with the machine, solves things and helps a lot.

    Hang in there, sweetie.

  • Mary De Bastos

    OMG! I hope you are ok!!!!
    I'm praying for you!!!!!!!
    keep us updated on whats happening...

  • nikkicrumpet

    I don't know your husband...but I hope you won't be offended if I call him an insensitive asshole. How could he not be supportive at a time like this. Doesn't he have any idea of how tired you must be! And how this isn't something that is FUN...this is HORRIBLE! What a TOAD! Wait...I apologize to toads everywhere. I can't imagine how rough it must be to be so run down. I feel sorry for myself when I don't get 8 hours a night! My heart goes out to you and I'll keep you in my prayers...good luck with the new study. Hopefully they'll get this thing figured out and get you well again. And when you have more energy you can KICK YOUR MAN'S ASS!

  • SchmeckyGirl

    OMG! You blogged it and I missed it!

    Good for you! I hope he reads this.