Thursday, October 8, 2009

Friday Fragments

Well, here I am again, with permission to be as discombobulated as I please. Ah, that's the beauty of Friday Fragments!

Bitch of the Week: Jill Again!

Okay, well all know sister Jill loves me, right? Right! But there are times that I'm hard pressed to truly believe it. Especially when she says things like this:

"Justine, you really need to get a different CPAP mask. The snausages are giving you a pig snout."

Really sis, that is so rude and completely untrue! Why, my nose is just as petite and adorable as it's always been!


That same day she dropped another bitch bomb on me, this time while she was sitting in the "stylist's" (and I use that term very loosely for anyone who works at a chain hair joint) chair at Great Clips.

Now keep in mind that I had no clue we would be going anywhere that day, so aside from actually putting on a bra so as not to scare young and old alike with my pendulous bosom, I did not do my hair or makeup. I went au naturale.

So there I am, sitting at the station beside Jill, listening to her telling the "stylist" exactly what she wants done and exactly how she should go about doing it. To make her point crystal clear she pointed to me and said, "I do not want my hair to look like hers."

Squee!!!!! She did not just say that! Oh yes she did! Is it my fault that I didn't do my hair because we weren't going anywhere that day? Is it my fault that I was too impatient to wait for a cut from either Larry or Sasha, so took Kristen's advice and went to the new spa right near the house? The spa that is all uppity, with mimosas chilling in a decanter, relaxing music tinkling through invisible speakers and wanna-be Tabithas at every station?

Is it my fault that the dumb bitch who cut my hair thought I needed a little bit more here, and a bit more there and then proceeded to charge me $50 (plus tip!) to walk away looking like she hadn't cut even one hair?

Okay yeah, so all of that is my fault. But did Jill have to rudely point it out? No she did not! Oh sister dear, you are so going to hate payback when it comes!

Hmmm... Where will my melon lead us now?

Trailer Trash?

Ya know how when you go buy a live Christmas tree, the handy-dandy tree lot boys tie the tree securely to the top of your car? Well, I just noticed yesterday that there is still a big hank of orange string attached to my luggage rack. From last year. Like 10 months ago. Orange. On my car. From last Christmas.

Patheticness. (it's a word because I say so)

Wanna know what's really pathetic? Today I stopped by the library to feed my insatiable addiction to the written word. I knew I had a fine for over-due books, but when the woman told me I owed 15.30 I nearly pooped myself. What the hell? How is that even possible when I can check my account online and even renew the books if I can't make it to the library when they're due? It's not like I can claim that I'm rarely on the internet and therefore cannot check my account. I'm still sitting here puzzled over the fact that I let my .10 a day per book get me into $15 worth of debt to the damn library. And that damn library? Just changed their fines to .25 a day per book. Rut roh. I'd better bookmark the website and set up reminders for myself or I'll have to go in there with my American Express at the ready next time.

Swine Flu.

This thing is a horrendous bitch and has apparently been mutating itself. I was told that once you get it you can't get it again. Hmph. Lies! My friend Ethel's son had it last month, and guess what? He's got it again, and this time a million times worse. And as if having the pig flu isn't bad enough, he also just tested positive for mono! Egads, the poor kid.

Single Parenthood.

It sucks and it's basically been my life since the end of July. Jimmy has always had to do quite a bit of traveling in his position but these past few months have just been beyond pathetic. A huge pizza dough-making job in Tennessee that's gone wrong wrong wrong. At no fault of Jimmy or his company, mind you, but the people they hired to install the equipment. But, Jimmy is the head of the project and apparently the head honcho of the pizza dough-making plant thinks Jimmy is the only one capable of getting things done right and demands that he be present at nearly all times. So, Monday through Friday he lives in TN and on weekends he visits home. Lucky bastard doesn't have to put up with Bitchayla's tween angst but for 48 hours a week.


I got my new cell phone this week. It's a cool Samsung Behold with a touch screen.

The charger?

Strudel ate it.

Anyone want a golden retriever?

