Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm Dumber Than a 7th Grader

Hell, for that matter, I'm dumber than a 3rd grader.  At least when it comes to math.  I have never gotten numbers.  They're just too random for me, they don't tell a story.  Words are my thing.

To me, math is like dry toast.  Boring.  Unnecessary for the most part.  I mean, who needs unbuttered toast, and who needs Pi for goodness sakes?

But words?  Words are like a thick, juicy (but well done, please!) cheeseburger, piled with all the yummy, artery- clogging accessories it can fit between its buns.  Words you can savor and masticate until you reach complete satisfaction.  Numbers?  Ptooey!  I'm not putting that in my mouth!

And although I've always hated math and struggled through it, I kind of thought I had a semi-intelligent grasp on science.  Maybe I do, but apparently not on a 7th grade, Pre-AP, class level.

When Mikayla got home this afternoon she explained to me exactly how a thermometer works.  Okay, that one was easy to understand.  Would you like me to explain it to you? Ya know, just in case you're dumber than a 7th grader?

Nah, I'll skip it.

Because then she went on to explain why steam is much hotter and will give you a much more serious burn than boiling water.

I'll admit, that one was very hard to comprehend.  I mean, I'm pretty sure she was speaking English but then again, I could be wrong, because to me it all sounded like jkhagfdohrewoiuhfsdkajnapoiteh oiawheronfa oaweuif and that's why steam is hotter than boiling water.

I think she got a bit frustrated by my glassy-eyed stare because she threw her hands into the air and said, "How can I explain this in simple terms that you can understand?  Geez!  It's like I'm talking to a kindergarten student!"

Thanks for that note of encouragement, Bitchayla.  Way to make your mom feel like a raging moron.

What does this mean, blogger buds?  Do I need to go back to middle school and learn this stuff all over again?  If so, I'm moving to Canada under an alias, never to be found again. 

Maybe I'll become a mountie, eh?


Hey, I could rock that look!  If the outfit comes in a 3X anyway.

But come on... the curriculum has obviously changed exponentially (See?  I can do words!) since I was in school.  I'm right, right?

# of Joules (Jewels?  I like jewels!):
Q = (delta)T * M* Cp

What the hell IS that???

What is (delta)T if 22.75 of A1 is heated by 245.705?

I can't even read these damn notes, but I think the solution to the above is:  

(delta)T=12* Celsius

Dear God, you couldn't pay me to go back and learn this stuff. 

I believe I shall stick to the written word, whereas I can express my deepest emotion with superfluous, supercilious and exceedingly overdone sentences. 

That makes me happy.

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

24 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Brianne

    At least you can take comfort in the fact that she's in the 7th grade, I have to google stuff that my 2nd grader comes home with! How sad is that?!

    Everyone always says,"It's amazing how much you forget..."

    I say BULL, they have all new crap now! You know how I know? Because when I was in kindergarten I played with play dough and dolls, and such, and my kiddo was bringing home homework and actually DID stuff!

    I'm sooooo not looking forward to the middle/high school years. How the crap am I gonna help them with homework?! Thank God for google...

  • Cole

    English = LOVE it! Math = fantastic! Science = it's like someone is speaking Greek. Yep, science was my weak point.

    Don't feel bad. I'm sure that no matter how much Mikayla studies - you'll still have subjects that you will always know more than her in. :-)

  • Chris

    Justine, this had me laughing so hard.

    Luckily (???) I have a lazy son that doesn't want to get that deep into homework at home.

    Bitchayla - that is so mean, but hilarious!

  • squawmama

    Hey Sister, You are indeed an artist with words and that is a good thing because you keep us entertained... Me I am just good at sightseeing and sharing my photos... Today’s kids learn a lot of stuff we never did so when the grandkids say help me with my homework... I say who ME??? Right! We are in Texas today but will be going into New Mexico tomorrow... To Carlsbad Caverns! We are having fun and I hope you enjoy the updates even if they do get lengthily... In 4+ weeks we’ll be meeting up with Chris in Colorado… Love Ya

  • Amy

    I have one in 7th and one in 4th..I am dumber than both! I hate math...why the heck must they take all that, it's what we have adding machines and computers for!

  • Gucci Mama

    I am right there with you. Maybe we could get matching size 3X Slut Mountie outfits. We'd be so. hot. Srsly.

