Keepin' it Real. Keepin' it HONEST.

So, Chris over at Chris's Corner

, (and quite a few others I can't recall at the moment) tagged me with this awesome award. Now, it says Honest Scrap, but I'm dubbing it my Honest CRAP award, because hey, I just roll like that. I'm supposed to list at least 10 honest or addictive things about myself, then tag 7 other bloggers whom I think are awesome, honest, fabulous, kick-ass, beautiful, creative... oh wait, I was just supposed to list 7 bloggers I deem worthy. As usual I got a little carried away there.

Here we go.

1. I'm fat. No, really fat. Well, not as fat as the lady below, but you get my drift. Thing is, I don't feel ugly unless, a.) I'm naked and looking in the mirror, or b.) I'm sitting outside on someone's patio and catch a glimpse of myself in a sliding glass door. That, I tell you is downright scary.





2. I poop a lot. Hey, didn't the award demand that I be brutally honest? And don't you feel privaleged to know this stuff about me? No? Well, you should dammit! Anyhoo, I've got IBS, so I poop more than a Chihuahua after gorging on a can of Alpo. Sir Lancelot? Me, I'm Dutchess Poopsalot.




3. I almost always have a stomache ache but still feel the need to drink 3-4 cups of super strong coffee a day. No matter that it's probably burning holes through the lining of my tummy. It just tastes so good! Family members have complained that my coffee is so strong it keeps them awake for days at a time. They've also complained about excess hair growth, but I don't think they realize they're Italian and already look like apes.





4. I'm a smoker, and have been for 22 years. I'd love to quit, but I just love it so. I do not however, smoke indoors. Except for the car. I know Stephanie from Mama Still Wears Gucci is cringing right now and rethinking her friendship with me, but it's just the truth.





5. You all already know that I love to read, and that I have to read before going to sleep at night. But I don't think I've ever mentioned that I won't do it with the lights on. (Ooh, a bit of a sexual innuendo there!) I have to use my book light, and God forbid the bulb blows and I don't have any back-ups. Hence, the four back-up bulbs I keep in my nightstand drawer.




6. I rarely leave the house, even for a five minute drive, without a cup of ice water. Because I drink so much coffee, I try to keep hydrated with tons of water, and besides that, I'm always thirsty anyway. Jill is the same way, but her poison of choice (and I do mean that quite literally) is diet soda.




7. In the shower, the first thing I wash after my hair is my belly button. I don't know why, but it's just what I've always done. Gotta stick a soapy finger in there and get it all squeaky clean. Don't want any fuzz balls or anything growing mildew in my fat woman's belly button!




8. I think I've mentioned this before too. In the cool weather months, I can literally go weeks without shaving my legs. I told you all I was going to see how long they'd grow so I could try and braid em, but I had to shave for Thanksgiving. It just wouldn't be right to show up at the table furry. And dammit, I just realized I have to shave again Friday because I'm going to the doctor about my legs swelling again. Dang, my poor Venus Divine is going to be all worn out.




9. I'm a bit of a germaphobe. After using a public potty, I grab the paper towel first, wash my hands, then use the paper towel to turn the water off, then use it again to open the restroom door. Then I turn around and toss the paper into the garbage. If it's too far away from the door, I'll use my sleeve to open it. If I don't have sleeves, I'll use the inside crook of my pinky finger. And don't even get me started on the whole washing hands after handling raw chicken deal. EEKS! Okay, so I'm weird. Sue me.




10. You already know this next one too but it's still my favorite. I am completely addicted to SciFi's Ghost Hunters. Not just the show, but the investigators on the show. I want to lay down with Steve and lick all his tattoos. I want us to come up with wild and wicked ways to use his EMF detector and thermal imaging camera. I want to explore the supernatural that is his body. Oh my!

Well, I was going to list 7 worthy bloggers for this cool award, but realized that most of y'all already have it. If you don't, and think it's a fun tag, then do it!