Monday, November 9, 2009

Warming it Up a Bit

A couple of weeks ago I had this bright idea on how to make my lanai (which is basically my bitch cave) more cozy and cute for me. I decided I was going to string Christmas lights around the perimeter of the overhang and then buy a cool paper lantern to hang over the table.

All great in theory, but how does one hang a lantern without putting a hole in the rented ceiling? Command hooks! Yeah, those work great, except I didn't buy Command hooks. I bought some generic kind, but look... pretty!

But then it fell. Twice. I was not too happy about having to move the table and chairs again and drag the 253 pound ladder around either. After it fell the second time, I knew I had to get the real Command hooks, generic crap be damned.

I was not looking forward to stringing the lights around the overhang either, because, let's face it, I'm fat. It's not fun hefting this globular body up and down a ladder multiple times. Once I'm up there, if I get down that's it. I don't wanna get up again.

But silly me, I forgot. I've got Mikayla and she loves doing stuff like this. I'm a total advocate of domestic child labor.

Then she asked me how we were going to hang them up there.


Then it came to me. Paper clips! Yes, paper clips could work. If I had any, which I didn't. So of course I hunt Michelle down in her driveway and demand paper clips and lots of em. She put out, just as I knew she would and off Mikayla went, up up up the ladder. I was the paper clip bender and ladder dragger. Whew, it was hard work too.

Up and down, up and down, up and down she went. Do you see the size of that ladder? And believe me, it's even heavier than it looks!

Look at the pretty reflection in my just-cleaned windows. I love clean windows! I just hate doing the actual cleaning of them.

Next, I took the bulbs out of the light fixtures because damn, it got mighty bright out here!

It looks cute, no? And isn't it great that we have all woods behind us, no houses? Nice for privacy. That is, if Michelle's back porch, kitchen and dining room windows didn't look directly out on my bitch cave. I have to be real wily about picking my nose and such.

Anyhoo, I decided it was still a bit too bright, so I went to Wal*Mart (gasp... don't judge!) and bought a 25 watt green bulb. Now I truly love it and I'm even ready for Christmas! Shhh... don't tell ThatGirl. According to her, we're not allowed to even think about Christmas until December 1st. I've renamed her ThatScrooge.

Then one 70 degree night, Jimmy felt the need to light a fire. Ya know, 'cause we were freezing our Floridian asses off. Strudel was fascinated by it and kept jumping up to attack the floating ashes. I was just glad she didn't become a pupkabob.

And speaking of Strudel, I think we have the golden retriever from hell. Goldens are known to have a "soft mouth" and a gentle nature. I have scrapes and tooth marks all over my body that say otherwise. I can't even describe the pain when she latches on to my tummy's fat roll. And ooh, a couple of times she's come up behind me and actually grabbed hold of my sensitive inner thigh meat! A few months ago, my friend, Kristen, said, "You're the only family in the world that could ruin a golden retriever." Yep, uh huh.

Yeah, a pupkabob is sounding better and better. Anyone have a really large skewer they could lend me?

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

25 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    OK, I got your comments link back in your're good to go, and I didn't have to yank out too much hair! ;)

  • Justine

    Pooba (unregistered) wrote:

    Oh my god I love your bitch cave! I'm kidnapping Mikayla so she can put up my Christmas lights this year. Ok Thanks.

  • Justine

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) wrote:

    I see you converted to DISQUS comments, eh? I'm not going down that road again, after last week's headache. ;)

    I'm LOVING your Bitch Cave! Mikayla did an awesome job hanging the lights! Do you hire her out to scramble up and down other heavy ladders? :)

  • Justine

    blueviolet wrote:

    Why did you put this stupid disqus on here? I want to scream! I hate it!

    Ok, now about your post.... I wish I could come over and sit and hang out there with you. It's beautiful!

  • Justine

    Amy wrote:

    Check you out girl.. getting bitten by the creative bug... looks great!

  • squawmama

    Good Morning girfriend... Love your new porch look! Especially the green lantern... Wahoooo! And you know what they say...
    You can pick your nose
    You can pick your friends
    BUT you can't pick your friends nose... ha ha

    Have a super day my friend
    Love Ya

  • Justine

    bj wrote:

    O, Justine...I LOVE your pretty lights and the lantern is so cute. Bless her heart...your little daughter worked so hard for you. Tell her I said it looks so so nice. She did an amazing job.

