Monday, August 10, 2009

I Shaved My Legs For This?

Last week, Jimmy, as Director of Process Engineering and, his team of project managers and the VP of Process Engineering were to be given one of the ABC's (Associated Builders and Contractors, Inc) Excellence in Construction awards. Stellar had a huge part in the building and development of Starbucks' new "green" roasting plant in Sandy Run, SC. Starbucks was even granted an LEED Silver certificate for new construction. What does that mean? It means that the roasting plant was built primarily with eco-friendly products and will run with much less negative impact on the environment.

And because of this, I had to shave my legs.

Receiving an award means going to an awards dinner and getting all dressed up, something I don't really like to do. One, it's hard to find a dress that looks halfway decent when you're as big as I am, and two, finding shoes that won't render me a cripple is even harder to find.

I got super lucky in that I scored on the second dress I tried on in the first store I walked into. YES! I still looked as fat as ever, but at least it camouflaged a wealth of rolls and pits and dimples. Shoes I bought from Zappos, and I've got to say they've got the best customer service this side of Disney.

The fact that the shoes were instruments of horrendous torture is not the fault of Zappos, but instead the fault of my feet never being in anything more than flip flops, and more times than not, barefoot. Thus leading to the necessity of getting a pedicure so my big toe which would show through the peep-toed shoe would look halfway decent.

The pedicure was lovely, and of course administered by a man who either did not know much English, or just chose to make me believe so by nodding his head and smiling a lot, but not saying a word. Mikayla was with me and had her first pedi experience which she thoroughly enjoyed. I'm sure the two men tending to our footsies thought we were kind of demented with all the giggling and twittering we did over the very powerful massage chairs. At one point Mikayla put hers on the percussion setting and I thought for sure she would either bounce right out of the chair, or lose a toe to her mute technician. Good times!

Finally, Friday arrived and Jimmy flew in that morning after a 10 day business trip in TN. Yes, another big project, this one developing something or other for pizza dough-making. I heard lots of groaning and grunting about the dough balls dropping in the wrong place but tuned that out so I could prepare to actually leave my house looking like something other than the makeup-less, hair-akimbo slob I usually look like.

Here's the finished product. Do not adjust your screen. That actually is me looking halfway decent and smelling fresh. Oh, and without any stubble on my legs or pits.

It has been brought to my attention that having a huge, honkin' tattoo on the front of my leg is not exactly conducive to looking properly dressed up. I tend to agree, but I do love Jesse the frog. How could you not?

Picture courtesy of the artist, Jesse Britten's web page, Third Crow Tattoo.

Look! Makeup! Earrings! A necklace! Holy crap!

Wow, even got a picture of Jimmy and I together. He may look a bit peaked and bloated, but after 10 days of being in a hotel, eating at restaurants and drinking like a fish will do that to you. So will being up 30+ hours with no sleep, which he was at the time this picture was taken.

Seems my bangs were curling up with every passing second. Damned Florida humidity!

I'm going to make this part short and to the point. The cocktail hour was ridiculous. We had to sign in to receive one ticket per person for a free drink. After that, it was a cash bar. No appetizers. Not even a celery stick.

The hotel was nice, the centerpieces lovely.

The food sucked and the portions were more along the lines of an appetizer. Having worked in the hotel industry many years ago, I was not happy to see our slices of cake set on the table before we even entered the room. Very tacky if you ask me.

The service sucked ass too. It wasn't until I was nearly done with my dinner that a server came by to refill my water glass. By that time I had already drunk my whole glass, plus Jimmy's and was eyeballing Jerry's next.

I think Jimmy and Jerry are a very cute couple, don't you?

Jimmy, the director, Jerry the VP. Two pollacks in a pod.

Oh, did I mention this dinner was so boring I nearly nodded off in my 1/4- cup- size serving of luke- warm mashed potatoes? Yeah, see how you'd like sitting through at least 50 awards being given out and the subsequent speeches that came along with it. Torture!

$110 a pop and this is what I got? Thank goodness the money wasn't coming out of our pockets!

And speaking of torture. You already know I have a swelling problem, right? Well, this is what my feet looked like after 4 hours of sitting on my ass with the shoes off and hidden under the tablecloth.

I'll have you know that my feet started hurting about a millisecond after I slipped them inside the shoes. I had to walk around like a Geisha girl because my feet were cramping so bad.

Lovely shoes, not so lovely feet and ankles.

It's inhuman dammit! Oh, and those marks on my foot below? Skeeter bite scars! Oh yeah, the opposite big toenail can do major damage to a skeeter bite.

