Friday, March 27, 2009

More Things Jill Won’t Tell You

Now I know you’re all aware of just how much I love and adore my sister, Jill, right?  But by now you also know that I often refer to her as “stupid”, “goofy” and “brain dead”.  All said out of complete, unconditional love, of course.

I realize that a lot of these “Jillisms”, as I like to refer to them, are more of a had to be there kind of thing, but it would go against my nature not to share them with the world.  If Jill can unintentionally cause me to piddle in my panties,wouldn’t it be sad not to give her Jilly Sillies at least an honorable mention? 

One day last month, Jill was driving Wayne (the disabled man she lives with and cares for) to a doctor appointment.  As usual, she was on the phone with me, because her phone is basically surgically implanted to her outer ear.  Mobile Phone  Anyway, Jill says, “Okay, I’d better go, ‘cause we’re here.”  Almost immediately after that she starts laughing like a loon.  “Okay Jill, what did you do now???  And Jill says, “I’m not at Wayne’s doctor’s office!  I took him to the vet by accident!

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Wayne finally realizes, “So THAT’s why she’s got me in a cage!  I knew I wasn’t going to have my sinuses checked!”

 

 

Another time Jill and I were discussing something she was planning to buy, and I guess she felt the need to justify the expenditure.  She said, “It’s not like I do a lot of fribilous spending.”  Now believe it or not, this is not the first time Jill has used this word in place of frivolous.  It seems that the older she gets, the more she’s taking on my Dad’s talent of making up his own words in place of the ones you’d normally find in the dictionary.  Either he flat-out makes up a word, or he will completely butcher certain well-known names and phrases.

Ruby Tuesday’s is often referred to as “Sunday Monday’s”, or “Steak and Shake” is “Shake and Bake”.  A DVD is a “circle” and  a dust buster is a “fuzz buster”.

I won’t even go into what it’s like when my dad wants to tell you about a good movie he’s recently seen but can neither remember the name of the movie, nor the actors in it.  It’d go something like this:

Have you seen that great action picture?  The one with… what’s her name?  She was in that other movie with… that guy from…he was an FBI agent.  Or a baker… I can’t remember which.  Uh… You know who I’m talking about, right?  She’s got blonde hair!

But I digress.  This post is about Jill.

A couple of weeks ago Alexa was begging Jill to draw her a picture.  Jill didn’t do it good enough, so Alexa told her to do it again.  Jill’s response?  “I’m not Leonard DiCaprio ya know!”  Okay, this is so wrong in its simple form, but she was even stupid enough to call him Leonard instead of Leonardo.

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Leonardo, who played the part of an artist in a movie.

 

 

 

leonardo

 

 

Leonardo Da Vinci, who was in fact, a REAL artist.

 

 

 

 

Mona.Lisa.smile.by.da.Vinci

 

Who was famous for painting this ugly, eyebrow-less face.

 

 

 

 

 

When Jill was here a few weeks ago to pick out my puppy with me, we were spending some time out here in the screened-in patio and Poopy Pants wanted to go out on the grass.  Jill let her out but didn’t close the screen door.  I said, “Jill, close the door or my cats might get out.”  She said, “Don’t worry, Miss Kitty will close it.”

Well now, that’s interesting for two reasons.  One is that Miss Kitty is her cat and was at her house and, the other is that Miss Kitty does not know how to close doors.  So where did this come from?

P1010122

 

 

Miss Kitty thinks Mom is an idiot.

 

 

 

That same afternoon I noticed that my tweezers were on the ground and Jill was stepping on it.  I said, “Jill, do you realize you’re stepping on my tweezers?”

She just looked at me and let out an enormous burp.  Disgusting.

burp-logo_Full You remember about a week ago when Jill, the girls, and Mom came to visit so Jill could pick out her puppy?  Well afterwards we went out to eat at this wing place.  The whole dinner was a basic disaster, which is the case nearly every time I go out to dinner with family.  It’s like we walk in the restaurant and the cooks sense it and suddenly forget their craft.

But anyway, we were looking over the menu.  Jill asks me what I’m getting.

The angus burger, I think.”

