Your Burning Questions, Answered

Okay guys, you asked your questions and now I'm ready to answer them. Remember, Jill will be answering these same questions on her blog, trying to answer them as if she were me, so make sure that when you're done here, you go visit her here to see how accurate she is! This is going to get a bit long, but bear with me. You're the ones that had a bazillion questions to ask after all!

French: What is one thing about blogging/bloggers that really pisses you off?

Me: There are a couple of things actually. One is people who read my blog time and again, but never comment. I mean come on, how long does it take to say hello? The only time I don't comment on a blog post is if there was absolutely nothing I found even remotely interesting about it.

Can't be bothered to comment? Well then, this is for you!


The other thing that really ticks me off is how some bloggers only come by my place after I've been to theirs. Let's say I've put up a post, but then I'm busy for a couple of days and don't have time to read every one's blogs. I notice that there are certain people that will not come by, even if they know a new post is up. Then when I get time to go blog hopping and leave comments on their posts, they come visit me. It's actually a little hurtful and makes me think, "Are they only coming by out of obligation?"

Monica: Have you ever been outside the USA? If yes, where? Where else would you like to go?

Me: I went to Tijuana, Mexico with Jill and my parents on a family trip to CA when I was 14. When I was nearly 19, Jimmy and I took a vacation together to Aruba. That was totally incredible. Maui, HI on our honeymoon, and then Cozumel, Mexico on a cruise for our 10th anniversary. The cruise was great, but Cozumel sucked ass.

Chuck: Is it true that the concept for "Blog Wars" came to you while in a trance state. Is it true that you then goaded your sister, Jill, into joining you? Is it true that the sole purpose of Blog Wars is to put the fun back into dysfunctional? Inquiring minds want to know.

Me: Ya know, I don't remember who came up with the term "blog wars". It was another blogger, I believe, and it just stuck. But yes, I did goad Jill into blogging because I knew she had great stories to share. It's been a fun ride so far having her here in blogland! Stay tuned, 'cause only God knows what her and I will come up with next to entertain you and embarrass ourselves.

Bridget: If you could go back in time to meet any famous person, who would you want to meet, and why?

Me: This was kind of a serious question, and one that I thought on for a while. I've always been infatuated with the thought of growing up in the 50s. It was so much more of an "innocent" time, one where family usually came before all else. Think Donna Reed and Back to the Future.

Anyway, I think I'd like to meet Martin Luther King, Jr. I'd like to tell him that I support him 100%. I'd like to tell him about all the changes our country has gone through in the time since his death, and what a huge impact he made on us.

Rose: What food would you pick for your last meal?

First, I'd start off with my mother-in-law's homemade Caesar salad. No one makes it better than she does.



Next would be Bang-Bang shrimp from Bonefish Grill. Oh my, the mix of flavors is exquisite.



For my entree, I think I'd go for Thai Cashew Chicken (spicy!) from Mama Fu's. If you have one of these places near you and have yet to go, GO! The food is incredible.



With my entree, I'd love to have one of these. Haven't had one in about 10 years due to the whole sugar thing, but oh myyyyyyyyyyyyy. Made just as you see here. Rocks, no salt.



Now on to dessert. Because I'm hypoglycemic, I very rarely get to indulge in anything sweet, so I think I'd go a bit bonkers here. But one thing I constantly crave is Dunkin' Donuts. So, I'd have at least a dozen of these.



Another yummy dessert that is only made once a year in our family, and that I only allow myself to have one of, is my Grandma's own version of Italian Struffoli with honey. Instead of making it into the traditional balls, she made it the Greek way, into what we call flowers.



And no dessert is complete (in my eyes anyway) without a strong cup of java.



Rose also asked: What is your favorite perfume?

Me: I love anything vanilla, but I think my favorite perfume would be Victoria Secret's 55.

Mrs. Ben (Brenda): Is there anything you would do differently in your life if you had a second chance? What would it be?

Me: Absolutely! I would have allowed myself the freedom to date more, instead of hopping from one relationship (age 14-16), to my final relationship (16-present) with Jimmy. Although my first boyfriend and I had a spectacular two years together, and I learned what true love really means, I was so young! And then after that ended, three weeks later I met and started dating Jimmy. He nearly knocked my damn socks off, and for many years spoiled the living shit out of me, but I never lost that feeling of "what if?".

