Saturday, October 31, 2009

Don't You Wish You Could Probe My Canal?

I'm often told by others that I'm a bit of a whack job. A bit odd. A bit quirky-dirky. So it shouldn't come as any surprise that I tend to attract insane people to me like a magnet.

Recently, I mentioned my friend Ethel, who lives across the street. Remember? She was having major surgery a couple months ago?

Well, the week prior to her surgery her and I were standing out on her driveway, flapping our gums as we're wont to do.

It was an hour or so later that Ethel IM'd me on Facebook. It went something like this:

Ethel: "Check your right ear. I thought I saw some dirt or something in the curve."

Me: "Huh? I just cleaned my ears this morning." *Sticks finger in ear and all around curves*

Me: "I don't feel anything there, Ethel. Where exactly?"

Ethel: "In the curve under the first curve."

Me: *crickets*

Ethel: "Do you want me to come over there and look for you?"

Me: "No! I do not want you looking in my ear!" (Madison, get me a q-tip!)

Ethel: "Really, I'll just come over and take a look. I've got all kinds of ear cleaning implements I could bring."

Me: *crickets* "Erm... okay?"

Now keep in mind that Ethel is an R.N. and she thrives on any kind of gore or nasty medical stuff. Her hubby, Fred, is a surgical assistant and enjoys the same.

Within minutes Ethel was standing in my kitchen with a handful of scary looking stuff, including some very potent 91% rubbing alcohol. Oh, and her 14-year-old son came along too. Armed with his camera. I should probably mention that he wants to become a doctor so is also into the disgusting medical stuff. Ugh.

So I turned my ear over to Ethel and her torture devices (gives new meaning to the saying, "lend me your ear.") while both her son and Mikayla videoed and took still shots of the humiliating procedure. And really, you know that anything humiliating, even to myself, has to be shared with all of you. Even though I hadn't done my hair that day, or put on a speck of makeup. Even though I was wearing a mens' tank top and did in fact look like a man. I'm still sharing, 'cause I'm wacky like that.

Ethel immediately spotted what she thought she'd seen earlier in my driveway... errrr... my ear, but then got totally distracted by minuscule little blackheads. They'd been there for years and Jill had mentioned them over and over again, but what was I supposed to do with them? You can't easily squeeze the inside of your damn ear! Little did I know that there's this neat little device made especially for popping those hard to reach pimples. Pooba, you may want to think about purchasing one of these for the next time you get an elbow pimple.

So Ethel went to town on me and I have to say, she was enjoying herself just a wee bit too much.

Obviously, I, was not.

Yeah, she got my left ear too. I was so sad to be experiencing all of this without Jill present that I decided to call her during the "procedure".

Do I look thrilled, or what?

Anyway, that thing Ethel thought she saw in my ear turns out to be some kind of cyst. Her and Fred say it looks like a sebaceous cyst so I'll have it checked out by my doctor the next time I see her.

Oh yeah, Fred was called to come over and look at it too! Oh, the joy!

Ethel, pointing out to Fred the bump in my ear canal. By this point my spirit was broken, I was now nothing more than a medical phenomena to be poked and prodded.
I must just endure...

Hey, at least my eyebrows looked good, right?

I'll warn you now, this next picture is of the "bump" as I'm calling it. Not the clearest picture but you can definitely see why Ethel noticed it, even if it is halfway down my friggin' ear canal.

But here's the fun part, peeps! I told you Mikayla was taking video with my camera, and I'm willing to share it with you, even though I look like a man. This should especially be appreciated by Ginger because she recently asked me if I have an accent. Growing up on Long Island, of course I do, but it's much milder than you'd hear from recent NY transplants.

Keep in mind that Mikayla's video skills suck and Strudel did not stop barking the entire time. So here you go... my final humiliation.

If this doesn't prove my love for you, nothing will.

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

24 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Anonymous

    That actually would be something fun in my eyes too. Hehe. Although I can't watch the whole video because I'm currently eating breakfast....

    Thanks for sharing! Too funny!

  • Tootsie

    even ear wax is an adventure at your house. I hope you do get that checked

  • Cole

    You must really trust Missie to let her do that to you!!

  • ~Mary

    OK, so did she pop it?! Did anything come out? I have this thing about popping things. I can watch for hours on You Tube the popping zits videos. It draws me in!

    I can't wait to find out what is in it!

