Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday Scramble

Not quite sure if this will be a brand new meme hosted by Me-Me, or if it's just a one-shot deal.  Knowing me, this is all we'll get out of it.  But, because I've got so many varied and sundry things to chat about I needed a title to reflect that.

So, let's begin.

Keep Your Hands Inside The Vehicle At All Times

A few days ago, my mom was carrying her makeup mirror down the patio steps on her way to have a cigarette (the things she was supposed to quit smoking after the stroke, but didn't) and she tripped.  She landed on the cement, hit her head on her car, the mirror broke and sliced through her palm from the base of the fingers, all the way to the wrist.  Mom is on a blood thinner so this was not a good thing.  A trip to the ER and 11 Frankenstein stitches later her hand is basically useless for now, unable to even feel two of the fingers.  She didn't just cut the thing, she nearly cut her hand in half.  The mirror went right through to the bone.  Ugh, so disgusting.

When talking to my dad the next day he said, "I think her hitting her head on the car did her some good.  She's making more sense today!"  Heeheehee.

Two days later Jill lost her balance, knocked the shield off a fan, her hand went into the moving blades and she nearly lopped off the tip of her thumb, while simultaneously bending it back way beyond where it should have been.

Human?  Or Other?

Sometimes, after spending time with certain people in my family Jill and Dad I seriously wonder if I'm truly from the same gene pool.  I've questioned whether they're maybe a different species, but no, although the two of them are slightly furry, they do walk on two feet and last I checked they don't feel inclined to throw their poo at people.

So maybe they're a hybrid of human.  A Humid?  No, that doesn't work.  A Hyman?  For goodness sakes, if we change one letter there that'd be thoroughly disgusting.  I suppose I'll just stick with stupid.

(Btw... it has been brought to my attention that some of you are slightly offended by my calling Jill stupid.  If that is the case, you obviously don't know the two of us well enough, as it was Jill who helped me re-name my blog and wholeheartedly loves it when I refer to her as stupid.  Okay, slight exaggeration, but she doesn't mind because she knows that I know that she's smart and I know that she knows that I love her and respect her and it's all just in good stupid fun.)

Jill, The Hybrid Human

We're on the phone the other day, in the middle of a conversation, when out of the blue Jill says, "I just plucked a goose feather out of my ass a little while ago."

Me:  *crickets*  Long pause.... "WHAT?????"

Get this.  She tells me she had been having a dream that a doctor was giving her a shot in the butt and when she woke up her butt was still hurting in that spot.  She turned over and felt a quick jab.  Reached around and plucked a goose feather out of her ass that was stuck in there like a dart.  I shit you not.  I couldn't make this stuff up!

Good Dog, Bad Dog

Lately, I've been trying to remember all the good things about Strudel so that when she eats something else non-edible, like my flesh, I have something positive to fall back on.

Bad:  She's really furry and leaves evidence of it everywhere she goes.  Jimmy got out the furminator the other night and got this after only 10 minutes.


Jimmy has been warned never to do this again in the family room.  When I woke up the next day it looked like my couch had 1/2 a golden retriever stuck to it.  I had to vacuum the couch, then vacuum the damn vacuum.

Good:  All that fur keeps my feet warm when she lays on me.

Bad:  Eats everything that's not tied down, including glass Christmas balls, remotes, computer chargers, cell phones, bottle tops, cups, paper, paper towel, pens, pencils, paper plates, magazines (she loves People), books, cat poop and many many other things.

Good:  We left her in the kitchen for four hours a couple of weeks ago, not realizing we had an open and full garbage bag on the floor.  She did not touch it.

She has never destroyed anything that's actually part of the house.  Never ripped up rugs, or chewed cabinets or woodwork.

She doesn't beg at the dinner table, although the second even one person stands up, she thinks any leftovers are fair game.

Even if her bowl is filled with little pieces of steak, if I tell her, "Wait." she will not touch it until I say, "Good girl!"

Bad:  She bites us.  A lot.  Not exactly playful, not exactly aggressive.  More a dominance bite.

Good:  She plays great with other dogs. Check her out with this (Pit Bull?) handsome pup!

Bad:  She loves to lick Mommy.  Okay, that's not really bad, except for when she's done the following.

Good:  She licks all the crumbs and such off the floor, making vacuuming much easier for me.

Good:  She has finally found her golden retriever-ness and is not afraid of water anymore!  Woot woot!  Look at her go!

Bad:  This is what she looks like after playing and swimming at the dog park.



Favorite Blog Snippet Of The Week:

Comes to you from Gloria, over at Happy To Be.  (While explaining the workings of a Victorian music box/Christmas tree stand)

"The top and that post you see is where you would put your tree on and it would spin around as you played the music box....Very clever for so many years ago....
WARNING Do not try putting light on your tree...I did this the first year I got this sat it on my dining room table for a dinner party I was having plugged the lights in and turned the box on...well the whole tree got tangled up and fell on to my table of food...ha ha!! so much for trying to set a pretty and unique table for my guest to enjoy...I had a tree full of mashed potatoes...tried to tell my guest it was snow ha ha!!"

Ah, gotta love that gal!
Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

25 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Anonymous

    Sorry that happened to your Mom, your family is freaking hilarious.

    You have a devil/angel dog........eventhough I would not put up with half of what she does, I still feel like smacking your Uncle David when he tells you to get rid of her on Facebook. She is part of your family now.


  • Stephanie

    Ooh! I love to vacuum the vacuum!

  • blueviolet

    Well, I'll bet Strudel is too tired to bite you after a trip to the dog park.

