Sunday, October 4, 2009

Crap. It Was Meant to Be Short and Sweet, But it Turned Out to Be a Major Bitch Session.

Well, I wasn't quite sure if Jill was going to make it here this weekend, but thank goodness she did. I really needed a dose of sister stuff! Most of you already know that she's beginning proceedings on what will likely be a nasty divorce from a mentally and verbally... sometimes physically abusive asshole husband. Well, you should all be thrilled to know that he's in the county slammer! Woot woot! I think I just peed myself with joy.

Yep, he was arrested on Tuesday, released on Wednesday, and by Wednesday night he was banging on the windows of the house and scared the crap out of Wayne, who then called Jill at her friend's house. He couldn't be arrested again because Jill's order of protection hadn't gone through by that point. Thursday he called Alexa's school making inquiries about her, but thank goodness Jill had kept her home that day. By Thursday evening the order of protection was in place and he cannot come within 500 feet of her, nor can he contact her in any way. But here's the funny part. The part that makes me snicker with glee. As she was sitting in the police department, talking to the sheriff, her cell phone kept ringing. It was Mark. Calling her. When he's not allowed to. Snicker snicker. The sheriff told her to pick up the phone and put it on speaker. With only a few words spoken by Mark, the asshole implicated himself and was arrested minutes after Jill hung up the phone.

Now she's got a victim advocate on her side and so far he's being held with no bond. Glory be!!! At least I can breathe a little easier knowing she's safe with her friend and he's behind bars where he belongs.

And get this. The other night, Jill posted a quick update on Facebook. Went something like this: "I'm in so much pain and so tired I could sleep for a week."

Well, Mark's brother basically went off on her, saying that she shouldn't be discussing her personal problems on FB, and that everyone only knows her side of the story, but Mark will have his time to speak. She shouldn't blow thing out of proportion. Blah blah frickin' blah.

First, she said nothing on Facebook about any of this. She said she was in pain and tired. That's because she had emergency oral surgery on Thursday morning. Second, she has the right to say any damn thing she pleases, whether it pisses off those that support a depraved abuser or not. It's the depraved supporting the depraved in this case, just take my word for it.

Then, I sit here wondering... what IS Mark's side of this? Would he say that he's never verbally abused her? He could say that, I suppose, but since I and many other family members have witnessed it first-hand, it would be a bald-faced lie. Too bad we don't have video of the night he went psychotic on her in Disney World in front of his kids and the entire crowd of people.

Would he say Jill was neglectful of him, didn't care for him? That would certainly be a lie since she has waited on him hand and foot for 10 years. I can't tell you how many times I've watched him lay on the couch and tell Jill to make him a sandwich, or this or that. He never asked. He told her to do it and would throw a fit if she didn't. She'd wind up doing it just to keep the peace, even though I'd be sneering at her the whole time. He's even tried that shit on me but no way was I catering to that idiot.

She's cooked his meals (and damn she's a good cook), she's washed his clothes, she's loved and cared for his children, she's cut his hair, she's made countless out of the way trips to pick him up fast food and she's dealt with his utter laziness for years on end. He worked his 5 days a week as a line cook, and the other 2 days he spent laying in bed sleeping.

The grass needs to be cut? Mark's not gonna do it. Oh no no. Jill has to go out in the 95 degree heat and cut the grass and then suffer for days after because of allergies. Shrubs need to be pulled? No problem, Jill will do that too!

The ceiling fan broke? Just get Jill a ladder and she'll take care of it while Mark sits on his ugly ass and watches.

Is that the toilet backing up? There goes Jill to Lowe's for a new toilet, and guess what? She doesn't need a plumber or even her lazy-assed husband's help. No no no! She will replace the whole toilet herself!

So what else could Mark deny? Maybe he'd deny threatening to hurt her? Well, I've heard that first-hand too. Sometimes in person, sometimes while I'm on the phone with her. I've heard things like, "Jill, don't disrespect me like that. I'll mess you up." Or, "If you don't leave me the fuck alone I'm going to fuck you up." Okay, so he doesn't verbally abuse or threaten her. Hmmm.

Maybe he'd deny molesting her while she's sound asleep? Oops, sorry Mark, we've got proof of that, you sick, twisted bastard.

I can't sit here and say I hate him, because hate is a horrible word. But I do despise him. I pity him too, because he's so mental and doesn't even realize it.

