Saturday, August 1, 2009

It’s All About Me Ya Know

Six things about me you may or may not already know

That’s what my good friend Chuck wants me to write about. I haven’t done one of these tags in a long time, because A) I generally hate them, and B) No one really likes to be tagged, and C) I never ever follow the rules for them and who knows what kind of trouble that may eventually get me in. I’ve also done so many of these that it’s going to take a while to come up with even 6 lousy things you guys don’t already know.

Hmmmm… let me see.

1) Months ago I told you that my friend Sinead and I used to pretend we were dogs and squat in my backyard to poop. In that same context, I remember once peeing in my garage with a boy friend named Walter. I believe we peed on the steps leading down to my basement. And if memory serves correct, there was carpet on those stairs. Ewwww. I really was a freakish child, wasn’t I?

2) My earliest memory was having the chicken pox at the age of 2-1/2. I still remember wearing my pink Dr. Denton footy pajamas while laying on the couch in the house we rented around the corner from my mom’s parents. I distinctly remember the layout of the house too.


Now ask me what I had for lunch today and I won’t be able to tell you.

This isn’t me, but those are the exact same jammies, I believe. Thanks Google!

3) I once met Darryl Strawberry at a circus and asked him to sign an autograph for me. This, even though I’m not a baseball fan and don’t give a shit about some snotty-ass has-been player. But, he had been a bit of a hero to Jimmy as a boy, so I sucked it up and walked up to him.

Mr. Strawberry, would you mind signing an autograph for my husband?”

Well, I guess not. Do you have a piece of paper?”

No, I don’t, but I do have this diaper. It’s clean and unused.”

(Darryl, with a very confused and somewhat supercilious expression on his face)

I ain’t never signed no diaper. Got a piece of paper? I ain’t signin’ no diaper.”

Dick!!! If I had known you were a wife beater I never would have given you the privilege of breathing the same air as me!


4) When I was 4 years old, my brother was giving me a ride on the back of his 10-speed bike. Do you remember how the old bikes had book racks on the back? Kind of like this one…


Well, I was loving my ride and asked my brother to go faster. He did, but just then hit a big pot hole. My foot somehow got tangled in the spokes of the tire and before it stopped the bike, a nice huge chunk of my ankle was chopped off.

I clearly remember my brother, Jeff, carrying me, running back to grandma and grandpa’s house. The adults immediately sat me on the kitchen counter and started running water over my ankle in the kitchen sink. When they saw what had happened off we went to the ER.

Would you believe I actually remember sitting in the x-ray room, terrified that they were going to hurt me. I even remember asking the tech, “Are you going to put a needle in my ankle?”

For several weeks after, Jeff carried me up and down stairs and such, as my ankle was tightly wrapped. It then became infected, but I won’t go into that. Ick.

Here’s a picture of what it looks like today. The surrounding area is still puffy and swollen-looking and is numb in some areas.


5) During labor with Mikayla I was so delirious with pain (thanks to a dumbass midwife who didn’t want me to have an epidural) that at one point, when the doctor came in the room, I just screamed out, “Doc, my hoo hoo HURTSssssssssssssss!”

Jill and Mom were both in the room and the first to really lay eyes on Mikayla. It was such a special time, one I’ll always remember, especially since they were also there while I was having my episiotomy sewn up, and got to hear Jimmy say to the doctor, “Doc, make sure you sew her up real tight, okay?”

6) I enjoy farting. I think it’s fun, funny and funtastic. I will however not fart in front of Jimmy, or for that matter, anyone except Jill, my mom, Alexa, Gianna, Madison, and Mikayla. So, the rest of you are completely safe. Unless you make me laugh too hard. Then I might let one rip. Or if I cough. Or sneeze. Or bend over. Or blink. Okay, maybe you’re not as safe as I’d previously thought.bath-7545

Thank you, Chuck, for forcing me to do another tag filled with worthless and boring crap about myself. I’m sure everyone is thrilled that I took you up on the challenge. Not! But I love you, so how could I refuse? To the rest of you? I’m going to refuse if you tag me!

Go visit Jill, yada yada yada. Love me, love her, yada yada yada.


30 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • blueviolet

    It's a wonder that you're a functioning member of society! ;)

  • Stephanie

    It always comes down to bathroom activities with you, doesn't it?


  • Anonymous

    O Justine, I'm still looking for a charm school for you. I just know it's not to late. :)

    Love Ya,

  • La Belle Mere UK

    Waaaah - Well I for one, loved hearing your funny stories! Especially the one about weeing down the stairs and pooing in the garden!! You didn't mention your age at that point? I'm guess it wasn't recent but who knows?!!


