Thursday, January 28, 2010

My, But Your ( o ) V ( o ) Are So Big!

Ah yes, large boobies.  Many of us have them.  Some of us actually enjoy having big ones.  Not me.  At least, not since nursing two children, at which time my girls deflated and starting pointing due south.

But few of us have the pleasure of owning ginormous globes such as my beloved sister, Jill, has.  I mean, these things are right up there with the 8 wonders of the world in my opinion.  Imagine if you will, a rack of such enormity that if you got to feeling a little front heavy, you could just cup your hand under one of the girls and flip it right over your shoulder.   Eyes behind your head?  Nah, boobs behind your back is much more impressive!

 Here Jill decorates her cleavage with a cherry tomato.

Okay, there's actually a reason for this post.  You see, a couple weeks ago Jill had her first mammogram.  For most of us, even those of us with fairly large ta-tas, the process is quick and uncomplicated.  We go in, get our tits squished in a few different positions and then leave.  Not so for Jill.

To get straight to the point, her boobs didn't fit in the machine.  At least, not all of each boob.  Jill says she was mortified but after hearing her detailed story it sounds more like her and the boob tech were having a titty party (get it?  pity party?  Titty party?) and laughing hysterically the whole time.

So with the help of a crane, the tech finally hefts one of Jill's bazoombas up on the little platform.  But as I said, the platform is not as large as Jill's splayed breast, even before the masher comes down.  So Jill did not have to pose in just a few awkward positions, but many, with the tech hefting and tugging Jill's globes hither and yon just to get pictures of one entire boob.

Jill, dingbat (but funny girl) that she is, said, "Gee, I thought the bigger the breasts, the easier the tests!"  Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Then, trying to be helpful, she told the woman that she has little to no feeling in her boozamas (Sinead's word) so to feel free to yank and tug as much as necessary.  I used to have a picture that proved Jill's numbness in the booby area... a picture of her with a pin stuck through several thousand layers of skin, but she forced me to delete it.  She couldn't, however keep me from talking about it now, could she?

So, boob tech gets her girls in there, twisting and yanking to her heart's content, and then asks Jill, "Honey, do you see any fluid coming out of your nipple?"  To which Jill said, "How should I know?  My nipple is all the way over there!"

Finally, the whole ordeal was over and the tech said, "It may take longer than usual to get the results.  The lab guy is going to have to piece these films together to get one whole image."

I am so going with her for her next mammogram!!!

Don't forget to get your discombobulated posts ready for this week's Sunday Scramble!!!  Mr. MckLinky will be up and running late Saturday night!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

26 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Jill

    OMG! I am printing this post out.. so I can remember the PAYBACK hell I have to dish out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Oh. My. God.

    Poor Jilly and her ginormous ta-tas!!


  • Resh Rene`

    WOW that honestly sounds like the mammogram from hell!!! But at the same time it's hilarious that Jill didn't perceive it that way!!

    Ahhhh what women do for boobs *wink, wink*

  • Sassy Pants Freckle Face

    That shiznat is too funny esp about the tests, I think I love her ;)

  • Gucci Mama

    I don't have regular mammograms yet, but I WILL be having a breast reduction soon so I will not face the same problem as poor Jill. It's not all fun and games having massive ta tas. ;)

  • Jo

    I just love your sense of humor....I will remember this the next time I have mine - so I don't complain...well complain to much - I never thought of how complicated it could be for women who are well endowed!

  • Happy To Be/ Gl♥ria

    OMG Girl too funny a real picture story for sure..Hope you have a great weekend girl...hugs and smiles Gl♥ria

  • Cole

    Poor Jill and her now bruised ta-tas!

    YAY for her getting mammogram though! :-)

  • Grand Pooba

    Oh my god, I can just imagine the situation in my head! Actually I HAVE been imagining the situation in my head this whole time.

    Best titty story ever! When you go with her next time, don't forget to take pictures!

    I heart Jill's boobs.

  • Cathy

    Awww poor Jill.. I don't quite have that problem but I feel for her cause I hate the big boobs that I have.. Then the oldest monster goes out and buys a bra cause she says she feels more powerful with big boobs.. I tell her ..yeah right.. I feel that way everyday as I drop every first bite of food on them.. I notice Jill boob napkin.. I do the same after having stains on every damn shirt I own. We should make a big boob blog.

  • Tootsie

    ha ha ha ....ha ha ha....ROFLMAO

  • santamaker

    Awww...poor Jill. Good for her for getting the mamogram, anyway!

  • Amy

    Good for Jill for getting her ta ta's checked out!

  • Jessica

    Poor Jill! I can't wait to go over to her blog and see how she will so cleverly pay you back...oh wait, perhaps this was you paying her back? You sisters are CRAZY and I love it and in my life I so need the laughs I get here...and there!!!

  • Rachelle

    Awwww - poor Jill! At least she is good natured about it!

  • Ginger

    I have to give Jill credit for getting her mammogram....I skipped mine last year. I hope she gets a good report after going through all that.
    Cute post

  • Tabby

    Holy Bazoomba's....that sounds painful. I too have the curese of the big boobs and have never had the boob smashing test yet. Now I really do not want to it is going to give me nightmares. I cracking up about the picture with the tomatoes in her cleavage as Dave calls mine food catches..nice guy huh?

  • claudie

    All I can say is OUCH sista!
    I was over at Wendy's and saw that you came to visit.
    I also read that you left me a nice ( well I assumed it was nice) comment. Sorry it didn't go through Justine, really sorry. Not sure why. i don't use blogger.
    You girls are cracking me up. I just read your post out load to my husband...he said, at least their not showing dumb
    Coming to say hi
    Love Claudie

  • Robin Costello (Delswife)

    OMG! That was a riot! Thanks! LYMI

  • Lavender Chick

    I had the opposite problem from Jill back when I had to get mammograms. I remember being shoved so closely to the platform thing that I felt like I was being choked... And I recall telling the tech, "Have you ever tried putting nothing on something?" Funny post and good for Jill for being a good sport!

    I am so going to try that artisan bread!

  • blueviolet

    I can't even imagine! My tech has to brace her feet against the wall and pull with all her might to get anything to separate from my chest wall and poke out far enough to lie on the machine.

    Geez, share a little, Jill!

  • Anonymous

    Oh my gosh!!!! Those must be some BIIIIIIIG bubbies! (The 3 year old I nanny for calls them bubbies)

  • Sue

    Oh, poor Jill! Good for going though!

  • Jenny

    Oh man. I hate those tests. Thank heavens for the new digital mammograms. She is lucky she has very little feeling cuz that can be wicked painful!

  • Michael Lee West

    Yep, I'm a member of the BBC (Big Boob Club). I'm so stealing Jill's idea of a cherry on top. You are hilarious! And a good writer, to boot.

  • Sara's Sweet Surprise

    J~My friend who's also a member of the BBC said if your heavy endowed you just ask for a ultra sound instead of the masher.
    Now I know why men are standing in the college registration line to become an x-ray tech, lol.

    sweet wishes,