    I love lights...I have some on the headboard of my bed..kinda silly but....I like 'em.

    Now, I want to put some up somewhere've inspired me!!

    And...that black and white table is at the end of my living room...we eat there

    99 1/2 percent of the time...a straight view of the tv !! :>)

  • Justine

    santamaker wrote:

    Wow, impressed with your makeover! Looks fantastic. Great lantern. Funny about the generic stuff...when will we learn? End up spending more money by buying the crappy imitation, cuz then you have to buy the real stuff anyway.
    (by the might lose some commenters by switching to this method. Just sayin....) Santamaker

  • Justine

    bj wrote:

    Good gosh o'mighty, girl...this comment thing is weird...finally had to post as a guest ! What's up with that??

  • Rebecca

    A green light bulb - love it and never would've thought of it.

    Stopping by from Georgie as I try to visit all of the SSS participants.

  • Bird Shit and Baby Caca

    Love it! Looks great!

  • Shelia

    Hi Justiney! Oh, I love your Justiney Cave! You've got the decorating touch and I don't think you knew it! Love the green lantern and those little Christmas lights! I love it. Now I don't have any little helpers around anymore, Chloe Dawn is too short, so maybe I could rent the girl? :)
    Oh, Chloe Dawn was really getting jealous seeing so much of that little Strudel always on your blog!
    Be a sweetie,
    shelia ;)

  • Robin Costello (Delswife)

    I LOVE it!!

    Can I borrow Mikayla? She did such a good job on the lights - how does she feel about drywall?

  • Secondary Roads

    Love that paper lantern, and the green bulb is inspired. What a nice setting you've created.

  • wendy

    Hey, what a neat look you came up with !! It was worth the child labor and all (NO I won't report you to Family Services)

    We have a golden retriever too --named ELVIS --but he isn't even our dog. It belongs to our neighbour up the road, but he loves US and is always with US.
    so I guess he is ours as possession is 90% of the law

  • Jill

    You did a nice job fixing up the cave..........or should I say your daughter did. LOL

    I love the colored bulb in the paper lantern. I may just have to copy that.

  • Ginger

    I love your bitch cave and the cool lights. It's really nice to have "handy" kids. That ladder DOES look heavy.
    You did a great job on the windows!!
    Strudel looks cute next to the fire. You gotta wonder whats going on in her mind watching the fire.

  • Stephanie

    I would love to sit in this room. It looks awesome!

  • Tam

    OOO I can leave a comment now. Great B CAVE....I love it!

  • Rachelle

    Your bitch cave looks awesome! I am so jealous right now! You have some very creative ideas!

  • cindy

    Lights on the lanai look great...and I'm all for that child labor thing..(I shoulda had kids). A fire? When its 70 degrees?) You people are crazy!...its going to be 56 here today and I gotta say its kinda hot...maybe I should take off my down-vest and hoodie...

  • Tootsie

    finally got to comment! it looks wonderful justine! we can all imagine you sitting out there now!

  • Picket

    Hey those lights! She did a great job and with paperclips no less! lol Strudel has gotten sooooo big!!!!! Girl you gotta train a you ever tell her no! lol
    ok about the are overthinking the have youe fabric right off the bolt..still folded in half like it comes from the factory....the edges are clean cut...I did no cutting for the swag,,,just slip the tension rod between the will then have half your fabric on one side and the other half on the other side...just grab the bottom and keep both sides even....when you put the rod in the window you just push your fabric to the outside edges..kinda equal on both sides...make some little pleats with your hands and then leave the middle straight and's easier than it looks...if I lived closer I come over and sling some fabric for you! lol Take care girl and have a great week...oh I almost ask about daddy being weak...yes it will take time to built his strength back but I fixed him a big lunch today and gave him a haircut...yes I am the narber in the family....and made him laugh more than once! lol It has been a great day! Love ya girl.

  • Tabby

    I love it, now I where can I rent me a child slave to help me with my projects?????

  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    That looks great! I love those little Christmas lights no matter what time of year. I'm kind of scroogy like your friend Christmas stuff until December!

    As for the pupkabob, I hear you there. I have a really evil little jack russell, but he doesn't chew stuff up...just bites!