Monday, September 7, 2009

Friend? Or Faux?

I'm sitting here staring at my computer and trying to figure out what it is I want to say. My emotions have been on a roller coaster these past few days and putting two thoughts together isn't easy.

Let me ask you this. Have you ever found someone online that you just clicked with and within weeks or months forged a great friendship with? Someone you cherished, revered, looked up to?

Now let me ask you this. If you answered yes to the above, have you ever had that same person turn on you in such a heartless and cowardly way that it left you stunned?



This happened to me just a few days ago. For 2 years I was what I thought very close friends with this person. We had an email loop with three other women and we generated hundreds of emails every week, just sharing this, that and whatever. If you know me at all, you can probably imagine that I shared everything.

From marital problems, to parenting things, to give me advice on this vase. From what's for dinner to your hair looks great, to can you believe I have the squirts again?

What I learned this week? Is that the same people who commend you for your honesty, for your non-filtered way of expressing yourself and who you thought accepted you for your quirky personality, frequent crudeness and varied faults? They lied.

Another thing I learned this week? Not everyone wants to know everything about you. Not everyone wants to hear both the positive and the negative. Not everyone wants to know if your farts smell from one moment to the next.

I also learned that sharing your everything, your very soul, the essence of who you are, can be used against you to make you feel classless, worthless, inelegant, and cheap.

Does this mean I'm going to change who I am, how I convey myself? Put a filter on my thoughts? Nope, you bet your ass I'm not. Because in this instance? It was not a fault of mine, but a fault of the person in question.

She's a fraud. For two years she befriended me. She gave me advice, praise, admonished me when she thought it was due, shared her family, her vacations, her struggles with me.

How was I to know that all along I was was looked upon as beneath her? I suppose the signs had been there for a while. Gee, your name isn't showing up on my friends list on Face Book. "Oh, it must be a Face Book glitch." Uh huh, right. Little jabs here and there on my brand of parenting, my role as a wife, my makeup application.

I should have known. But really? It's my fault in a way because I put it all out there and demand honesty from people. So, I tend to get brutal honesty. And that's fine, that's what I want, as long as you truly like me as a person.

Why spend two years of your life pretending to love me, showing generosity and kindness to me and my children if all along you've had no respect for me? You made me love you. You made me look up to you, and feel honored to be your friend. And the reason you give for denouncing me from your life? Because I used the word "poop" too many times. Because, and I quote, "I'm over the drama and the grossness and all the me me me of Justine's world.
She burnt her bridge with me, no turning back.
"

Do you remember my mentioning my new friend here in the neighborhood, Ethel? Well, this past week she had a very major surgery and of course I was sharing all the updates with my loop girls because I figured they cared because it was something I cared about. How wrong I turned out to be! I told them how she was faring once home and how she was still unable to go potty. That one innocent update was the trigger for this person's scorn. I received a rude email about "not wanting to know about your friend's bowel movements or lack thereof..."

I wonder now had I used the term "bowel movement" instead of "poop" if this could all have been avoided. But no, this was just an opportunity to discard me. A most cowardly way to sever the "friendship" without owning up to her true feelings.

Of course there were several more emails exchanged, my words twisted so she could cry foul. I can't share those with you. I won't share those with you. See, many of you know this person and truly like her. I can't blame you. She's really sweet and giving. But just be warned that if you have a potty mouth and/or she finds you lacking in social graces, you may just be next on her list to be tossed aside. Oh, and did I mention that when she flipped me the equivalent of the online bird, she also did the same to Jill? Yes, Jill, my sister who has never done a bad thing to anyone.

Don't ask me who it is. I won't tell you. I'm not here to cause rifts between friends. I'm just here, on my very own blog, expressing my feelings.

I leave you now, my heart torn and bloody, ravaged by a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Oh shit, was that too dramatic? I do apologize. It's just, I'm so very classless and uncouth. I can't seem to help myself.




Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!


53 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

  • Jill

    Oh Justine, I am so sorry you were hurt. True friends should be able to "ignore" things that may be too descriptive just so that they are there for you.

    We all need someone to confide in and vent our frustrations. It is way easier to do this when you are not face to face with someone.

    I am sure the person who acted not as a true friend will regret their actions and realize how genuine and caring you really are.

    I love your honesty even when it hurts me, because you would never stab someone in the back.

    {{{hugs}}}
    Kiki

  • Mariah

    I hate this kind of shit! It's simple, if you don't want to read someone or be their friend GO TO THE NEXT BLOG!!! Don't pretend and get someone's feeling involved. That sucks, sorry Justine, sometimes people can be so lame!

