Friday, June 20, 2008

Senility? Stupidity? Sinusitis?

As I've already established in earlier posts, my family is not quite normal and they continually do things that make me laugh my panties off. With Mom it's usually something she's done accidentally that can make me laugh. She can't see out of the corner of her right eye so if you're standing to that side you'd better watch out because she might accidentally clock you one, as she did to Pat (my sister-in-law) this past weekend. Seriously, you could be standing right next to her, waggling your middle finger at her eye, or picking your nose and she won't see it.
Or you can scare the crap out of her just by saying BOO! because she hadn't realized you were there.

My parents seem to get into quite a bit of trouble when they're together too. I'm beginning to think of them like Lucy and Ricky, except I couldn't pinpoint to you who is Lucy and who is Ricky because they are both ditzy these days. Well, Mom especially, but I don't want to discount Dad's ability to make me say, "WTF????"

So a few months ago it was lunchtime and they were out and about, and both decided they wanted a salad from Wendy's.
They had been there the week before and my dad fell in love with one of those salads and just had to have another. So, off they went... I can't remember who was driving but that is superfluous to the story anyway. So they finally get to the fast food place and drive up to the menu board. My father stares at it in puzzlement for a while, before turning to my mother and saying, "They changed the whole damn menu! Nothing is the same! The salad I want isn't even here anymore!" They were both baffled, couldn't imagine why a fast food chain would change their entire menu within a week's time. Then my mother glanced up at the sign. It said, Chic- Fil-A. OMG, they had pulled into the wrong restaurant and didn't realize it even after looking at the skewed menu!

And sometimes one of them just comes out with something that is so screwy that you just scratch your head and wonder. Like the other day, my father said something like, "Haven't you noticed I'm not wearing my hearing aids and I can hear just fine?" Me: "Well no dad, I actually didn't notice. How come you don't need them all of a sudden?" To which he replies, "Well, the doctors gave me that medicine for the swelling of my prostate and now I can hear!!!!!!!!" Huh? Wuh?? Is there an ear/prostate connection I'm unaware of?

Then there are things about my parents that they do that they absolutely have no control over. Take Mom for example. She always has a post nasal drip, so she coughs pretty often. If she coughs hard enough she automatically sneezes. Again, I don't know how these two things connect. I've done plenty of coughing in my day but it's never caused me to sneeze! But the funniest is when she does the cough/sneeze/fart simultaneously. Now that's enough to really get me giggling. Farts tend to do that to me. I just find the sound of a toot to be so hilarious! That may be immature but I just can't help it. If you fart in front of me I'm going to break down and laugh. I don't care if you're embarrassed either!

Jill. She's got a sneezing problem too. But hers is even more odd if you ask me. If she scratches her scalp in just the right place... Achooooooooooooo! She also sneezes while plucking her eyebrows, poor thing. Like I've said many times before, Jill makes me laugh all the time, mostly because she's just so... so... quirky. Yeah, that's the word I'll use! Last night I was on the phone with her, barely listening because I was looking for graphics for this post. Out of nowhere (at least it seemed to me) she's cracking up hysterically. Wha? What did I miss while not paying attention? She was trying to say the word "peculiar" and she just couldn't do it. She tried and tried, but every time it came out sounding like "peckooler". She had me say it over and over so she could repeat, but to no avail. "Peck-cooooooooooooooooler" If there's one thing that irks me in this world it's someone massacring a simple English word. But with Jill I can't get irked, because she truly can't help it. She's a DoDo! Anyway, she was laughing so hard at herself, and I was so involved in my graphics search that I hung up on her mid-guffaw.

What am I to do with this family? They ALL say I'M the freak, the odd-ball, the scary one, but look at what I put up with! Parents that can't get themselves to the correct restaurant, a mom that can't cough without sneezing, a sister who can't speak-a da language, and a father whose prostate is somehow connected to his ear canal! I give up! I am the normal one. Do you hear me? I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE NORMAL ONE!!!!!!!!!

Until next time, Justine :o )

15 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Buffie

    LMAO! I want to come for a family dinner at their house!!!

  • Raxx - A day in the life

    just as I was about to complain that you were tardy in posting...... Your family cracks me up!! coughs leading to sneezes! i laughed out loud at that one!!

    Fun Post!!

  • Bridget

    If you are the normal one, I would be scared to meet them! JK Your family sound like a real hoot and so do you. I know how you feel, I am the only normal one in my family too. Even my husband agrees with me on that one. Hugs, Gigi

  • SchmeckyGirl

    What is speak-a-da language?

    You are too funny! Your father is hysterical!

    Maybe you are not the normal one and you are really even more weird than they are and you just don't know it. I scared.

  • Four in Costa Rica

    Justine is the normal one? Oh my!!

    Hey, I sneeze when I pluck my brows too.

    That story about your parents going to the wrong restaurant is really funny, especially because your dad was so ticked off. Bwah! I wonder which salad it is that he likes so much.


  • Tootsie

    you guys need a reality show! it would be far more entertaining than any on there now!

  • Raxx - A day in the life

    thanks for tip, it worked!

  • Anonymous

    NORMAL??? ARE YOU CRAZY??? I am normal! Our family together CRAZY!
    I must say mom and dad are like a comic show! It is never a dull moment around the two of them. All's you hear is WHAT?, WHO? GINNY!!! OMG what are we going to do when they are in their 70's?


  • Justine (Justwaaaa)

    Sheesh sis, let's just get through their 60s first! Egads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Btw... sign up for a free google account to you don't have to be anonymous.

    Justine :o )

  • artis1111

    All the world is a little nuts, and we are all a little squrrlie.Kathy

  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    This post was so fun to read! I call those little brain gaps "brain farts" and yes, we giggle hysterically at farts in this house. My son can lay on his back, suck air into his rear and let out huge explosions of gas. Seriously.

    I laughed so hard at your dad saying his prostate medicine made him hear better!

    Just to answer your questions: Yes, I'm tall enough for a long dress at almost 5'10. I love being tall!

    As for who mows my yard, I am an evil mother who makes my sons do that, but I do pay them. If they really get right to it, it will take them less than an hour.

    Oh, and my daughter found The Dress! I will post later this week.


  • mrsben

    Was it not you that said "Me start a blog? I wudn't know what to write about". (Well at least it was something to that effect...smiles.) Hey girl you are really doing super! Wait til you hit 60. One learns to really laugh at ones self. (ie: They changed the menu. I can relate.) Still waiting for you to post a baby picture of yourself. Have a wonderful Sunday...Brenda
    (P.S: Since 'variety is the spice of life', I posted another oldie pic of myself on Tootsie's Guestbook.)

  • French

    Thanks for the welcome back I have a ton of reading to catch up on hopefully after work this weekend will get back on track! Just wanted to say "HI" French;)

  • Laurie Starr

    "Well, the doctors gave me that medicine for the swelling of my prostate and now I can hear!!!!!!!!" Huh? Wuh?? Is there an ear/prostate connection I'm unaware of?

    Hey Justine, I know I'm a woman but maybe if Ii I try that medication too I can ditch my hearing aids too!!!!

  • Justine

    LOL Laurie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Laurie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know you need a hug about now.

    Justine :o )