  • Gweny

    LOL, Justine, you get 2nd place in the dum mother of the year contest, My Amanda gets 1st. Her Bitchalya is only 6 and not even you with your ability with words could describe her. I told her yesterday that she had won that award and looks like there is no way she'll ever have to relinquish it. I'll just have to share with ya someday. At 35 I went back to college and did great until I had to take algebra. Having never had to take it I had to look it up to find out how to spell it. LOL Well "Algebra" put a stop to my college career. Math, my final grade was 107, English 104, psychology 97. Algebra 87 because I memorized the test. Hey I was good at memorizing. My grandkids show me their homework and how they solve it(do they call it that now) and I feel ignorant. You sure don't and 2 and 2 togather to get 4 now. LOL Hold your head high, your not in this boat alone:)

  • Rena

    I hear you -- my 5th grader corrects me all the time. Sad thing is, I homeschool and sometimes wonder who's teaching who.

    And yes, you could totally rock that Mountie look!

  • Sue

    Words rock! Science has always, always been an issue for me.

  • Jenny

    Obviously you didn't read page 36,712 of the Mom manual. NEVER attempt to discuss any school work with your children after the pass second grade. I'm sorry you missed that page...although your post was adorable.

  • Michele're a hoot! But I'm with ya...thank God that both kids were good in school, cuz after they were brining home calculus and crap, I'm like..."don't ask me, I can barely balance my checkbook". And I don't do that anyway...too much work.

    I might move to Canada with ya...but I'd need a 2X in that outfit too!


  • Shelia

    Hi Justiney!! You're so funny! I don't like the numbers myself!! Kids are so smart these days! I'm glad my days of school going are over!!
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

  • ♥Georgie♥

    I need a tutor just to help me help my kiddos with their

    I so think you would rock that outfit!!!

  • Ginger

    I'm in the same boat as you. I see the homework my granddaughters have and there's no way I can help them with it. Gotta hire a college kid to help.
    (Cute outfit)

  • Grand Pooba

    Well, being an accountant, you know what I'm going to say.

    Numbers are the way to go. There's always a right or wrong answer! How do you know your words are right? You don't. They could be right to you but not someone else.

    See how confusing that is?

    But numbers? Numbers are constant, they will always be there and the right answers will always be the same.

    You can rely on numbers.

  • Sassy Pants Freckle Face

    her cheecks are hanging out of those itiybitiy shorts, yuck!

    And the new math~ yeah fun times!

  • Sam

    So.... is Mikayla free to do my Accounting homework? Anytime before Monday would be fab :p

  • Dina

    i can so feel your pain, i am a math idiot. Im not sure i will be able to help my son past 1st grade.

  • Tootsie

    I can read and remember word for word...and can write with the best of em...but don't ask me to do is like speaking alien to me and I blank out or panic and can't even think!
    I have a hard time teaching my kids when they ask for help...and often have my babysitter or a friend help with the math stuff...cause I just can't!
    but I can drive a mean paint brush!!! lol

  • Lavender Chick

    That's why I don't have kids. I couldn't handle a 2nd grader showing me up! My dogs (as far as I know) can't do algebra, so I therefore feel very smart all the time.

  • Life with Kaishon

    You are like a zillion times smarter than me. I can't even do Kaishon's 4th grade math. I try to help him and he is all like "Carry? What does carry a number mean?" and I am like "You have GOT to be kidding me." And it just goes on and on like that for hours. Or minutes. Or whatever.

    PS I wouldn't look like that mounty even in 3x.

  • bj

    yOU really cracked me up with this one, Tiney.
    All my SMART grands laugh at me all the time..not only am I not good with NUMBERS (it took everything I could muster to pass algerbra) but I can't spell for sour grapes...Oh, wait...why am I tellin' YOU this.??'re the one that is always catching my mispells...or is is misspels or....
    *love ya!! :O)

  • Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    Oh grrrreaaaat! Something for me to 'look forward to' 6 years from now. Thanks. ;) I'm with you, though - words are my forte, numbers not so much. Luckily hubby is a math wiz so I'll be delegating that homework to him. ;)

  • Tabby

    Do not feel bad I hated math and Algebra even worst. I got all high honor A's and the once C I got was in algebra I was crushed. I do not see why you have to learn that stuff any way unless you are going to work for Nasa or something.