Thursday, January 21, 2010

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop: The Strangest Dream Ever

Oops.  I totally forgot about the Writer's Workshop this week, but when I saw Kat's prompts, I knew I had an old post that would fit perfectly.  And wow, talk about a blast from the past.  When I wrote this I had been blogging less than a month!  Wow.

So please join me in a look back at one of the strangest dreams I've ever had.

I have to share the horrible nightmare I had last night! Now, to set it up a bit, I have to first tell you that last week, my now-ex- friend Becky found a tick on her daughter's leg. Now those that know me, know that I love critters great and small, but aside from a dragonfly, I do NOT like bugs. And, as I always sit out on my back porch to email and blog and am not screened in, I am no stranger to the nasty blood sucking skeeters. And let us not forget the spittle bugs,who while sitting on a leaf and eating it, disguise themselves by blowing a secretion out their butt that bubbles up to hide them. Ooh! And the stupid golden brown beetles that keep clocking themselves against the light fixture, before then falling down into my coffee mug or my keyboard. Oh, and my HEAD. Yes, they love landing in my hair, which grosses me out to no end.

As I sit here right now there are beetles circling overhead, cicadas singing in a nearby tree, spittle bugs plastered all over the stucco, and a lone tree frog singing his heart out. I do love the ribbits though. I can't get enough of tree frogs, which is why I have a huge one tattooed on my right shin. Jesse Tat But back to the bugs. Florida is known for its bug population and I can attest it is true. We have bugs as big as helicopters, and more stinging/biting things than I care to think about. Five different species of poisonous snake, and a nice variety of spiders, the most scary being the black and brown widow, (which I'm constantly killing back here), and the brown recluse.

So it's no wonder that once in a while I'm going to have a dream that centers around arachnids and creepy crawly things. So there I was last night, sleeping like the proverbial baby,
when all of a sudden, my dreaming self starts scratching my scalp. Suddenly, I felt something. No, TWO somethings, sticking out of my scalp. OMG, I have TICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TICKS in my HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! In my dream I start frantically trying to get hold of the tick's body to pull it out, but it's too slippery. Keeps sliding out between my fingers! So I move to the other one. Same thing. Can't grasp it!!!!!!!!!!!! So then I start tugging on my hair so hard that I woke myself up. I was in a sweat, freaking out, wondering, should I wake Jimmy up? Or can I handle this on my own? So I quickly went into the bathroom, flipped on the light and stared at myself in the mirror for a moment or two to compose myself before separating my hair to find these horrible miniature vampire-like critters with their heads embedded in my scalp, sucking the very life's blood out of me.

On the count of three... One... Two... Three. Separate hair. Stare in disbelief and then let out a huge sigh of relief as I realize my stupidity. I didn't have ticks after all. That was just a dream. I had been feeling something slippery though, but it was nothing more than the blue hair extensions Larry put in yesterday!! I was squeezing and pulling those bastards for all they were worth thinking they were bugs!!!!! If you've never seen a synthetic hair extension, it's put in with a kind of tape and glue right near the scalp. See?
Hey! While I was sleeping it really did feel like a bug sticking out of my head! Go ahead, you can laugh now, I won't hold it against you. But I tell ya what, it scared the bejeesus out of me at the time. I can't believe that I didn't realize what I had been pulling on when I first woke up. I literally didn't think about the extensions until I was starting straight at them. But now I can safely sing, "There ain't no bugs on me. There ain't no bugs on me. There may be bugs on some of your mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

P.S. Just looked down to find a moth in my coffee! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

18 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Amanda

    My boyfriends parents have a farm that is totally infested with ticks...every time we are there in the summer they invade you. #1 grossest bug on the planet!

  • bj

    O, Justiney...I hate bugs with a passion, too. ALL bugs..don't even like those cute little lady bugs. Just don't want nuthin' crawling around on my body. Or in my coffee cup! woooh...
    Now that blue hair extension is pretty awesome. If I could be twenty again, I'd have another hole pierced in one of my ears, hair extensions (probably not blue..altho, that would be fun) and a tiny little tatoo on my ankle. Now that I'm olden and on mega blood thinners, I'd probably bleed to death over that silly little tatoo!! :)

  • Shelia

    Oh, silly Justiney! This was so cute! You're a very good writier by the way!! I love it, your writing not the bugs! Oh that yucky looking slop was potato and leak soup! It looked funny, but it was really very good.
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

  • Jenny

    Wow that dream would have freaked me out. I too live in FL and I have dreams about snakes where I literally get up and turn on the light and make sure there are none in my bed ;)

  • Jen

    that was a crazy dream!

  • blueviolet

    We had the opportunity to move to Florida a long time ago and I made him pass on it because of the bugs. I knew I would be completely miserable. At least here, they only bother us for one out of four seasons.

  • Resh Rene`

    Ughhh all this talk of ticks right before I go camping. Thank goodness the Hubs will be back and he can check me for ticks <----reminds me of alil song.

    It's nice to see your face :)

  • Gucci Mama


  • Mama the Chef

    UGH, ticks...I HATE them! And even more that they wind up on my cats several times a year. GR-OOOSS!!! Glad I don't dream about them though!

  • Life with Kaishon

    Oh my gosh. This was so funny. I LOVE your hair extensions. You are like the coolest girl on the planet :)

  • Anonymous

    This totally made me itch my head. Lol!

  • Grand Pooba

    Yikes, just reading that gives me the heebee jeebees! I am a bug hater myself. I too would have freaked out!! Ew ew ew ew ew

    Cool extension though!

  • Maureen

    I can't stand bugs too LOL your entry and pics especially made me itchy LOL great post btw. :D

  • Ginger

    I'd never make it in Florida with all the bugs. Sounds like you need some chickens running around, they love bugs. When I lived in Vegas we had scorpions. Hated those creepy things. Here in Utah, nothing during the winter but summer we have moths and some mosquitos and earwigs or pincher bugs. A garden snake or two, but but they are harmless.
    Loved the story of your dream. The blue hair extension, not so much. lol.

  • JennyMac

    What a crazy dream...spiders dont bother me but certain large southern bugs certainly do. Like palmetto bugs that look just like cockroaches. YIKES.

  • Sue

    Ticks are icky!! I didn't realize that you had them in Florida! I thought they just annoyed us up her in New England.

    Gross dream and funky blue hair!

  • Michael Lee West

    Hey, just wanted to let you know I am in the middle of an edit and have not forgotten about the copy of CP! Also, we are down to 1 car, as Dr. G's truck is stuck in Z mud.
    XX 00

  • Sara's Sweet Surprise

    I should have stoped at the first sight of the word "TICK!!"
    Now...I'm going to have ticky, creepy, crawly baaaaddd dreams!!
    I'm already itching just thinking about it!!!!!!!

    Sweet wishes,