Someone out there could cry "But that's defamation of character!" Well, it's not because defamation of character is when you falsely impugn the reputation or character of a person or entity. Nothing that I've written here is false, or even embellished. You already know how I feel about honesty. Well, I feel that way even when I don't like someone. I would never sit here and write lies about anyone, ever. If I say it's the truth, it's the damn truth and you can take that to the bank.

Okay, I'm having an Erkel moment now. Do you remember Erkel?


"Did I do that?" In this case it's, "Did I just say all that?" All I had planned to say was that Jill and the girls got here around 9:30 last night, Jill with one side of her face all puffed up. We hung out with the neighbors for a while (annual block party) where I was reamed out by Larry for letting someone else cut and ruin my hair, while Jill bobbed her head up and down in utter agreement.

Larry, (friend, neighbor, stylist) and Sasha, co-owner of Fringe.

After a bit of visiting we made the long, arduous, 4-house walk back to my place where I served Jill the homemade chicken soup I'd made especially for her. And did I mention that I had a bottle of wine and her favorite candy waiting for her in the guest room? Yeah, I'm sweet like that. Heeheehee.

Today we did absolutely nothing besides a quick trip to Great Clips for her (I cannot believe she lets just anyone cut her hair, and God forbid if Larry gets wind of this. Egads!) and Walgreens. I did make a delicious roast beef for dinner though. Yum.

The funny thing? I haven't seen my sister this happy and relaxed in a very very long time. It's like proceeding with a divorce has finally freed her from the emotional prison she's been in for so long. Even the kids were doing exceptionally well. Alexa was in great spirits, which I truly didn't expect. Jill knows that there's a long, trying road ahead and that the girls are going to go through a lot of emotional turmoil. But ya know what? I think she can be a better mother (as if that's even possible) without their father in the picture, contradicting everything she does and says. They'll no longer have to witness the abuse and constant friction in the house. They will now have the chance to grow into young women who will expect nothing less than absolute respect from the man they choose to some day marry.

Jill is getting divorced. And I'm truly happy for her.

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

40 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • blueviolet

    I'm so glad you have each other. So, so glad.

  • Jill

    I am not one to air my laundry but I am hoping through my healing process I may be able to reach out to someone out there going through the same thing and allow them to accept my support. I know I am not alone in this world. I have no regrets for what decisions I have made. I just pray that I can be strong enough to get my children through this without too much pain!
    I love you Justine and to to everyone else thank you so much for your support!

    Jill :0)

  • Jill

    I am really glad that you are so supportive of each other. Hugs and prayers to you all!
    Love,
    Kiki

  • bj

    Like blueviolet says...it's wonderful that you have each other...both of you would crumble without the other and that's the way sisters SHOULD be!

    I woke up this morning thinking about you and Jill and all the trouble. I also said a prayer for all of you...
    What a jerk this guy is and I am so glad he's behind bars. I don't trust those "you can't get within a mile of her"...it's just a piece of paper...I pray Jill will be VERy watchful when he gets out. I'm sure she will.
    Hang it there, girls...I just KNOW it will get better!
    love, bj

  • Tootsie

    Good. I am glad her ordeal is finally coming to some sort of legal finality. I know as well as you do that a divorce will not protect her from him...or his family. He IS dangerous...and from what she told me on the phone...seriously messed up in his head. I hope for the girl's sake he gets some help so that he can at least be someone they don't have to be ashamed of.
    Love you girls...wish I could help in some way...but my shoulders are big and I will listen if she needs!

  • Cole

    This is going to be a rough road for Jill. But with you on her side - she'll not only make it through this, but THRIVE without that man in her life.

    She's an awesome mom and the girls will come out all the happier too.

  • Four in Costa Rica

    You are a wonderful, wonderful sister Justine! I too am so happy that Jill and her girls have you. You are a blessing for them. Soup, wine and candy? How sweet is that!?

    And as a side note, why the heck DID you let someone other than Larry cut your hair? Crazy woman!

  • nikkicrumpet

    I remember the day my divorce was final...it was like the whole world was lifted off my shoulders. I know single mom's can raise good and happy kids. I raised three of them by myself and they turned out awesome. I truly believe they are better off without a dad than with a dad in a home that is unhappy and full of friction. I hope Jill finds all the happiness and joy she deserves! I'm just glad he's behind bars where he can't hurt her anymore.