Jill:  “Gross!  How can you eat buffalo?”

Me:  “Huh?  What the hell are you talking about?”

Jill:  “Isn’t angus buffalo?  I know it’s buffalo.”

Me:  “Jill, you friggin’ moron, angus is a type of cow, not a damn buffalo!  Cows, cute and furry.  Buffalo, huge and ugly.

CRW_0511

 

 

 

Cute black angus cow.

 

 

 

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Ugly buffalo, possibly eating cute black angus cow.

 

 

Now you tell me.  Is it any wonder why I constantly make fun of her?  What would you do if she were your sister?

In any case, stick around, because there’s always something more to tell!

 

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

43 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Jill

    LMAO.............I, too, would PIMP with Jill botching all those words!

    Great post, I needed the laugh.

    Kiki

  • Robin Costello (Delswife)

    It's the eyebrows! Oh for years I couldn't figure out what was so off with the Mona Lisa.

    I will sleep well tonight. LOL.

    I think Jill and I might have some things in common. ;)

  • Susan S.

    Bless her heart.....and YOUR's too for having to put up with her! She IS a hoot so I guess it could be worse! :)

  • sue

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!! I knew you would love those pics of my fat ass!!! LOL! You girls are crazy and your dad reminds me of myself! LOL! BTW, that cow was downright ugly!! That is not a cute cow... LOL!!

  • sue

    Forgot.. I might have to go to PA for paint cuz that brand I buy is sold in country shops. But its also just an excuse to go country shopping!

  • Ann

    You have a plethora of material with a talented sister like that!!

    Leonard DiCaprio -- that's good stuff there :->

  • Philly

    So , how was that burger?

    #1

  • Diane @ Four Paws and Co

    OMG, I think my hubby may be related to Jill & your dad. You should hear him trying to describe "whats-his-name", or oh, you know....

    ☺ Diane

  • Lavender Chick

    Okay - I know I've said it before - but, y'all just crack me up! I'm glad to know that Miss Kitty can close doors, when she's there to do it... Oh - and my dad also has his own vocabulary. Okay. I'm going to go now and laugh some more!

  • blueviolet

    I think it's in Jill's best interests for you to continue to blog about her and point out her shortcomings. ;)

  • Mrs. B. Silly

    You have a good point there, I guess I would be telling tales on my sis too if my sis was as silly as Jilly!
    Your Leonard DeCaprio original is on its way to you as we speak. Yup that's right, I actually shipped i already. YoooHoooo

  • Lori

    You and your sister keep me laughing! My sister and I have some stories, but I think yours are better. Thank goodness we all have Jill to laugh with and your story telling is great! Thanks for the laugh!!!

  • NurseChessie

    sometimes I wonder how you two came from the same set of parents, but none the less. LMAO!!

    loveya
    chessie

  • Amy

    Love the Leonardo/Leonard/DiCaprio mix-up....Hysterical!

  • Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    ROTFLMAO! I love it!! My hubby messes with the Princess Nagger by changing the names of stuff - just to get her to correct him...like calling 'Rite Aid' 'Wrong Aid'...

    Happy VGNO! :)

  • flavoredmom

    wibbit!!! you are adorable. and so is jill. happy vgno! - Ivette

  • Ginger

    You are too funny~~~~I only wish I had a sister like Jill to hang out with. Shoot, even a brother like Jill. lol. I think you and Jill, and Nikkicrumpet, and jilljillbobill should all have a "play date" and I want to be the photographer to capture all the craziness.
    My hubby mangles words and names so bad it's embarrasing. He still calls our grandson (who's name is Kaden) Kalen. The kid is a year old and he can't say his name.
    Love the picture of the buffalo.
    Ginger

  • Yaya

    Oh my gosh! Must be something about the name Jill because that is exactly how my bff Jill is!

  • nikkicrumpet

    There is nothing funnier than the two of you ratting each other out. And your description of your dad's description of the movie...HILARIOUS! I would pay to hang out with your family!!