I was so happy when the last award was given out and the dinner was brought to a close. If not for the utter exhaustion of the whole team after their stint in TN I may have had to suffer through drinks at a nearby restaurant.

One last picture and we were gone!

Jerry, Jaime, holding the funky-looking eagle award, Jimmy, and Tony. Who is not in Jimmy's division but who also works for Stellar and won an architectural award.

I am so never doing this again!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

52 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Amandasaurus

    Sounds like a graduation ceremony. Ugh. Why were ceremonies invented again? I've not met a single person who enjoys them.... However, you looked quite nice in your fancy get-up (and no worries, my feet would've been just as bad afterward, trust me).

  • Becky the Sign Lady

    Sorry you were bored and in horrible pain, but you really look lovely in your pretty dress.

    I love the froggy tattoo!

  • Tami

    You look BEAUTIFUL!
    who said you can't look properly dressed with a tattoo showing? I have one on the back of my neck..
    It's SEXY..

    ALL TATTOOS ARE! Yup.. nods to self.

    You need to check with the doctor for your swelling. I swell like that when I don't drink WATER! HELLO PUT THE DANG COFFEE CUP AWAY AND DRINK A 64oz GLASS OF WATER!
    Maybe 3 you'll see the difference within a few days!

    ps.. you prolly don't trust me now that I told you HOW MUCH I LOVED Framsi hair color.. LOL. *mutters* it didn't like your hair.. NOT my fault.. LOL


  • Amy K.

    I think you looked absolutely beautiful, hun! I'm sorry it was boring and all. But you did get some nice pics and a fun pedicure with your daughter. Not a total bust! :)

  • imjacobsmom

    I've said it before and I'll ay it again, you look really nice in that dress and if I need to go somewhere, I just may have to borrow it. ~ Robyn

  • Shelia

    Oh, Justiney! Poor little tootsies! I'm so sorry you got all swollen! But, honey, you look so beautiful all dolled up! Your hair is just gorgeous - be thankful you have some body in it! Mine is so straight, I have to spray the hound dog out of it to make it not pop up! Your dress is very pretty and looks great on you! You do know how to apply makeup and look at your most gorgeous eyes! You're a sight to behold! You have the prettiest skin!
    Now on to Jimmy! Congrats to the boy! Well, done and hope he'll get a little raise or at least a bonus so you can go buy you something!
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

  • bj

    Oh, are lookin' hot here. Sorry your feet hurt so dang bad. Next time, wear flat, cute shoes and you'll be feeling much better. you are a very pretty lady.
    Congrats to your hubby!!
    I have a post up that mentions you, my dear one...
    xo bj

  • xinex

    Hi Justine, it did not matter how boring the affair was because you looked very lovely!...Christine

  • Chocolate Covered Daydreams

    You looked gorgeous!! Swollen feet and all. Girl, I would've eaten the centerpiece or taken it back to the hotel for a snack. I mean, you pay that much money for dinner and they don't give you free drinks or hor deurves?? (I can't spell that word for nothing!) I'm with you....cheapskates....cake sitting on the table???

  • Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden

    Oh Tiney, you poor thing! I coulda told ya.. those damn peep toes are killers!! I hate them!
    They were very cute tho and you looked beautiful.
    And boy do I know all about scratching bites with the opposite foot, ROFL!
    Glad you girls got in some mother/daughter tootsie time at least!

  • Diane @ Four Paws and Co

    You looked beautiful! Well, all except for the feet & tatoo! I have fussy feet too - not as fussy as yours tho. I ALWAYS bring along another pair of shoes. I refuse to have to hobble. I may not be stylin' but I'm not hobbling either.

    Congratulations to Jimmy. That was a fantastic accomplishment.

    ☺♥☺ diane

  • Anonymous

    Girl, you looked beautiful, well except maybe that tattoo. You're so damn honest, I loved the description of your evening. Know what ya mean about foot problems. I'm not supposed to ever go barefoot, but that's how I live anyway. So, like you, it's painful to wear shoes. Congrats to hubby for his award.

    Love Ya,

  • Cathy

    Girl you looked good... I totally understand about the feet thing.. and the humidity.. I just told G two minutes ago.. I think my humid body needs the humid weather to balance it's self out so my hair will stay straight.. he rolled his eyes.. can you believe..rolled his eyes.. I know he knows that I'm crazy now.. I also have a big skeeter itching toe..

  • Amy

    Well Tiney you do clean up nice! Sorry the dinner sucked, but at least you got a nice dress out of it.