  • nikkicrumpet

    oh...and....I sure wish I would have had a sister like you when I was going through my divorce. Dang it would have made it soooo much easier to have someone there for me any time I needed them. Jill is lucky to have you!

  • Kristen

    I am so proud of Jill for standing up for herself. And she is lucky to have such an amazing sister.

  • Swirl Girl

    You are so lucky to have one another. Sounds like she's better off.

  • Chocolate Covered Daydreams

    I know it's going to be a tough road for Jill and the girls but well worth the sweat and tears to heal from the abuse that she endured. He should count himself blessed that she didn't do a Bobbitt number on him while he slept.

    I'm glad that you are there for them. It makes me happy to know that she is relaxed and happy too.

  • Nikke

    Yay for asshole abusive husband in jail!
    I'm glad she has the support to go through all of this.
    I'm sending her lots of positive thoughts!

  • Amy K.

    Yes, this blog entry turned out to be a bit more than you planned. You had to get this out. Blogging is therapeutic! Having said that, poor Jill has a few hundred entries waiting for her (if she so chooses)!

    Like blueviolet said, I'm glad you have each other. I love you both, and I wish the both of you unbridled happiness in the future. :D

  • ~Mary

    WOW. What a story. Sounds like my dad. Same stuff happened when my mom was divorcing him. There are 5 girls in my family and ALL of us have become VERY independent and don't need a man in our life. We have chosen men who treat us with respect and care and love. The girls will be MUCH better for it. I know this. Because it was me. My prayers are with her!

  • Robin Costello (Delswife)

    Bravo! I loved this post! FREE JILL!

    LYMI to both of you. :)

  • Ronda's Rants

    I know it is difficult but it is wonderful that you both care for each other so very much!

  • Michele

    I am soooo glad you posted this...I was reading that stuff on FB, and I could not believe what his brother said! It is a good thing that Jill has you for a sister...she will need you more than ever in the coming months. This is the best thing for her and the girls...I know that's how I felt when my divorce was final. Concentrate on what's important...her and the kids!


    Big hugz,
    Michele

  • Happy To Be/ Gl♥ria

    Justine...Please let Jill know I'm praying for her to continue to be strong...I have been where she is at now and its not an easy road to travel...but will tell you I did it with 3 kids and she'll get stronger each and every day,,,I'm glad to hear he's in jail and hope they keep him there..which they won't..jails are too crowded..but at least she has the law on her side now..when I went throught this 41 years ago no one cared what happen in the home stayed in the home you had to do it all on your own...Prayers coming your way girl..Thank for being there for your sister...and yes Jill you need to speak uo ...You are the voice of many women that are going through the same thing...so my friend speak LOUD...Hugs and smiles Gl♥ria

  • Stephanie

    I'm glad she's getting out of a horrible situation. It won't be easy, but she's strong and she's lucky to have you!

  • Michelle S

    Well, Justine. It is for the best that Jlll releieves herself of that situation. I believe it should have happened much sooner. You see staying together for love or the kids is not my style. I demand respect and minimal drama from my spouse. Therefore, I will not put up with "shit" for long. My grandmother always told me "I change men, like I channge my underwear". It is true because my "crap meter" only goes so far before it hits the roof. Anyway, hooray for Jill. All in all the children will be happier and soooooooooo willlllll Jill. You cant ask for more in life than your freedom and sanity. She is a grown woman who should make her own decisions when it comes to "herself and da girls. I am not putting him down, but if he is not elevating his beautiful wife, then it is time for the relationship to be over. Without love and respect, there is nothing left. Time to say "GOOD BYE 4 GOOD".

  • Beckie

    I'm so happy that now that this is all moving in teh right direction, she is able to feel free and happy at last. This is a good thing for her and the kids and my prayers for this to be quick, easy and as painless as possible go out to her! I'm so happy that she has you Justine. I've never understood family and what it is for until I met you ladies. Amazing sisters you are and I pray blessings upon both of you!!

  • Michelle S.

    Btw, who in the hell cares what his family thinks about the situation. They were not living the nightmare she endured. His family can either get on Jill's boat and be supportive for her and the kids or join the sinking ship that is Mark.

    Also, lets add the comments about what she shares about her relationship or martial experiences is her "Damn" business. Jill just freed herself from an agonizing situation and she is not about to let someone else dominate her life, especially in-laws. The only person in charge of Jill, is Jill, now that she will be labeled as a "Single woman". You go girl.

