Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Proof of How I Wasted 2009 on Facebook

Well, we're just on the cusp of 2010 and instead of truly sitting back and reflecting on the things I've accomplished this year, there's nothing I thought it would be more fun (for me anyway) to look back at the updates I posted on Facebook in 2009.

If you've yet to add me as a Facebook friend, this is the kind of stuff you've been missing.

.... ACHOO! Need I say more?

is tongueing her new cold sore

thinks everyone is jealous because I have a GENUINE Slanket.

got another cold sore. This time from the snausages rubbing up against the skin between the nose and mouth. Ugh.

is listening to John and Tracy's corgis yap yap yapping, and Chuck and Larry's poms yip yip yipping. It's like my own personal rooster, sans cockadoodledoo

is wondering why Strudel thinks her poop tastes good.

has to pee but is too lazy to get up.

is wondering why Jill even came here if all we're going to do is email and facebook while sitting across the table from each other.

is ready to kill 3 of the 4 kids in the house, castrate the hubby in his sleep, pour water over the sister's head, and run away!!!!!!

is wondering how long it will take Strudel to squirt out all the tapeworm in her belly. I'm being buried in dog poop!

Hello, North Florida? The Pacific Northwest is calling. They'd like their rain back.

Is wondering that once it hits 5:00, should she even bother showering for the day? Okay, don't answer that. I'm going, i'm going!

thinks Florida's sunshine is overrated. I wanna move to Seattle!

just covered herself from neck to toe in bug juice and took the dog out for less than a minute. I am now sporting an enormous skeeter bite near my ass, two on my neck and one on my FACE! Argh! Forget Seattle. I'm moving to ICELAND!

is watching two lizards getting it on in the screen room. Interesting...

just yowled because Strudel jumped on my lap and bit the most sensitive part of my booby! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa

had to laugh. On the phone with Mom yesterday. She said, "You're working on what? Huh?" And in the background my father yelling, "Oh, tell her to cut the shit with that stupid farm crap!" I love my family!

is currently enjoying Mikayla peeling my back. Ahhhhhhhhhhh... dead skin's a flyin'

The gang is playing washers and getting eaten alive by attack skeeters, even with spray on. My dad just said, "This will be the first game ever called for mosquitos." Heeheeheee

is idly watching the loud, fat Italian family swooping down on a whole watermelon. It ain't pretty folks. It ain't pretty.

is wondering if I have to shower and put on a bra to bring Madison up to the amenities center for her swimming lessons. Yes? That's what I thought.

forgot just how noxious dog farts can be, how they can permeate every corner of a room. Is it twisted that I kind of enjoy it?

is amazed that her sister actually believes that 20 minutes after the hour, and 20 minutes before each hour, there is a lull... a quietness all throughout the world. She's actually upset that I'm laughing at her.

is listening to Mikayla and Jill Skyping when they're only 8 feet apart.

Note to self: Do not scoop poop on sprinkler days. Repeat. Do NOT scoop poop on sprinkler days.

, at 10:15 p.m., decided she could no longer take the ungodly heat and jumped in Grisel's pool. Fully clothed. With a pack of cigarettes in her pocket. Oops.

has a hoo-hoo exam today. Blechhhhhhhhhh

Arghhh! Strudel ate one of my favorite flip-flops!!!

Jill's stupid of the day? She thought pineapples grew upside-down. DOH

wants to take a ride on your disco stick

just brought Strudel out to go potty. She went into psycho mode, jumped up and bit my nipple. Yes, my NIPPLE!

inner thigh! She got my inner thigh! Owwwwwwwwwww

is Skyping with Jill. she just let out a burp and my keyboard VIBRATED from it!

 must clean. Must get her fat ass off this chair and clean the house.

she ate a purple pen, a plastic hanger, a piece of paper towel, a receipt, and my NEW Nike flip-flops! All within the span of an hour.

has just plucked enough man hairs off my face to knit a small sweater. If the growth pattern is any indication, I may be shaving my chest within the next few years.

Dear Mother Nature, If I understand correctly, we are now on the cusp of autumn. I do understand that I live in a sub-tropical climate but I must say that 93 degrees in September is just unacceptable! Would you PLEASE turn down the the damn thermostat? Sweatily Yours, Justine

Could all of you do me a favor? Find the nearest weapon and use it to put me out of my misery? Thank you soooooo much!

cannot believe her dog. She ate 1/3 of the cover of one of my books, then stole the remote, then took my cell phone. Help meeeeeee

dog ate my cell phone

with all the crud going around, after a trip to the library I feel like I need a Silkwood kinda shower.

my brand new Samsung Behold phone? She ate the damn charger. I shit you not.

She escaped the kitchen again. This time? She ate a pen, a pencil, gnawed on the remote and ate a chapstick.

the skin on my legs looks totally reptilian.

it's so funny watching Strudel chasing lizards around the perimeter of the screen room. She rarely catches one, but oops... she just did.

OMG, I am in major lust with Mr. Shu on Glee. Yum yum yum!

hypothetical question: If one accidentally cooked some styrofoam from the meat packaging in the crockpot with her stew, would she be poisoning her family? Just hyptothetically speaking, of course.

Hmmm... when I press down just under my right ear, it sounds like I've got bubble wrap in there.

what do you do when your dog has eaten your library book?

why do I hear bagpipes?

just stepped in dog poop.

new snausages coming Friday morning. Strudel ate my other ones.

really need to cut my toe nails. Too lazy to do so. Also, when you're this fat it's kinda hard to get at them. Maybe I'll ask Strudel to gnaw on them.

hears many drunk men singing. Husband just may be one of them.

is at Jill's house, listening to Jimmy play a very pink and girly Disney guitar. With a Hannah Montana pick.

See?  You need to add me as your Facebook friend or you'll miss all the enlightening things I write about.  There were so many more, but I figured I could only torture my blogging friends so much before they stop following me.

Happy New Year!!!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

28 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said: