Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Keepin' it Real. Keepin' it HONEST.

So, Chris over at Chris's Corner

, (and quite a few others I can't recall at the moment) tagged me with this awesome award. Now, it says Honest Scrap, but I'm dubbing it my Honest CRAP award, because hey, I just roll like that. I'm supposed to list at least 10 honest or addictive things about myself, then tag 7 other bloggers whom I think are awesome, honest, fabulous, kick-ass, beautiful, creative... oh wait, I was just supposed to list 7 bloggers I deem worthy. As usual I got a little carried away there.

Here we go.

  1. I'm fat. No, really fat. Well, not as fat as the lady below, but you get my drift. Thing is, I don't feel ugly unless, a.) I'm naked and looking in the mirror, or b.) I'm sitting outside on someone's patio and catch a glimpse of myself in a sliding glass door. That, I tell you is downright scary.

  2. I poop a lot. Hey, didn't the award demand that I be brutally honest? And don't you feel privaleged to know this stuff about me? No? Well, you should dammit! Anyhoo, I've got IBS, so I poop more than a Chihuahua after gorging on a can of Alpo. Sir Lancelot? Me, I'm Dutchess Poopsalot.

  3. I almost always have a stomache ache but still feel the need to drink 3-4 cups of super strong coffee a day. No matter that it's probably burning holes through the lining of my tummy. It just tastes so good! Family members have complained that my coffee is so strong it keeps them awake for days at a time. They've also complained about excess hair growth, but I don't think they realize they're Italian and already look like apes.

  4. I'm a smoker, and have been for 22 years. I'd love to quit, but I just love it so. I do not however, smoke indoors. Except for the car. I know Stephanie from Mama Still Wears Gucci is cringing right now and rethinking her friendship with me, but it's just the truth.

  5. You all already know that I love to read, and that I have to read before going to sleep at night. But I don't think I've ever mentioned that I won't do it with the lights on. (Ooh, a bit of a sexual innuendo there!) I have to use my book light, and God forbid the bulb blows and I don't have any back-ups. Hence, the four back-up bulbs I keep in my nightstand drawer.

  6. I rarely leave the house, even for a five minute drive, without a cup of ice water. Because I drink so much coffee, I try to keep hydrated with tons of water, and besides that, I'm always thirsty anyway. Jill is the same way, but her poison of choice (and I do mean that quite literally) is diet soda.

  7. In the shower, the first thing I wash after my hair is my belly button. I don't know why, but it's just what I've always done. Gotta stick a soapy finger in there and get it all squeaky clean. Don't want any fuzz balls or anything growing mildew in my fat woman's belly button!

  8. I think I've mentioned this before too. In the cool weather months, I can literally go weeks without shaving my legs. I told you all I was going to see how long they'd grow so I could try and braid em, but I had to shave for Thanksgiving. It just wouldn't be right to show up at the table furry. And dammit, I just realized I have to shave again Friday because I'm going to the doctor about my legs swelling again. Dang, my poor Venus Divine is going to be all worn out.

  9. I'm a bit of a germaphobe. After using a public potty, I grab the paper towel first, wash my hands, then use the paper towel to turn the water off, then use it again to open the restroom door. Then I turn around and toss the paper into the garbage. If it's too far away from the door, I'll use my sleeve to open it. If I don't have sleeves, I'll use the inside crook of my pinky finger. And don't even get me started on the whole washing hands after handling raw chicken deal. EEKS! Okay, so I'm weird. Sue me.

  10. You already know this next one too but it's still my favorite. I am completely addicted to SciFi's Ghost Hunters. Not just the show, but the investigators on the show. I want to lay down with Steve and lick all his tattoos. I want us to come up with wild and wicked ways to use his EMF detector and thermal imaging camera. I want to explore the supernatural that is his body. Oh my!

Well, I was going to list 7 worthy bloggers for this cool award, but realized that most of y'all already have it. If you don't, and think it's a fun tag, then do it!

34 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Elizabeth

    Very funny, as always!

