Stupid Is As Sister Does: Ugly Tomatoes

Here I am again, twisted and disconnected thoughts awaiting your perusal. Let's get started, shall we?

Thursday was Strudel's 1-year birthday! We celebrated by doing... nothing. According to Golden owners far and wide, a Golden Retriever stays in the puppy stage for a good 2 years. Yay me. Not sure I can survive it. This week? She ate two pencils, my new-ish throw pillow, the new, $20 remote Jimmy just bought a couple weeks ago, another People magazine and a tennis ball. All dogs love tennis balls, right? Well, Strudel loves them so much that she tears them into teeny tiny pieces.

Gotta love this dog. Or hate her. I'll leave it up to you.

She looks so innocent, but I promise you, she's not. In fact, she's not even allowed on the couch!

Wednesday night I was running late to pick up the girls at CCD (religious education). I was shoveling spaghetti in my face as quick as I could but even so only had time to eat half of it. I quickly grabbed my purse and ran out the door. Halfway there I realized I was wearing my slippers (okay, I'll be honest and say I pick them up wearing my slippers most of the time, and on purpose) and no bra. Yes, no bra... with the DDs flappin' in the breeze. I had to walk to their classrooms with my arms crossed over my chest. Not an easy feat considering my boob to arm- length ratio.

Sinead and her family are here!!! Not sure when I'll get to see her because they're in a kind of moving-from-Hawaii limbo. They're here, but all their shit is somewhere on the Pacific ocean. It could be a month or more before they have any furniture. While on the phone with Nade yesterday she whined in my ear, "It's cold here! I don't like it! I want to go back to Hawaii!" What a pussy. This is Florida, she's from NY for cripe's sake, where we used to endure blizzards. She's crying because it's 65 degrees. She may just wake up on Sunday and start sobbing when she realizes the high for the day is only supposed to be 56 degrees. Bwaa haa haaaaaaaaaaaa!

Do your tomatoes wear diapers? Well, mine do. But only the ugly ones. I shit you not, I even took a picture for you.

Why do they call these ugly tomatoes? I don't think they're ugly at all. Nice and red and with just a few puckery wrinkles. To me, that just gives a tomato character. Sure, this one has a tiny bruise but it's not his fault... someone obviously mishandled him. Poor thing.

So as I was saying, Publix always seems to have the ugly tomatoes in these foam diapers. Can't for the life of me figure out why. And isn't this discrimination against the Romas, the fresh-on-the-vines, the Beefsteaks, etc. etc.? Why don't they get foam diapers?

Okay, who here has read Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol? This is so not my typical kind of read, but after hearing Jimmy nag me for months on end to read it, I either had to actually crack it open and give it a try, or take the book and bash him over the head with it. Whereas I wish I could say I did the latter, I'm actually glad I did the former. This book rocked my face off, as Amity would say.

And now I have him reading this series...

Frickin' awesome books, but I don't think he's ever read a book with actual sex scenes in it. I may have traumatized him for life. Goody!

As I sit here out in my bitch cave in the absolutely freezing 61.5 degree weather, I can hear Mikayla inside, yelling at Jimmy. She just said, "Daddy! Stop it with the popcorn now! You're disgusting!" Jimmy has this thing with eating the un-popped kernels and I can attest that the sound of him crunching them is, in fact, disgusting.

And now, for my favorite bloggy quote of the week:

This one comes to you from my friend Recia, at The Crazy Train. The reason this quote had me peeing my pants is because Mikayla just pulled this one on me a few weeks ago.

"If you are the spanking parent..you probably have good kids...but in some places it's frowned upon. CHILDREN KNOW THIS...who the hell told them? SO they might respond to their punishment with "I'll call CPS" and you can respond with..."well they'll have to find your body first" :)"