    I still can't believe that feather in Jill's ass and her thumb and my gosh, your mom's hand! Your poor mom!

  • Sara's Sweet Surprise

    O-U-C-H!! That is some freaky coincidence. suffering from her adolescents. There's still hope she'll come around...just in time to enter the teenage years,lol.

    What is up with dogs eating kitty poo?! Did you know there's an actual supplement you can give your dog that will make poo repulsive to them. Go figure.

    Sweet wishes,

  • Anonymous

    Ok, I'm thinking your mom and sister should just live in a bubble together. No wait, then they'll trip over each other....

    Haha! I totally have dreams where real life is a part of it! Lol!

    Eek! Dog hair!

    What kind of dog is that? I don't know if it's a pit bull. It's cute though!

    Excellent randomness my friend. Just the way my mind works. Love it!

  • Sophia

    hahahaha...I like the Hyman. The Humid doesn't quite work there. hahaha

    And awww.....he looks so cozy, laying there all sop and wet napping. :D

  • Amy

    Wow! What a week! Sounds like y'all could easily do a comedy routine.

  • Sue

    Your poor mom and sister! You better watch YOUR step this week!

    Studel sounds like a challenge, but I am impressed he didn't eat the open trash bag in the kitchen!

  • angie

    I seriously cannot believe the hand things with your mom and sister. Freaky scary. And your dog........makes me almost want one.......and then feel good about my firm NO decision all at the same time. AND, guess what I'm going to do right now? I've been meaning to visit Jill for ages. So, here I go!

  • Picket

    Morning girl....hope your mom and Jill are doing better after all that....loved that letter Jill wrote you for Christmas! Strudel has gotten so big! She is beautiful...still hard for me to think about pets since I lost Maggie. Looks like the girls had a great Christmas..I always loved seeing the look on my kids faces when they were little and opening the Christmas is such a magical time in their lives...enjoy it while you can girl...they grow up way too fast..then again....the way the Burly Boys knock the grandkids out of the way as they tear off for the Christmas tree to see which presents have their names on them...I wonder if they ever truly grow up! lol lol Have a great week girl!!!!

  • Michele

    yikes...that fall had to hurt...and ROFLMAO at Jill with the feather in her ass.

    Awwww Strudel is just adorable...I know it's a different story when things get eaten in the house!


  • Rachelle

    Gosh - I'm glad your mom is okay. What a terrible accident! I hope Jill's hand is okay too.

    Your family and the stories you share are so funny!

  • Grand Pooba

    Geez! Poor mom & sis. Um, people were offended that you call Jill stupid? Shit, I call Lindee a dumb ass all the time and not think twice about it. I guess some people just don't get sibling "rivalry"

    Oh I love our little Strudel. Yes, I said "our" she is now mine too since I still plan on her marrying Dozer. The water video was so cute! I'm surprised she didn't knock over Mikayla! (At least I think it was Mikayla)

    Dozer is terrified of water. He is the biggest pussy.

  • Michael Lee West

    I like the new title of your blog. I've got to tell you, I was sorry to learn about your mother's accident, but you made it thoroughly entertaining. And I loved hearing about your pup.

  • Cole

    Please don't hurt yourself, ok? Your poor mom and Jill!

    Hurray for Strudel playing in the water!! That video of her playing with that other puppy was really cute too.

  • wendy

    When I used to work at the courthouse, I had a magnetic board by m desk that had a bunch of magnetic "words" just like the ones you showed at the top of this post. It was fun as people who came by to visit, would leave little sentences for me.

    Yikes, your poor mom. I hope her hand is healing ok.

    That dog of yours, you MUST love him.

    and I better not wake up some morning with a duck feather up my arse

  • Mariah

    Sorry about your mom and jillalmost losing her finger...

    About the dog hair, holy cow!! My house is covered in fur, these Goldens love to shed!

  • Cathy

    Wow. I hope the family laceration event is over.. Hope they are doing okay. STrud looks filthy but happy... doing happy dog dance. How's the weather down there..heard Fl got some low temps. Welcome to OHio..nice isn't..NOT.

    Dream home. probably not unless someone buys our land for development then bring it on. It would take years cause I would never be able to decide on a plan.

  • Jill

    I do believe that Stru would move on to the furniture/rugs/everything if there wssn't so much other stuff laying around.. lol

  • thatgirlblogs

    I showed the furminator pics to my cat and she coughed up a hairball in sympathy.

  • Missie

    Glad Mom and Jill are okay. I'm shaking my head and LMAO about the rest of it!

    Lets take Strudel and NIgel to the dog park together!

  • Ginger

    I hope your mom is doing better. That had to hurt so bad. I love your Strudel stories, they are almost as funny as the family stories.
    I can see the videos, yeah, since I am using my son's computer and high speed. I am going back to see some older posts that I couldn't view before.

  • Mayhem and Moxie

    So much randomness here, J, it is hurting my brain. First off, your poor mother. Thank God you are her daughter and not me. I have no tolerance for blood. Had I been in your situation, the poor woman would have bled to death.

    Oh, and when Doozer's and Studel's blessed wedding day comes, I want to be there. Be sure that I am on the invite list.

    PS: I'm still trying out different nicknames for you. Go with me on this.

  • Mama Kat

    Blech to your mom and her blood.

    Blech to your sister and her feather.

    Blech to your dog and his hair.

    But at least they're all lovable...biting aside.

    Oh and Blech to you not visiting my blog EVERYday and waiting the 35 minutes for it to load!

  • Elizabeth

    I love all the Strudel stories! Keep 'em coming!
    If your mom is down one arm, is she still able to smoke?