    B x

  • Secondary Roads

    So, you hated the tag, and the rest of us out here in the blogosphere are glad that you rose to the challenge.


  • Cole

    Yep, you've been a character your whole life! :-) I bet you looked adorable in Dr. Dentons.

  • Tami

    LOL, I say Chris was looking for Charm school. I used to go. =X

    I still say what's on my mind, I still let'um rip when my husband and kids are about and how I LOVE TO TORMENT THEM WITH IT. heh heh more so after I eat ice cream or any other "milk" product hahahaa

    you're hilarious!

  • bj

    I'm with Chris..we gotta find a refining school somewhere for our Justiney...I mean, when your link is "farting, hoo hoo, labor and peeing" things are getting outa hand!! You are the first female I have ever heard say they liked to fart. FART! Even the WORD is disgusting....:O)
    And, dear one, may I just say THANK YOU for liking the color of my hair..I don't have any choice..first of all, I AM olden, ya know...second..I am highly allergic to hair color.

  • bj

    O, and I forgot...I got my foot caught in the spokes when I was a little girl (YES, JUSTINE...they had bikes waaaay back then, too) and dang near cut off one of my toes.

  • Tootsie

    you never stop making me laugh!!!

  • Beckie

    My husband and you have something in common--farting. He has the talent of making himself fart whenever he wants to, sort of like when you suck in air to make yourself burp? Yeah, he's quite the party favor, haha. I enjoy random tidbits about you! Lets me feel a little closer to you and all.

  • Amelia

    A diaper??!?!! :D You NEVER cease to amaze me with what you post. Good grief. Laughing my butt off over yonder. :) *hugs*

  • nikkicrumpet

    THE REIGNING QUEEN OF TMI!!!!!! But we love you anyway...farts and all

  • Amandasaurus

    You asked someone to autograph a diaper?! That's the best. I feel the need to one-up that by asking someone to sign, I dunno, a tampon I have in my purse or something.

  • Ginger

    I love learning all these things about you. You are my kind of gal, farts and all.
    Ouch, to the bike injury. That had to be so painful!!
    I would of taken that autograph of Darrel Strawberry and wiped my butt with it. What a jerk he is.

  • ♥georgie♥

    OMGosh!!! I♥ YOU! this post is a classic,, farting really admitting it...LOL...look how cute you look in your pink onesie zipup...
    this is NOT a test post BUT you must let me know you recieved it...after what you put me through last night...LOL...good gawd I am gonna self proclaim myself as one of the sisters!

  • Rachelle

    You are so hilarious! I can't believe you peed on carpeted stairs! lol One of these days you oughta write a book!

  • imjacobsmom

    Daryl Strawberry was a class A citizen here in MN for a few summers, too. He played for the Saint Paul Saints in the northern league. That's just how far he fell....My foot got caught in the spokes way back when, too. Someday I'll show you my scar. ~ Robyn

  • Anonymous

    Your ankle is hot.

    Almost as hot as Will Ferrell.

  • natalee

    justine.. im following your blog now.. you are soo funny.. i will definitly be reading every post.. u girl are so damn funny.. love it!!!!Natalee

  • Amy

    Thanks for the funny Tiney!

  • Laila Of Course!

    hahahah, I love love this post. :) And thank you for the wonderful comment!! <3 It was quite sweet and really made my day!! I will be sure and keep writing, lol.


  • Anonymous


    You are crazy.. LOL.

    Donna Marie

  • Anonymous

    You are hilarious.

    Although I'm a bit worried about the pooping/peeing thing...but we all have our quirks...

    How sweet of your brother to carry you to safety after he nearly killed you.

    Farting IS fun.

  • squawmama

    Once again you have made my day... I loved all this info... It'll all be in my memory bank for future use... LOL LOL


  • Elizabeth

    Hysterical, as always! I hope you show off your leg to your brother frequently!

  • Grand Pooba

    Ok, instead of lmao, I'm lmfo (laughing my farts out) Yeah, I just came up with that one right on the spot. I'm sure there's more goodies where that one came from.

    I can't believe you peed on your basement steps! Then again, I can totally believe that ;)

    Hey Tiney, I'd totally sign your diaper. Just sayin.

    You make me lmfo!

  • SchmeckyGirl

    OMG! Your ankle! I never knew. Yikes, that must have HURT!

    LOL!!! at Darryl Strawberry! What a ass.

  • Mariah

    You are soo funny and guess what? My brother and I used to pretend we were dogs also and poop in the yard. You're cute in your pink jammies, I remember having the chicken pocks too

  • sasha

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