As I've already established in earlier posts, my family is not quite normal and they continually do things that make me laugh my panties off. With Mom it's usually something she's done accidentally that can make me laugh. She can't see out of the corner of her right eye so if you're standing to that side you'd better watch out because she might accidentally clock you one, as she did to Pat (my sister-in-law) this past weekend. Seriously, you could be standing right next to her, waggling your middle finger at her eye, or picking your nose and she won't see it.
Or you can scare the crap out of her just by saying BOO! because she hadn't realized you were there.
My parents seem to get into quite a bit of trouble when they're together too. I'm beginning to think of them like Lucy and Ricky, except I couldn't pinpoint to you who is Lucy and who is Ricky because they are both ditzy these days. Well, Mom especially, but I don't want to discount Dad's ability to make me say, "WTF????"
So a few months ago it was lunchtime and they were out and about, and both decided they wanted a salad from Wendy's.
They had been there the week before and my dad fell in love with one of those salads and just had to have another. So, off they went... I can't remember who was driving but that is superfluous to the story anyway. So they finally get to the fast food place and drive up to the menu board. My father stares at it in puzzlement for a while, before turning to my mother and saying, "They changed the whole damn menu! Nothing is the same! The salad I want isn't even here anymore!" They were both baffled, couldn't imagine why a fast food chain would change their entire menu within a week's time. Then my mother glanced up at the sign. It said, Chic- Fil-A. OMG, they had pulled into the wrong restaurant and didn't realize it even after looking at the skewed menu!
And sometimes one of them just comes out with something that is so screwy that you just scratch your head and wonder. Like the other day, my father said something like, "Haven't you noticed I'm not wearing my hearing aids and I can hear just fine?" Me: "Well no dad, I actually didn't notice. How come you don't need them all of a sudden?" To which he replies, "Well, the doctors gave me that medicine for the swelling of my prostate and now I can hear!!!!!!!!" Huh? Wuh?? Is there an ear/prostate connection I'm unaware of?
Then there are things about my parents that they do that they absolutely have no control over. Take Mom for example. She always has a post nasal drip, so she coughs pretty often. If she coughs hard enough she automatically sneezes. Again, I don't know how these two things connect. I've done plenty of coughing in my day but it's never caused me to sneeze! But the funniest is when she does the cough/sneeze/fart simultaneously. Now that's enough to really get me giggling. Farts tend to do that to me. I just find the sound of a toot to be so hilarious! That may be immature but I just can't help it. If you fart in front of me I'm going to break down and laugh. I don't care if you're embarrassed either!
Jill. She's got a sneezing problem too. But hers is even more odd if you ask me. If she scratches her scalp in just the right place... Achooooooooooooo! She also sneezes while plucking her eyebrows, poor thing. Like I've said many times before, Jill makes me laugh all the time, mostly because she's just so... so... quirky. Yeah, that's the word I'll use! Last night I was on the phone with her, barely listening because I was looking for graphics for this post. Out of nowhere (at least it seemed to me) she's cracking up hysterically. Wha? What did I miss while not paying attention? She was trying to say the word "peculiar" and she just couldn't do it. She tried and tried, but every time it came out sounding like "peckooler". She had me say it over and over so she could repeat, but to no avail. "Peck-cooooooooooooooooler" If there's one thing that irks me in this world it's someone massacring a simple English word. But with Jill I can't get irked, because she truly can't help it. She's a DoDo! Anyway, she was laughing so hard at herself, and I was so involved in my graphics search that I hung up on her mid-guffaw.
What am I to do with this family? They ALL say I'M the freak, the odd-ball, the scary one, but look at what I put up with! Parents that can't get themselves to the correct restaurant, a mom that can't cough without sneezing, a sister who can't speak-a da language, and a father whose prostate is somehow connected to his ear canal! I give up! I am the normal one. Do you hear me? I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE NORMAL ONE!!!!!!!!!
Until next time, Justine :o )
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