Saturday, June 7, 2008

Me+Jill=FUNNY

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you start laughing, and just cannot stop? You could be in the most inappropriate place but once the giggle monster has a hold of you nothing else exists but the unstoppable Hee Hees and Hoo Hoos that erupt from the deepest part of your soul. You may find yourself unable to breathe, hunched over, holding your belly and looking for something to sit on before you collapse from acute laughter. You might also find that bladder control has suddenly become an issue for you.

Now if all of this happens to you while you're alone, I suggest you get some help of the psychiatric variety. If, on the other hand, it happens when you're say, with your best friend who also happens to be your sister, then you're all clear from the loony bin. Well, that's what *I* think, although my sister and best friend, Jill, would beg to differ with you. You see, these acute and sometimes nearly fatal laughing attacks always seem to happen when we're together, and the weird part of it is, is that Jill is not exactly funny. I don't mean that as an insult, just a truthful observation. She's not the most witty person in the world and she can't tell a joke to save her life. What she IS, is a complete travesty to the English language, which has caused no small amount of laugh attacks in the past. Not only does she mangle the simplest of words or terms, but she does so not realizing what she's said. This, of course, just makes it that much more funny for me. The other very laughable thing about my little sis is that she is soooooooooo easily embarrassed, and I am sooooooooooooooo NOT easily embarrassed. So of course I take it upon myself to make her life a living hell of humiliation whenever we are out in public. There's nothing I like better, and nothing I do quite so well as this. There have been times when we've been shopping that she has literally fled to another part of the store just to get away from me. But I always find her...

Picture this. Wal-Mart, Saturday night. The store is packed and we're there alone with just baby Gianna. I don't know why it came to me, but suddenly I decided it'd be a real trip to pretend that Jill was my lesbian girlfriend instead of my sister, and be nice and loud about it. So there she is in the meat aisle and I look over to her and suddenly shout out, "Jill, I love you so much! I just had to say it out loud!" Oh, poor thing looks at me, turns red, and flees! But despite my size, I'm a quick little sucker when I want to be, and I caught right up to her, flung my arm around her shoulder, batted my eyelashes and said, "Oh Jill, all I want to do is go home and cuddle with you and the kitties." There were quite a few blue-hairs in the aisle and I'm sure that made them cringe. Hey, I never did say I was loaded with class. Anyway, Jill ran away to produce and I figured I'd better let her off the hook. At least until we got to the checkout. I really don't remember what all was said once we got there, but I do remember Jill turning all kinds of red and me just laughing my ass off at her.

Of course, now that I'm sitting down to blog about this, I can't remember even one of the funny things that Jill has said lately, or any of what I call her "Jillisms". Isn't that the way it always works? You've got tons of things you want to write about but then the time comes and POOF, they're gone from your head. Well, maybe this doesn't happen to everyone, but it's a usual occurrence for me. The only thing that comes to mind at the moment happened years ago while we were playing Scrabble. Now you've got to understand, I'm a bit of a "wordy"... I just love learning and retaining new words, so playing Scrabble can be intense for me. I will sit there for minutes on end trying to get the highest score possible on each and every turn. But not Jill. She's queen of 3-letter words. But her most memorable was when she put down Y...... O..... T. YOT. She looked so proud of herself, being that a Y is worth 4 points, but, ahem... what the hell is a YOT? She gives me that "what are you, stupid?" look, while looking puzzled at the same time. Yes, it has dawned on her that she has screwed up yet again. She said, "It's one of those big boats people own when they're rich!" I scream, "You mean a Y..... A..... C..... H..... T????????????? You idiot! It's YACHT!!!!!!!!!!! Not YOT!!!!!!!!!!!!" Well, if only someone could have been there with a camcorder at that moment. We both just lost it and went into a fit of giggles worthy of a Depends moment.


Another time that the laughter got the best of us was when we were out shopping, us and the four kids. We were just driving around, nothing funny going on, until... I let one rip. Yes, I farted. I can admit that here, for all in blogland to read. I broke wind, I passed gas, I tooted, pooted, cut the cheese. Whatever term you prefer to use, I did it. That in itself isn't all that funny. What is funny is how I did it. I farted with GUSTO. One of those that makes you wonder if you've just blown a hole through the seat you're on. This time it wasn't just Jill and I laughing, but also the three older kids. I don't know how I kept driving because it got to that point where I couldn't breathe except to let out those funny hoo hoo hee hees. And yes, I do believe I also wet my pants.