  • Buffie

    You are so wack!! LMAO!!! The things you tell the world! hahaha! You crack me up!
    Buffie :)

  • onlymehere

    You say you're a germaphobe like it's a bad thing! I'm a very proud germaphobe. Doctor's orders that I carry hand sanitizer. I do the same as you in public restrooms too and I avoid them when possible! I have a skin condition that causes seriously sore skin lesions and so I have to be careful about germs. I always wipe off the handles of shopping carts with their free antiseptic cloths they put out by the carts. I'm glad I could finally read your blog! Thanks for changing the color. I may have to do this tag later bz I thought it was fun! Cindy

  • Anonymous

    Oh Dear God, I knew I was taking a huge chance, I even warned them. Girl, you should be evaluated. But, I love ya anyway.

    Love Ya,

    P.S. Have you ever considered charm school, I'll take up a collection to send you. :)

  • Anonymous

    I already knew most of those things - especially your hair legs since I almost tripped over your hair at the restaurant!!

    But you're not fat - you're 'plump' - and beautiful!. One of our radio stations recently did a thing about bringing 'plump' back. Skinny, thin, average,curvy, plump, fat.
    That woman in the picture is gross - how can she even stand up like that?

  • Sue

    OMG!! Too funny!! First off the pictures are way way too much, second the guy you want to lick looks young enough to be your, oh wait, you're young, I mean MY son!! LOL!! And you laughed at me about pubic hair, what about your germ phobia!! Well guess what, I do the same thing in public bathrooms, and if the trashcan is too far away from the door after I open it with the paper towel, well it just goes on the floor!! Yup!! LOL!! Only you Justiney, Only you can say these things here LOLOL!

  • Tootsie

    you are as looney as a tune! I love it! and I am still laughing at you1

  • Rhea

    That was a cool award, and I do love you keeping it real and honest.

    however, that one photo, of the woman with the bottle in her belly button...well, let's just say I might have thought that was something else after a quick glance. lol

  • Bridget

    I'm right there with the towels in the bathrooms! But dear God, did you have to use that pic of the naked fat woman? It will haunt be for months! Maybe the image will keep me from getting up and getting another handful of chocolate popcorn...nah! lol

  • Ma'dame French

    Only you would be so brutally honest that's why we love you;) French

  • Anonymous

    hey justine, You are one wacky, crazy gal! I love your honesty. Thank you so much for the nice comment that you left on color outside the lines. I would love for you to be next... get your pictures to artie...chop chop vickydarnell Pls tell buffie, I tried to leave a comment on her blog and could not get it to take. thanks again

  • squawmama

    You are so sick... but that's why I love you so much... Love it... Incredibly funny... I am sitting here LMAO... Girl there is no doubt in my mind that you’re a trip and I want to be traveling with you... Love Ya...


  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    As crappy as I am feeling, this still made me laugh my ass off. Especially about wanting to lay down next to that man and lick all his tatoos, lol.


  • Raxx - A day in the life

    Justine a meme like this is dangerous in your hands! I like it, and love your honesty! No wonder your posts are always so much fun!

  • Beckie

    All I have to say is that REAL women have curves thank you very much. Skinny is just....ugh...without offending anyone...Anyways, haha. I think you sound like a beautiful woman. It's all about our personalities and what's inside seriously. You keep being real girl, you know you rock!!

    You're poop truth made me giggle hilariously! I love someone so bluntly honest about their poop. It was great!! Thank you for the awesome read and hmmm sounds like an award I might have to snag and do as my own one day...Have you picked up the award I have passed your way at my place yet??

  • jill jill bo bill

    I could be you. Or you-me. Only I like the poisen like your sister. Must be the name.

  • nikkicrumpet never disappoint...but dang I'm gonna have nightmares from those photos...mostly because I know I look like that naked. UGH!

  • Naz

    Up until last night I never knew the show Ghost Hunters even existed. My husband's nephew told me about the show. He has contacted them because of ghosts in his house so this should be interesting.
    I'm a germaphobe and always has been.