Donna: At what age did you realize that you were totally bizarre in the way you think? And what is the funniest thing you've ever done?

Me: I don't know if there was ever a "Holy shit! I'm weird!" moment, but from about the time of puberty on, I loved acting goofy and making people laugh. I don't think I realized my full bizarro potential until I met my closest high school friend, Nikki, in 9th grade. She was even more whacked than me, and together we made quite the team. Oh my goodness, the amount of laughing we did together! I remember one night when she slept over, I had to change my panties SEVEN times because I kept laughing so hard I peed myself.

I don't think I actually do funny things. I'm not a comedian ha-ha type of person. I just generally find the stuff going on around me humorous and expound on it. There is one thing that sticks out in my memory though. About 6 years ago I hosted a sex toy party at my house. Had lots of neighbors over and had a great time. But I wanted to do something that would shock them and make them laugh. So, for what seemed like days I searched the internet to find a cake pan in the shape of a penis. Yes, you read that right. A penis! I made one cake with pink icing and then chocolate sprinkles for the pubes. I even used a knife to make vein marks. I know, gross, but hey, it's how I roll. Then I made another cake, this one with chocolate icing (hey, I'm all for penile equality) and coconut for the pubes. "Testicle anyone?"

Jill (Kiki): If you rubbed an old lamp and a genie popped ou and said, "3 wishes as fast as you can!" what would you wish for?

Me: Eradication of illness. The end of all forms of hatred. Enough money to live comfortably and take care of everyone in my family.

Gloria: What is your biggest regret in life?

Me: Aside from what I pointed out in Mrs. Ben's question, I think I regret not going to college. I definitely had the brains for it, but education was never a big deal in our house (unfortunately), and college was never even encouraged.

Beckie: If you were a talk show host, name three people, famous or not, that you'd love to interview. What one question would you for sure ask them.

Me: Jason, Grant, Steve and Tango from Ghost Hunters. First I'd ask if I could join TAPS. Second, I'd ask Steve if I could lick his BLEEP!!!!!! tattoos.



I would interview Nora Roberts and ask her how she knocks out so many books per year, but still keeps them fresh and brilliant.

I would interview Michael Lee West, our very own Gollum and ask her why it takes her so damn long to knock out a book when I want to read it now! Then I would beg her to let me come live with her in Tennessee. Her house is like something out of a magazine, she sets a mean table, and she's got all those critters! Michael, I promise, if you take me in as a guest, I will be your stable girl. I will shovel donkey shit just for the honor of sleeping in that gorgeous guest bedroom you've got.

Rhea: If you could open your own restaurant, what kind of food would you serve, and what would the name of the restaurant be?

Me: I would probably have an Italian restaurant, and the name would be Ferrara's Cucina.

Rhea also asked: If you could do anything job-wise, what would you most like to do?

Me: I can't say specifically but it would definitely be something to do with animals. I don't exactly have high aspirations, but just being a pet sitter would be peachy to me.

Buffie: If you could have your "toe thumb" fixed by using a perfect cadaver/donor thumb, would you do it?

Me: Are you insane? This toe thumb is part of who I am! Brachydactyly Type D, or Stub Thumb, obviously runs in my family. Cousin Chessie has it on both hands!

Sue: Going back to the "boinking" post, is it true you haven't boinked since 2007, or that you just haven't boinked outside? Why?

Me: Yes, it's very true, and to make things simple and not betray Jimmy's privacy (wait, that made it sound like he's got a problem. He doesn't!), I'll just say that in the 23 years we've been together we grew apart instead of closer together. Our marriage is not a good or happy one, but we stick it out to keep our family intact.

Devri: If you had a choice to be a toothbrush or toilet paper, which would you rather be?

Me: Definitely a toothbrush. At least with that I'd know I was cleaning the stuff that went in, not the stuff that came out. Can I get an "Ewwwwww"?

Mariah: Do you like horror movies?

Me: They're definitely not my favorite, but that's basically because it's a rare thing for a good horror movie to come out. The last movie that truly freaked me the hell out was The Blair Witch Project.

