Monday, December 21, 2009

Gravity Defying Boobies and a Minnesota Moose

So the other day I had a haircut appointment with Larry and needed to run some errands afterward.  I actually got dressed, wore real shoes (meaning not flip flops or Crocs) and even did my makeup.  I tried for a smoky-eye look but wound up looking more like a corpse.  Oh well, lesson learned.

I also wore my new purple bra.  Now when I ordered this thing I didn't realize it was lightly padded.  If there's one thing a chick with DDs does not need, it's extra padding.  But holy cow, I put this puppy on and my girls looked as perky as they did when they were just babies and only a 36 C!

What I thought was perky was actually unnaturally high.  Madison came in my room and said, "Mommy, why are your boobies all the way up there?"  I said, "It's my new bra!  Nice, huh?"  She didn't respond.

So, I'm sitting in Larry's chair and he's whacking away with the razor. I looked in the mirror and saw how ridiculous my ta-tas looked.  I remarked on it to Larry and he said, "Yeah, I was going to ask you about that.  One wrong move and you'll choke yourself."

At one point Sasha came over to show me the hot Fergie boots Larry had just given her for Christmas.  Mister Comedian said, "You missed it.  Justine hiccupped and nearly poked both her eyes out."

Yeah.  I'm rethinking wearing this bra ever again.

So, after my haircut and then nearly 3 hours of errands where most of that time was spent in traffic, I came home and found a package all the way from Minnesota!  Do you know who lives in Minnesota?  Cindy, from Love From Minnesota, that's who!

Cindy lives in this fabulous log cabin home right on a lake.  It's just stunningly beautiful.  And, at her front door she has this enormous moose to greet you.  From the first time I visited her blog, I fell in love with that damn moose.  So, after nearly every comment I've ever left on her blog, I've ended it with something like, "Where's my moose?"  "Send me the moose!"  "I want the moose!"

Obviously Cindy couldn't just pack up her solid wood gigantic moose and mail it to me.  Not that she would even if she could.  I mean, the thing is that cute.  If it were mine, I'd take out an insurance policy on it.

But she did the next best thing!  She sent me a moose Christmas ornament!  O.M.G.  If you could have seen my reaction when I opened that box!  I took the little moose and held it to my cheek, murmuring how much I loved him and would treasure him forever.  Jimmy thought I'd cracked my head or something, but I didn't care.  I plopped down on the coffee table in front of him and said, "Take my picture with the moose!  NOW!"

Never mind that Larry hadn't styled my hair. Never mind that I had corpse eyes.  Never mind that I looked haggard after my traffic experiences.  I had to journal this wonderful moment!

Don't we look so happy together?

You can't really tell in this picture, because I'm hunched over.  But had I been sitting up straight, I probably would have knocked the camera out of Jimmy's hands with my boobs.

Anyway, I loves my moose!  Cindy, if you haven't seen the comment I left on your blog, or the email I sent you the other day, thank you thank you thank you, from the bottom of my heart!!!!  I will love and treasure him forever!

Now someone, help me pick out a name for him!

 Merry Christmas my friends!!!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

23 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Sue

    Shouldn't you say Merry Moosemas or something? More presents for you. You are one lucky bitch (and I say that in the nicest of ways!)

  • Anonymous

    That's why you should try on a bra w/a shirt and turn this way and that way! Didn't ya feel them with your chin? LMFAO!!

    Your eyes look good!

    I like Murray. Or Matilda.

  • Robin Costello (Delswife)

    OMG! That is so CUTE!!

  • Anonymous

    You look so pretty!
    My cousin is obsessed with Moose.

    Why would they put padding on a DD bra??

  • Ginger

    I like your smokey eyes, and no you don't look like a corpse. The way you are sitting in the picture, the girls look okay.
    What a cute moose. I am going to check out your friend's blog and see her big moose.

  • Cole

    Great present!! I think you should name the moose Merry. :-)

  • squawmama

    Ok come on now... You looked good so what if your boobs were holding you up... Here's what I am thinking... Morty the Moose... or how about Mickey Moose... Give that mouse a run for the money... LOL LOL Ok Loved him too! Have a great day my friend...


  • Cathy

    Girl you crack me up... hey, how is Jill doing.. I keep looking for updates.

  • Cathy

    Since the next few days are going to by crazy I want to wish you all a early Merry Christmas.. thanks for letting me view your life and laugh the whole way.


  • Anonymous

    I think that purple bra and smokey eyes look beautiful on you. That's the prettiest picture of you I have seen yet. That was sweet of her to send the oranament to you.

    Merry Chritmas,

  • cindy

    You're welcome! Warms my heart to see that you were so excited! You're a nut! Merry Christmoose!

  • Rena

    Cute moose! We've been fortunate to see a few around our house since moving here. They're such funny animals. Their snouts are SO long.

    Enjoy your moose!

  • Freckle

    Most women who have implants look like their boobs are hitting their chins so whats the big deal? A little perk never killed anyone.
    Why don't we call the moose Bulltwinkle in honor of Christmas?

  • Rachelle

    Boy - you get lots of great presents from blogland! That's awesome! Cute boobie story too!

    P.S. How about Gary? That would be a cute name for your new moose!

  • Grand Pooba

    Corpse? What are you talking about? You totally pull off the smokey eye bit. I'm so jealous that Larry is your hairdresser, he's sounds so funny. Seriously the hiccuping poke out eyes comment was hillarious! (If I'm not mistaken it looks like your cleavage is almost up to your neck! lol where do I get me one of them pruple bras?)

    And what a dang cute moose.

    Sorry I've been away but I've meant to tell you that I got your Christmas card! Thank you so much for thinking of me, it is DARLING! Your girls are so much fun and I love how Strudel is sort of highlighted like she is some Godly being, which of course she is I'm sure.

  • Grand Pooba

    Oh, and I think Dozer in love with Strudel, your card is hangin on my fridge and I find Dozer staring at it often (never mind that we keep his doggy treats on top the fridge)

    I think it's true love, too bad Dozer doesn't have any balls.

  • bj

    ahhhh, how sweet to send you a cute little moose. Aren't the ladies and gents in Blogland just adorable!!
    I laughed so hard over your high funny.
    Are you still posting on your other blog? I've not received emails about it didn't shut the door on me, did ya??bwaaaaaaaa

  • Shauna

    Hope you have a blessed and very Merry Christmas! ♥ HUGS ♥

  • Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    You look like a corpse? Hardly! :) I think I need to move to Florida so I can have Larry be my hairdresser, too! :) The ones here in PA suck pond water.

    CUTE moose! Very very cool! :)

    Wishing you a Very Merry Christmas! :)

  • Kristen

    Aww! You got your Merry Moose! And you don't look like a corpse with unstyled hair. Merry Christmas!

  • Anonymous

    Bit late but hope youre having a great crimbo!
    I have padding in my DD's and they are ok although US DD's may be twice the size of ours of course!

    Martin gets my vote.

  • bj goofy girl..don'tchaknow that ladies "glisten" and not "sweat" and we "pass gas" not "FART"...

  • Together We Save

    I am also a DD and let me tell you have a hard time with bras.... last one I bought was EE. Very scarey.

    I loved your eyes in the picture BTW.