  • Missie

    Okay Justine am I in the right place to leave a comment? If I am, you looked wonderful Friday night! I still think you should RETURN the shoes. Swollen feet or not, you'll never be able to wear them again so why keep them? Next time, buy a wider width and go up maybe 1/2 size to allow for your swelling. They might be a little big when you start but if you swell then they'll fit without cutting off all circulation to your feet. :) I think your tattoo looks fine but if you ever do want to cover it up for any reason just get some Dermablend. It will cover it completely and it's waterproof and sweatproof so you can use it in our Florida heat and humidity.

  • Cole

    You look GORGEOUS!! Your toes look great; it's a shame you had to hide them with the cute but tortuous shoes.

  • Anonymous


    You looked stunning! I loved the make up & hair! Too bad to feets (LOL) were killing you! Boy did they swell! (ouch)

    Congrats to Jimmy!

    Donna Marie

  • Grand Pooba

    Look at you and your sexy ass! You are one hot mamma! This is my first time meeting Jesse the frog, I love him! Especially the colors, that's one talented tattoo artist!

    Oh your poor feet! Well, at least your toe nails are still cute right? Geez what us women have to go through for our men!

  • Stephanie

    You look beautiful! The whole ensemble is fabulous. Too bad you had to sit through all the awards and speeches and....alojglarfrlfglergnrg

    Sorry, fell asleep on my keyboard for a minute.

  • AndreaLeigh

    you look gorgeous! where did you get that dress? smoking hot, woman!

  • Secondary Roads

    What price beauty and glamor?

    However, you are one hot mama!

  • Anonymous

    I thought I was having Deja vu and then I realized I saw this all on FB!

    You look fabulous!

    And I know exactly what you mean. I get dragged to dinners for Josh with horribly overpriced food and obnoxious small talk with people I don't care about...and the worst part is we can't drink bc it's teacher functions!

  • cindy

    YoU LoOk MahVoLus! (I dont like going to those kinds of things either.) We have deer flies here that always bite my feet too! They surround me in swarms and then attack! Hate 'em...I end up itching and scratching for days after a bite. *****Congrats to your hubby on the award!*****

  • Bird Shit and Baby Caca

    You looked great!

  • sue

    Beautiful, just beautiful Tiney!! Love the dress and shoes, hair and makeup gorgeous!! My feet swell like that too, I hate it! The last time I put on heels was a wedding last Fall, I took those shoes off after the first hour and never put them back on, not even to walk to the car! They were killers, I returned them to the store! Congrats to Jimmy, you are lucky to have him doing so well! xo

  • santamaker clean up GOOD!
    Jimmy was one lucky guy to have you by his side!
    Justine, you look just gorgeous and honey, I TOTALLY relate to your shoe problems! My feet are just as wide as they are long and they make Jill's toes look long! :op
    I can NEVER find dressy shoes. Whenever I dress up for a formal night I always wear a long (to the toes) dress, so people won't stair at my feet. My dad used to tell me I had donkey feet. I feel your pain, girlfriend!
    Justine, you're always so sweet to compliment me on my creations... thanks, girl.

  • Ginger

    Did I read that right, you had to pay to go to this awards dinner? I think I would of taken the centerpiece home...someone did, might as well have been you. lol.
    You looked great, and so did your hair and makeup, and your pedicure.
    I hope Zappos took the shoes back.
    Very cute dress.
    Yes, that was tacky that they had the cake sitting out before dinner.
    Congrats to Jimmy on a job well done.

  • Life on Bonnie Lane

    As I already told you, you looked gorgeous! The dress, makeup, and jewelry really flattered! I adore the shoes, but am sorry they were so painful. Have you ever heard of Cloudwalkers? They come in wide widths and are supposed to be ultra comfortable. I've never tried them yet.

    Got to admit that you and Jimmy are a cute couple. His friend Jerry is no slouch either. Is he single? lol

    Too bad they gave you the diet sized portions of food. Kind of ridiculous after you spent that much money for the dinner. I also think that an awards dinner should be free. Maybe the company had no money left after giving all of their employees that fitness and diet thingie.


  • mrsben

    Congratulations to Jimmy! (Now that is over.....let's get down to YOU.)

    You looked absolutely stunning Justine! (NO B.S.!) Sorry about your tootsie's though, as you had to be in pain. -Brenda-

    P.S: Unbelievable that they made you pay to attend. Hopefully Jimmy's Company will reimburse. If not, does he have a Company Expense Account? In all probability they can write it off as an expenditure. Just a thought.