  • Shelia

    Justiney! You're crazy, honey! No one could ever accuse you of being shy!! lol To answer your question: those are the s&p - they are little tall bushes. I don't know why I didn't hightlight them - they're precious, and you know how I love precious!
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

  • Rachelle

    You always make me laugh Justine! I am somewhat of a germaphobe too ~ I also have weird handwashing habits in public places. I wash my hands religiously ~ which is the reason for my beautiful dry, red, cracked hands this time of year. Thanks for sharing!

  • Jill

    Justine you are a nut and after this post you might be a friendless nut!LMAO!!! The shaving bit... how can you handle the hair rubbing against your pants? YUCK! You know me I like it bald! lol... inside joke!

  • Picket

    I swear to my time!!!! Mother of all creatures! Just when I think it is safe to come out...I paid that doctor good money to help me thru my 'JUSTINE SHOCKERS!'

    First I start to scroll down thinking..bless her heart she is gonna open up to us some sweet precious part of her soul...then I start to see the shoulders of a naked woman..not having my glasses on...I scream thinking you are about to expose more than your little ol heart to us!!!! Then horror of horror after I pick myself off the floor and look close...after I wade thru the smoke & hairy legs (and dare I guess you don't shave your arm pits either in the winter) but then we skip right over Peyton Place & there you are dreaming of licking some man's ink marks and doing God knows what with heat seeking equipment!!!! Justine!!!! Justine!! What do you want from me woman!!!! Is it money...cause I'm it blood...I hate needles...just tell me and end this cruelty...just shoot me & put me out of my misery..where have I failed you girl! lol lol Now I gotta go home and repeat over & over "Hear no evil, See no evil...speak no evil!!!" lol lol

  • Dazzlemama

    HEY! Did I tell you I get GHI now? FINALLY!

  • HeatherF1

    You are a crack up- but I do appreciate honesty. I thought everyone did that in public restrooms...isn't that just being smart?
    As for Steve from Ghost Hunters...I am thinking that your hubby might not like you licking his tattoos, and let's face live in Florida, right? Don't you get LARGE might have to move to a more hospitable (less spiders) climate for him. It might just be worth it though!!! ;)

  • santamaker

    Justine, girl...sure wish you would open up to us a little and not be so prudish....LOL...
    You, my dear are twisted and that's why I keep coming back!
    Sorry I didn't identify my pics on the cruise... eastern caribbean... Bahamas and St.Thomas. That ship was the Glory..Carnival.

  • katdish

    Hey Justine! Just thought I'd pop in and say Hello!

    Dang! You have one pimped out blog. And just as shy and demure as I remember! Tell Buff and all the girls I say "hey"!

    Merry Christmas!

    katdish (aka ragamuffin)

  • Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity

    That's what I needed a good laugh before bed!!!

  • Anonymous

    Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew AND EW!

    Did you really have to put all those pictures in there? I just threw up all over my laptop.

    And did you say you want to "lick" his tattoos? You know they taste like skin right? The ink is not fruit flavored.

  • Alex

    You are wayyyy too funny! :) And Oh...yeah....Ghost Hunters, baby! I must say, I want to lay down with Grant! Damn, baby! =O ;)

    Hope you have a wonderful Saturday!

    PS I posted a new video of me singing a Christmas song!

  • mrsben

    Justine, you always know how to make a person smile!

  • SchmeckyGirl

    I do the paper towel thing in the bathroom too! Those faucet handles gross me out more than the door handle.

    Well I'm off to read the rest of your posts but probably won't comment on them all. I have tooooo many to catch up on.

  • sista #2

    My daughter loves Steve.....I fancy J myself.


  • ~Mary

    I'm fat too...I'm 225. and I just don't care...I mean I don't even feel bad about myself. I don't even notice I'm fat anymore!

    I poop alot too...I have Ulcerative Colitis.

    I've never cleaned my belly button before. But I just stuck my finger in there and what came out did NOT smell good. I'm now going to be OCD about cleaning my bellybutton. I even jus cleaned it out with rubbing alcohol...

  • Geri


    Oh, my gosh, if I was that woman, there's NO WAY anyone would be photographing me. I mean no one wants mildew in their belly button, but honestly, that's a horrible picture.