Friday Fragments

Well, here I am again, with permission to be as discombobulated as I please. Ah, that's the beauty of Friday Fragments!




Bitch of the Week: Jill Again!

Okay, well all know sister Jill loves me, right? Right! But there are times that I'm hard pressed to truly believe it. Especially when she says things like this:

"Justine, you really need to get a different CPAP mask. The snausages are giving you a pig snout."

Really sis, that is so rude and completely untrue! Why, my nose is just as petite and adorable as it's always been!






That same day she dropped another bitch bomb on me, this time while she was sitting in the "stylist's" (and I use that term very loosely for anyone who works at a chain hair joint) chair at Great Clips.

Now keep in mind that I had no clue we would be going anywhere that day, so aside from actually putting on a bra so as not to scare young and old alike with my pendulous bosom, I did not do my hair or makeup. I went au naturale.

So there I am, sitting at the station beside Jill, listening to her telling the "stylist" exactly what she wants done and exactly how she should go about doing it. To make her point crystal clear she pointed to me and said, "I do not want my hair to look like hers."

Squee!!!!! She did not just say that! Oh yes she did! Is it my fault that I didn't do my hair because we weren't going anywhere that day? Is it my fault that I was too impatient to wait for a cut from either Larry or Sasha, so took Kristen's advice and went to the new spa right near the house? The spa that is all uppity, with mimosas chilling in a decanter, relaxing music tinkling through invisible speakers and wanna-be Tabithas at every station?


Is it my fault that the dumb bitch who cut my hair thought I needed a little bit more here, and a bit more there and then proceeded to charge me $50 (plus tip!) to walk away looking like she hadn't cut even one hair?

Okay yeah, so all of that is my fault. But did Jill have to rudely point it out? No she did not! Oh sister dear, you are so going to hate payback when it comes!

Hmmm... Where will my melon lead us now?

Trailer Trash?

Ya know how when you go buy a live Christmas tree, the handy-dandy tree lot boys tie the tree securely to the top of your car? Well, I just noticed yesterday that there is still a big hank of orange string attached to my luggage rack. From last year. Like 10 months ago. Orange. On my car. From last Christmas.




Patheticness. (it's a word because I say so)

Wanna know what's really pathetic? Today I stopped by the library to feed my insatiable addiction to the written word. I knew I had a fine for over-due books, but when the woman told me I owed 15.30 I nearly pooped myself. What the hell? How is that even possible when I can check my account online and even renew the books if I can't make it to the library when they're due? It's not like I can claim that I'm rarely on the internet and therefore cannot check my account. I'm still sitting here puzzled over the fact that I let my .10 a day per book get me into $15 worth of debt to the damn library. And that damn library? Just changed their fines to .25 a day per book. Rut roh. I'd better bookmark the website and set up reminders for myself or I'll have to go in there with my American Express at the ready next time.

Swine Flu.

This thing is a horrendous bitch and has apparently been mutating itself. I was told that once you get it you can't get it again. Hmph. Lies! My friend Ethel's son had it last month, and guess what? He's got it again, and this time a million times worse. And as if having the pig flu isn't bad enough, he also just tested positive for mono! Egads, the poor kid.



Single Parenthood.

It sucks and it's basically been my life since the end of July. Jimmy has always had to do quite a bit of traveling in his position but these past few months have just been beyond pathetic. A huge pizza dough-making job in Tennessee that's gone wrong wrong wrong. At no fault of Jimmy or his company, mind you, but the people they hired to install the equipment. But, Jimmy is the head of the project and apparently the head honcho of the pizza dough-making plant thinks Jimmy is the only one capable of getting things done right and demands that he be present at nearly all times. So, Monday through Friday he lives in TN and on weekends he visits home. Lucky bastard doesn't have to put up with Bitchayla's tween angst but for 48 hours a week.

Destructo

I got my new cell phone this week. It's a cool Samsung Behold with a touch screen.




The charger?

Strudel ate it.



Anyone want a golden retriever?



Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!