  • squawmama

    Wooooo Hoooo don't you just look like a million. Loved the dress and really loved the torturous shoes... Very nice! Sorry the evening sucked so badly. And no open bar... How cheap is that?

    Ok I will not be back into the wonderful state of Florida until November 2010. It is the first time ever we stayed away for the winter. I will be in Arkansas until January 3rd and then we are going to roam around Texas, Arizona & New Mexico... Around April we will meet Chris & Norm to head to Alaska... Unless something changes before then. So keep watching for lots of adventures...

    Have fun!

  • blueviolet

    You are HOT! Oh my gosh, your hair was perfect, your makeup was absolutely stunning, and the dress was gorgeous! Wow, girl, you're beautiful!

    Sorry the stupid dinner was so completely boring. I hate business events like that. They're misery.

  • Mrs. B. Silly

    I did a blog post! The first one in a month!!! I posted how to convert to Pirate English. You have to read the whole thing, you are mentioned at the end. ROFL
    I liked your comment about "do not adjust your screen!"

  • Laila Of Course!

    Aww, poor you. :( Those feet look awful. haha. And they kind of look like mine after I squeeze them into a pretty pair of shoes JUST BECAUSE of the keyword: pretty.
    And that was a pretty interesting goal you have going there! hehe. I hope you fulfill it.. one way or another.

  • Laila Of Course!

    Oh, and you look lovely in that dress!!

  • JennyMac

    Love this post..and you looked great!

  • Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    Wow you clean up nice, don't you? ;) You look HOT!! LOVE the dress! I have the swelling problem, too - my doctor put me on water pills a few weeks ago, but so far nothing's eliminated the swelling. Sucks pond water! And mosquitoes love to munch on my feet, too...ugh!

    I had to attend an awards dinner for hubby last year - he was getting an award for doing something he'd swear he'd never a team player. BWAHAHAHA! It was misery, and thankfully since he wasn't getting an award this year I didn't have to go. :)

  • Elizabeth

    I think you looked great, and I can't believe how fast your feet swelled up! Great pedicure, though. Having the cake already cut is yucky, dries it out, and is tacky. 1 free drink? For an award-winner?

  • Amy

    You looked quite lovely, girly!

  • Ronda's Rants

    You look great...I have a tattoo too!
    It's on my right foot!
    I think your husband's company did a great thing with the Starbucks and it's great that they received a LEED certification. :)
    Thanks for the nice words on my are a sweet, sweet girl!

  • Amelia

    You should give yourself more credit. You really are a beautiful woman!! :) And congrats to Jimmy! Woot!

  • Lisa (aka) French

    You clean up well chickie you looked really pretty;) Ah those poor feet I feel you mine do the same and I am sure it's all the coffee and lack of water just like me! Hugs and thanks for listening to my banter!!! French;) xoxo

  • roy/elisabeth dean

    CRAP! I couldn't see a lot of the pictures! The ones I did see of you look beautiful!
    I love to get all dressed up and go to fancy awards dinners....not so much the ones with the cash bars though!
    Have a great week~

  • roy/elisabeth dean

    ok...saw this pics 2nd time around! you look wonderful! did i already say that?

  • Tootsie

    you looked beautiful!!! Tattoo and all!

  • Secondary Roads

    Just one question . . . Why do gals do that to their feet?

    There is an award for you today on Secondary Roads.

    -- Chuck

  • Four in Costa Rica

    You looked great! Congrats on finding the dress so quickly. I hate dress shopping too.


  • lilsista

    Wow! You looked like a million bucks girl! Love your choice of necklace and earrings! You clean up just smashing! :0) Oh the things we do for our guys hey? But....I bet that besides the painful felt great....right? looked fantastic!


  • ♥georgie♥

    OMGosh you all looked GREAT!!!

    ummmm if the shoes are a size 11 I would be more than happy to take them off your hands errr

    LOVE those shoes...cute pedi too

  • Kristen

    Crap! Your poor toesies. But damn girl. You clean up real good! Umm. I mean you always look that good (don't hurt me).

  • Cathy

    Where ya been? Put the plow down and leave the farm once in a while.. lol... I am taking a vaca from the farm. I needed a change on scenery..

  • Laila Of Course!

    ooo and by the way, today my friend Banana posted about Ramadan. just giving you a headsup, since you're always begging for tidbits into Islam! ahahahhaah. but seriously.

  • Gayle

    I bet Jimmy was so proud to have you by his side. :0)
    And, swollen feet or not, that Pedi is to die for missy.
    Now, take the compliment