  • Ali

    Love the buffalo possibly eating the angus cow, haha! Happy VGNO =)

  • Jill

    Oh are we having fun with Jill again?? YOU just love it don't you. You love getting a laugh on my behalf. Well you know how the saying goes... Paybacks... are a B.....!

    AAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  • Opus #6

    Ooops. Looks like Jill found this post. Aaaah!

  • Shannon

    Tears... I am wiping away tears...

  • Native American Momma

    LOL
    BTW Buffalo burgers are yummy! I've had them on an Indian Reservation where they raised them.

    My mom used to mix things up when she spoke, instead of saying Grass is greener on the other side she would say the grass isn't yellow on the other side or something way random like that.

  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    I just love the Jillisms! Of course, I can only love it because I know you really love her, and because you don't get offended when she gets even!

    Keep them coming!

    Kady

  • niartist

    Oh.MY.God! I don't know that my brother would be nearly as forgiving as your sister if I recounted these sorts of stories - even though they are funny as hell! :)

  • xinex

    You and Jill are so funny. LOL! Don't you ever run out of stories against each other? BTW, to answer your question, dh is a Urologist....Christine

  • santamaker

    Just love the Jillism. I still tell my friends about the "laptop" surgery.

  • Buffie

    ROFLMAO! Oh she reminds me so much of my mom with the way she mangles words so bad!

    Buffie :)

  • SchmeckyGirl

    LOL! I don't know which one I like best. Leondardo did draw that ONE pic of Kate in Titanic so I can see why she was confused. NOT!! (Do you know who really drew that pic?)

    Miss Kitty one was hysterical. Did she explain that one?

    Fribilous. LOL!

  • Tismee2

    Both as bad as each other I'm afraid. I'm on the fence with you two.

    Do your parents ever wonder what they were on when you two were conceived?

  • Rhea

    Jill is hilarious. And what great blog fodder!

    I love her made-up words and craziness.

  • Michael

    LMAO...what a riot. One of my best friends from high school cannot pronounce the word "towel." It comes out "tollow" every time. I should start a running list of Connie-isms.

    Jill, we're laughing with you, not at you! :o)

  • Raxx - A day in the life

    I love how your dad describes movies best!

    Jill is a blogger's dream!! Free material and plenty too!

    I emailed you, so you can foward my email address to Mrs Ben for me!

    Thanks!

  • cindy

    Hi Justine, my bro is 65 yrs old!..thats why he lives there....He found a really good deal and the place is pretty nice, close to everything you would ever want, and near Mexico so he can by his meds there for cheap!...I just read your profile...I like the fish scale idea...I will have to pass it along to my fishing customers!

  • cindy

    Lovin the Jillisms! I have a customer who always says "they're commune to it"! instead of immune to it....

  • ~♥~ Monica S

    I am with Nikkicrumpet on this one!! you girls are the best!

    Monica

  • Michelle

    I just love you guys! I wish I had a sister. I needed a good laugh today.
    Also, yes that is a play Castle in our backyard. My husband built is for the kids. He is quite handy.

  • Tootsie

    hope you have a good weekend girl....well...that's it...back to the drawing board for me....lol...so much to do...so little chance

  • LindaM

    Hi, I have to thank you for the laugh out loud this morning! Jill is a riot & I'm so happy I found you while stalking the comments on PW. I'm afraid, like others I've seen,have been known to do the "word botch" a lot more now that I'm older! I had a friend who did it in a very funny way,we didn't laugh in front of her I'm afraid BUt she did one dau say she had to stop at the store to get "chicken bunion cubes" for a recipe she was making.They remain that til this day with our circle of friends.I guess I'm almost as bad, I'm sure I didn't spell it right.Thanks,I'll be back!

  • Amy

    ROFLMAO! Girl you are a hoot! Oh how I would love to have a sister.. enjoy her... you are blessed! By the way.. my hubby does the name switcharoo with names, etc... all the time, intentional and it drives me NUTTS! HA!

  • ferklet

    HAHAH...its must be an italian Man or Dad thing. My dad butchers every name or place or movie as well. We always bust on him for that.

  • AndreaLeigh

    that is so funny! i make up my own words too. like elephant ears (the plant) - I call the monkey ears. I have no idea why.