Mariah also asked: If you were totally desperate and had a wood vibrator, would you use it, or be afraid of splinters?

Me: Okay, you're a freak, girl. A wooden one? What? Someone actually sat there and whittled the damn thing? I think I'd rather go without. You just gave new meaning to the question, "Got wood?"

Nikki Crumpet: If you had to have a lesbian night of love, who would be the woman of your dreams?

Me: You, Nikki. I've got a sudden jones for some Nikki love. Come on babe, we could have an interfaith love affair like no other!

Okay seriously, I really had to think about this to come up with someone I would go there with. The answer is, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Kick-ass body, sweet personality, one of the most naturally beautiful faces, and OMG, the rack! The RACK!



Jason: In detail, will you please describe your ideal man?

Me: My ideal man would be funny, but not stupid-funny. He'd be muscular, but not Arnold-muscular. He'd have longish hair, my favorite color being red. Green eyes would be nice. He'd have to be smart, but not so smart that he's egotistical and vain about it. He would be kind and understanding and not quick to judge. He would do the best he could to understand the real me, the one who hurts because of her shortcomings, but doesn't know how to change them. My ideal man would not want to change me, make me into the image of an "ideal" wife. He would just love me for who I am. My ideal man would look at me often. Just look at me so that he'd truly know my face, every line and dimple, and he'd notice when something has changed, even slightly.

Jason also asked: What is the weirdest, freakiest thing about you?

Me: I have no clue! I'm odd to be sure, but I don't actually think I'm all that weird or freakish. I'm sure Jill will have a completely different take on this question!

Kathy: If you met the Queen of England, what would you say to her? Apart from, "Hello Queen of England."

Me: First of all, why are we capitalizing the word queen? That's not her name, right? Anyway, the foremost thing in my mind would be: "Queenie, are you so enamored of your helmet head of curls that you think sporting the same do for 50 or so years makes you fashionable? And who the hell wears hats these days?"

Raquel: What, if anything, would make you stop blogging?

Me: Aside from serious illness or a nervous breakdown, I can't imagine anything that would make me want to stop blogging!

Picket: Do you kiss your hubby goodnight and tell him you love him each night?

Me: Absolutely not. To be honest with you, I don't think we've kissed since probably 2005 or 2006, and that's no exaggeration. Not even a peck on the cheek. Jimmy generally doesn't even say goodnight to me when he goes to bed.

Dot also asked: Would you spend the night in a haunted house that had been proven to have some dangerous ghost in it?

Me: Anyone who knows me knows I love the ghosties, but I don't think I'd want to stay in a haunted place that had demons. Spirits, yes, demons, no. And that's even if I was cuddled within Steve Gonsalves's arms throughout the night.

Dot also asked: If you were in a store & saw someone drop a $100 bill out of their pocket & there was no one else on the isle...would you pick it up and stick it in your pocket...finders keepers etc...or would you pick it up and take it to the person that dropped it?

Me: This one is super easy for me. If I actually saw who dropped the money I would not hesitate to pick it up and bring it right to them. I know of people who will get the wrong change from a cashier and walk right out of the store with the extra money. I just cannot do something like that. When I kid to you all that I'm brutally honest, that basically goes to most aspects of my life. Now if I had found a hundred dollar bill and did not see who dropped it, I would pick it up and pocket it for sure.

Shelia: If you could be anyone in the world, who would it be?

Me: Ellen DeGeneres, I think. I would love to be that naturally funny, and her and I both share a love of animals. She's also totally comfortable in her own skin which is a priceless gift for a woman to have. Plus, she gets to sleep with a hot blonde chick every night. Hubba hubba.

Michael: Who are the celebrities you're allowed to cheat with?

Me: Geez, Jimmy and I haven't had this conversation in a long time! I don't know if he would be in agreement, but I'd triple-team with Jason, Grant, and Steve from Ghost Hunters, and I'd still have some energy left over to make an Orlando/Tiney/Johnny sandwich. Yum yum!

My most sincere apologies to both Gail and Kady. Somehow I missed your questions and didn't answer them! I am so sorry!!!!!

Well guys, this was fun! Sorry it go so long-winded, but you know how I am. I can't answer a question with just one sentence!