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

19 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Jason, as himself

    So many things to address here! But I'll go with the library fine thing. One I had a fine of $32.00!!! I actually DID poop myself, right there in front of the librarian. It ran down my leg and into my shoe.

    I had a bunch of books and videos. Back then the fine for overdue videos was $2.00 a day. This was all back when I had NO MONEY AT ALL. So I didn't eat that week.

  • Ginger

    I couldn't afford Strudel...or I should say to replace everything she eats. She must have the strongest teeth ever.
    OK, I would crap myself too...$15.30 in over due fines at the library? Darn, how long did you have those books? You should of asked if you could work it off. lol.
    Hope Missie's son feels better. That's awful to have the flu again and then mono too.
    Hope Jill likes her haircut.
    I'm cracking up at your Christmas tree tie on your luggage rack.

  • AndreaLeigh

    my dogs are currently going through a paper eating stage. toliet paper, paper towels, because whatever they can get their hands on and shred.

    i feel your pain about the library. the last time I went I had a $20 fine - wth??

  • Bird Shit and Baby Caca

    $15.30 library charge! You could've bought the books with!

  • Tabby

    Hi Justine :)
    You just crack me up and I sure do need some laughter right about now. I have those days when I go out ala natural and pray to God nobody I know see's me...LOL I love your new phone, sorry about your charger! How long does Strudel stay in this chewing stage? I had a little bit of a hard time reading this just and fyi can you maybe make the font darker. I hope you have a great weekend!

  • cindy

    Gawd! I hope you cut that string off!..Maybe you could have Strudel's teeth extracted...?....Have a great weekend!

  • squawmama

    Good Morning girlfriend... Great fragments! You need to feed that Strudel more food....LOL She is so darn cute I know you forgice her right away... Phone is awesome I got a touch screen phone this year too and lovin it... Have a fun filled day!


  • ~Thought's By Dena~

    I found my way over to you thru Georgie's Mr. Linky for the Secret Santa Soiree. Wanted to stop by and say hello!! Oh and if it helps I do feel your pain with the dog chewing stuff..I have one that loves to chew up MY one elses just mine!!! Plus MY charger for the phone..and he eats toilet paper..ugh the list goes on!!!

  • ♥georgie♥

    Oh i am NOT LOL at the sisterly love!

    What a GREAT FF
    we are so glad you are joining us for the SSS this yr!

  • Robin Costello (Delswife)

    Oh Strudel...You're in trouble!


  • Grand Pooba

    Hey, will you come with me to my next hair appointment so I can show them what I don't want?


  • blueviolet

    Let's give your Jill a pass this time because of her situation but JUST ONE!

    I'm glad Strudel ate the charger and not the phone itself.

    When did libraries get so expensive? I thought it would be penny fines. Sheesh.

  • wendy

    Maybe you just need to hit your sis with your CPAP
    (my former husband had one of those) I always told him it made him look like a Rhino (sorry my dear)
    It is outrageous what people charge for a haircut these days (style)
    Before moving up here, my daughter (she is a stylist) always did my hair for FREE and it looked Fabulous Darling.

  • bj

    I love coming over here and partaking of your INCREDIABLE (sp?)
    sense of humor.
    Dang...that's a pretty stiff fine for a library. I read once that Goldie Hawn and K. Russell had over $400.00 due at the video store. Seems he threw the videos/dvds in the trunk of the car and forgot them!! GOOD GRIEF..

    All you have to do is bat those pretty brown eyes of yours at Jimmy and promise him a few "favors"..yep, you know what I mean...and he'll take you to Cracker Barrel any time!! :O)
    xo bj

  • Elizabeth

    I just don't get my hair cut!

  • Anonymous

    You have one Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad doggy.

    Love that you've been sporting an orange ribbon on your car. ;)

    Girl, I gotta tell my old age of 29 I am having the hardest times reading your posts with the new background. Please, for the sake of my eyes, make your font black or something dark.

  • Anonymous

    Much better!

  • Tootsie

    looks like life as usual around your
    hope you have a good weekend

  • Mariah

    SEnd me Strudel! I have the EXACT same orange string on my car from xmas. I'm thinking keep it there until this xmas rolls around :)