  • Ginger

    So glad that Jill went to your house this weekend and was relaxed. It will be a long road and she'll have to deal with him for quite a while since the girls are so young. But she can do it cause she has so much support. I just hope she watches her back at all times, cause if he is truly mental, who knows what he might do.
    Thanks for the update, Justine.

  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    Wow, the funny thing is that she is accused of airing dirty laundry when I never even had a clue while reading her FB comments and blog that anything at all was happening! Holy crap, she sure was putting up with a lot! Some of it is so familiar to me since I went through some of it myself, though my ex did actually mow the lawn. No, he will not admit to any abuse because he doesn't see it that way, and he will try to twist things so that his side of the story makes it sound like he never did anything wrong and that it was Jill's fault. Of course, it isn't but he will see it that way. An abuser's way of thinking is truly twisted.

    Yes, you can be single and do a BETTER job parenting than when you were with your abuser...I did!

    I worry though that Mark will get out of jail soon. Have her be aware that she is in the most danger now, when he gets out of jail, especially if he drinks or uses any drugs. You didn't touch on that here, but I know its all too common among abusers. She should have an escape and safety plan in place.

    Someday I will have to share my story too. Just tell Jill that I understand! And I understand the relief and happiness she is feeling now. People told me that it would "hit me" one day that my marriage was over and that I would grieve, but almost 10 years later, that day has never come! lol

    Kady

  • Tam

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Tam

    The thing is that he probably will not stay in Jail to terribly long and that is a major concern. I hope you all stay safe...very safe!

  • Rachelle

    I'm so glad Jill and the girls are safe. I hope the transitions go smoothly...I will keep praying for them.

  • squawmama

    Oh Justine I had no idea what was going on here lately. I feel so bad for Jill but I know she will be better off for it in the long run. She is so fortunate to have a wonderful sister like you to support her in these tough times. Bless you, Jill and the girls... Love to you both my friend!

    (((HUGS)))
    Donna

  • Lori

    Justine, What a great person u r! Your sister is lucky to have you. Just be there for her! My ex was verbally abusive! I was 9 months w/child cutting my grass. When E eas 2 months old he spit in face!! That was the final straw! I called my mom and sis to come and get me... He's a complete asshole. Jill will be fine as long as she has a great support group!!

  • AndreaLeigh

    i'm so glad to hear an update on jill. you are such a good sister and I know she needed to spend some time with you!

  • Grand Pooba

    You rock sister! It's so great to hear that Jill is now safe with you and what was that you said? Happy? Yay! I hope her divorce is as painless as possible and as fast as possible. We're pullin for ya Jill!

  • Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden

    Thank goodness you have each other and your wonderful senses of humor. Best wishes to Jill, I'm so glad she's getting out.
    That is awesome that he was trying to call her while she was at the police station, HA!!!!! Bus-ted!

  • Lisa Anne

    I've been waiting for an update and am happy to read that so far things are going as best as can be expected. I could have called that he'd contact her as soon as he got out. She did the right thing for her and her children. Some people I feel shouldn't be parents if they are going to behave crazily infront of their children, especially at Disney World. She's better they stay away from him until he receives some help, because you don't want them growing up thinking that's what a relationship is all about.

    Hang in there Jill, in the end you'll look back and thank yourselfe for moving forward.

  • Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    I got chills reading through that because it reminded me so much of my abusive ex-husband. I was lucky - I was only married to him for 2 years and had no kids with him. Jill is SO lucky to have you as a sister - she's going to need to lean on you something fierce through the next difficult months. You ROCK!

  • angie

    I'm glad that Jill is strong enough to say enough is enough and do what is right for her family. And, thank goodness for the support of good friends/family.

    P.S. The formatting on your blog is skewed for me. I had to read on my reader b/c the text is cut off on the left and I can't read the words with the pumpkins in the background. Is it just my computer?

  • Yaya

    I didn't really that's what Jill has been going through. :(

  • Tabby

    Hi Justine,
    I am so glad you are such a wonderful sister! And I am also truly happy that piece of crap is right where he belongs, I went through an abusive relationship so I know how Jill feels. I am hoping nothing but good things for her and the kids future! Have a great one!

  • Elizabeth

    The smartest thing a mother can do for her children is to leave a man who doesn't show her respect. Stop the cycle!

  • KK

    So glad she's safe. And family members of the idiots are usually idiots. You can say whatever you want on FB and maybe I will too!