I feel like I'm constantly saying "only you, Jill, only you." because the oddest things seem to happen to her. A few weeks ago she was driving home with her window open, and a branch fell off a tree, flew into her window and stuck her in the ear. A couple of years ago a rat came up through her toilet and then they couldn't find it until the next day. Imagine going to bed that night knowing there was a huge rodent wandering the halls. Ewwwwwwww! Another great occurrence was when she was up on a ladder, painting the backboard of their basketball hoop. A new neighbor had just moved in next door, and seeing Jill outside, decided to pop out and introduce herself. Just as Jill was saying, "Hi, nice to meet you, my name is..." The paint can on the top shelf of the ladder came down on her head! Paint covered her from head to toe and she just stood there stunned, completely embarrassed while her new neighbor laughed her fanny off. Of course, Jill being the lunatic she is, didn't go inside and take a shower. Oh no, that would be too sane for her. Instead, she hopped in the kiddie pool with the hose and took a bath right there on the driveway!

This is just a sample of the stories I have about me and my sister. Be assured that as new ones occur I will be blogging about them. Jill has always said I should keep a notebook of all her Jillisms. Well, now I'll just keep a blog about them!





Until next time, Justine :o )

13 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • SchmeckyGirl

    I'm so glad you guys have each other. You sound like you have a blast together. My sister is my best friend too.

    I love reading your stories! You really are a good story teller.

    I hope you remember more Jillisms.

    So my sister has this most embarrassing moment that she told me in confidence. Usually they aren't that bad that I would tell my husband anyway... but this one I SWORE I would never tell anyone, it was that bad.

    Would you believe that neither one of us can remember what it is!?!??! Seriously... we try and try, but nothing.

    Once in a while I tease her that I remembered her but blackmail her for me to tell her then admit I still don't remember it.

    Oh and I gave the answer to my blog in one of my comments in my blog.

  • Anonymous

    OK, when in public, blame the farts on the kids, silly Tiney. The paint can story is truely priceless.....reminds me of Terry Hatcher's character on Desperate Housewives. She'always doing stuff like that.

  • artis1111

    I don't have a sister, wish I did. I do have two lovely sister in laws. You are so lucky.Kathy

  • Justine (Justwaaaa)

    Kathy, now you've got online sisters!

    Justine :o )

  • Anonymous

    Good blog today Justine - love all your sister stories. I can relate to the laughter stories too, it's happened to me more times than I care to count. Went shopping with one of my sisters years ago and we started trying on hats (don't know why we did that - we didn't wear hats at the time) anyway the more hats we tried the more we laughed and it just got out of control. Finally one of the store clerks
    (and mind you, this was a very upscale department store) walked up to us and asked us to "Please leave the store" - we did immediatley and once outside we laughed even harder. It was a great day! :) Vicki

  • Lisa

    Hey Justine! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love to read Four in Costa Rica. I think I found her blog through ManicMommy maybe.

    I live in the southern Gulf Coast area of Florida, for now. We are headed for a move to TN next summer.

    Its great to meet you. Your girls are beautiful. :)

  • Tootsie

    your sister is hilarious! I do enbvy that you girls are so close. My sister and I don't even speak ...well unless she wants something. I have always dreamed that we will some day be friends...but appearantly not today. Maybe someday!

  • Buffie

    Isn't it grand to have a sister who also happens to be you BFF!?
    You and Jill crack me UP!!!

  • Naz

    Although I have 2 brothers, as a child I always wanted a sister. I was blessed with 3 daughters. You're so lucky that you both have each other.

  • SchmeckyGirl

    I just remembered the time my sister and I were shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue in NYC and looking at dresses.

    My sister and I were looking through them and realized they cost way more than we cared to spend on a dress. A car maybe, but not a dress.

    So one dress was really nice and I asked my sister how much it was and she said "It's VERY expensive". It was straight out of Pretty Woman and she said it so seriously that I couldn't stop laughing. Then we both started laughing and we were hysterical in the middle of the store and couldn't stop.

    Now it's one of our running jokes and we say it just to say it. Makes us remember that time together.

  • Christine aka. xinex

    It is so sweet that you and your sister are that close. I have 2 sisters and we are all close too. In fact, we were on the same trip that I just took recently and we had a ball! But you're luckier cause you live close by your sister while we are all states apart.

  • Four in Costa Rica

    Oh my gosh, I love the paint can story, but my favorite is YOT. YOT!?! That is too much. Jill sounds like a riot, Justine. I'm glad you two have so much fun together. :)

    Christine

  • jill jill bo bill

    Seriously we HAVE to hook up. The 4 of us. Amy and I do exactly the same thing. Only I can't fart. Digestive thing.