  • squawmama

    OMG... how funny was this.... It was really EARrie! Great photos and PLEASE go to the doctor... popping things can lead to infections which can lead to trouble. Watch Dr. Oz (ha ha)

    Love Ya!!!
    Happy Halloween

  • Swirl Girl

    I would run if they said they saw something funny on your inner thigh...subasceous or not!

    what the heck was it?

  • blueviolet

    Oh my gosh, it was like mass chaos and hysteria over there!

    Seriously, are you a close talker or what? Because how could she see down your ear canal during a conversation?

  • Rachelle

    Boy oh boy! I never know what I will find when I come over to visit! I hope your doctor visit turns out well!

  • Ginger

    I think my first comment is floating in cyberspace so I am trying it again.
    My computer sucks so I can't watch the video or hear your accent, darn.
    Interesting lump inside your ear. You better get it checked out. Maybe you can get a 2 for 1 special and have your eye checked too. lol

  • Shannon

    Your eyebrows DO look fabulous!

  • Amy

    GOODness girl.. what a production. At least you have clean ears now right?!

  • Margaret

    That is totally cool. I would love to be doing that.

  • santamaker

    I'm drawn to your your videos like rubber neckers to a wreck! Your family could be making millions on reality TV!

  • NurseChessie

    after barfing and regaining my eyesight from that video. I must say you do look like a man in that.. but... your brows? lookin good!


  • Tami

    LOL, your eyebrows look WONDERFUL! your are just too much Justine and the reason I luv ya!

  • wendy

    I appreciate your willingness to "donate your body parts...research" in the name of science (sort of)
    That's quite the bump thing in your ear. Get it checked out.
    It might have gold in it ---------didn't your mom always say to you if you were picking your ear or your nose, that you were "digging for gold"????

    Everyone sure has posted some neat halloween treats this past week.

  • Melissa Wertz

    This is so funny! LOL! I bet it is never boring at your house.

  • Poetic Shutterbug

    What a great production. You should send this to American's Funniest Home videos with the title of your post :D Love it!

  • Shelia

    Oh, my goodness, Justiney! How in the world did I miss your post!? It's a good thing you have Missie! Now you go and get that little bump checked out! You must really trust and believe her to let her go popping things in your ears! :)
    Take care of yourself and yes! Your eyebrows look marvelous! :)
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

  • Grand Pooba

    Oh my god, I got so excited when you said blackhead! You know, I would fricken fly over to Florida right now just to pick at your ear! The fact that you guys took pictures and video taped it is something my family would totally do! My dad has this never ending blackhead on his back and everyone gathers around to watch me work on it. It is just that disgusting I love it!

    I love your accent too! And no, you do not look like a man! Strudel sounds pretty excited too!

    Seriously, I need to come work on your ear. I'm constantly picking at Alex's ears. He hates it.

    I loved that you called Jill and got her in on the action. I don't believe her, I KNOW she's got to have some blackheads in there. I'm coming for her ears for sure.

  • Grand Pooba

    Oh and PS, I do have one of those special blackhead picker thingies, my mom got it for me for my birthday a few years back.

    don't judge.

  • Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden

    OMG, I am SO LMAO at this! I'm a HUGE picker... and being a stylist, ears really bug me since I can see into everyone's and I just wanna dig, dig, dig!!

    I use a hair pin on mine, LOL!

    You definitely got sompin in der! Hope it isn't anything harmful.

    The kids looked so cute for Halloween, even what I could see of the bumbleho. Such a shame about Jill and what she's going through.

    Interesting about the kid's names! Madison is somewhat popular, yes... but I've never heard you call her Maddy and that's what I mostly hear of other's named that~

    Love the textured hair girl! You should wear it more wild all the time!

  • Sara's Sweet Surprise


    I've had issues with my ears for y-e-a-r-s....
    The doc instructed me to (rid the wax) pour a cap or two fulls of Hydrogen peroxide in to my ear . It's a joy ride you can't miss. You let is sit in your ear and percolate, then dump out and repeat. It really helps, otherwise I'm in the docs chair getting the high powered water jets shot in my ear. Thats the ugly joy ride cause it makes me soooooo D-I-Z-Z-Y!
    Hmmm, okay dizzier than my usual.

    Sweet wishes,

  • bj

    O, Justine...i laughed so hard over this one, I wet my pants.
    You just crack me up....