    Hope your friend Missie is doing better

  • MJ's doghouse

    i had a friend basicallly do the same thing...she screwed up when she was msning me and another online friend...she accidentally msn.d me when it should have been for the other woman...it sucked...my heart was broken...and i was afraid to say anything to anybody...but eventually..i decided i am not going to change me...and decided to come back..i have not really made any blog friends...but have read some fabulous blogs that just make me so happy...you and your sister make me smile so much...my hubby is away alot so i really need something to break the boredom...that a new job at starbucks that is near killing me...so anyhow...what i would say is....carry on being you...dont let her get to you...it is most definately her loss.....

  • Mikki Black

    Been there, received that. It sucks how some people seem to get joy from hate.

    Here's a hug for you and one for your sick friend. Hope she gets better soon!

  • Cole

    Aww, Tiney! I'm so sorry! You told me a little a few days ago...and the more I hear, the madder I am FOR YOU.

    You are an awesome, caring, funny, honest woman. You deserve only the best people around you and while it hurts now; you're much better off without her.

  • mommynoodles

    Sorry to hear about your so called friend,Justine! Noone is a friend if you have to change yourself for them! And the gall of them to lead you on for 2 years,it's ashame that their good at their game.That is not something to be proud of,to crush people! Well,you can talk about poop,farts,snotballs whatever you want.It's ok w/ me! lol Natalie,

  • Ginger

    Hi Justine....no, I can't say that I've had that happen to me, yet. But it would really hurt to be close to someone for 2 years and then all of a sudden they don't want anything to do with you.
    This world of blogging has really been fun for me, and I love talking to everyone and getting to know people enough to email back and forth. I think your blog is funny, and so down to earth and I hope you don't change a thing about it, or yourself.

  • Donna Marie

    Wow,

    Yes... this has happened to me with a few of my RMS/Blog friends. It hurts for a hot second, you get over it and go back to being the wonderful you that you are.

    Keep on being you Justine! You are terrific and funny, Loving and caring, gross and vulgar! (LOL) and I LOVE IT! You make me laugh even when I dont feel like laughing! :)


    Donna Marie

  • Tami

    Justine, I'm sorry this happened to you. Liek I said.. You are YOU. The person God made.. DON'T change!

    People believe, because your behind a screen on blogs, or emails that you are emotionless. You have NO feelings.. they get real big behind a monitor!

    Heal your heart girlie.. You and Jill are the sweetest Ladies I know.. and i SAY LADIES!

    LOVE YOU BOTH!

  • Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden

    Well POOP on her!!!
    I'm sorry you're hurt Justine. But hey, you've got friends in "low places"... I'm one of em!
    I hope Missie is better, that is BS how she was treated.

  • Tootsie

    Justine!!! I totally can relate to how disillusioned you feel. This same thing happened to me...only not because I was "grossing" anyone out!
    When the chips are down...you find out who your true friends are.
    Hey..we fight/fought...we disagree and we accept each other's differences...
    All I have to say is that it is not your loss...It is hers...AND
    "classless, worthless, inelegant, and cheap."...my dear friend are the words to describe this entire situation....
    don't let anyone get you down...a friend worth her salt would have privately said that you were bothering her in some way...excuses are not a classy way to end a friendship.
    anyhow...best go..Busy starts her first day of Pre K tomorrow...what ever will I do without my lovely assistant following me around like a shadow?
    Yesterday she put her baby in the corner for being a "bad" girl....and forgot she was standing there....this morning when she got up...she saw her there and spend 1/2 hour sucking up to her for making her be in trouble for so long!
    there...did that make you smile?

  • Tootsie

    oh...by the way...it is no one's business WHO the friend was...and I think it was very classy of you not to post any names...you vented...and that is allowed...you shared your feelings and maybe...just maybe she will see it and have second thoughts...and if she doesn't...well...her reputation is not smudged and your dignity is in place!

  • Amy K.

    Ugh. I've had a few "friends" like that. They are the ones who are beneath us, NOT the other way around. The only other thing I have to say about them is: Good riddance and thanks for not breathing our air!

  • aimee

    I'm so sorry you've been hurt, Justine!

    Love you... Aim

  • Chocolate Covered Daydreams

    I just dealt with this two weeks ago and it's still smarting (like my word...so 70's...)I thought we were "family" after all, that's what she told me I was. But, then she decided that she didn't do needy...couldn't be there for me when I needed her and vice versa and then proceeded to post my emails and her emails on her blog. Not knowing the whole story, her "followers" chimed in..."Oh, she IS needy." Not!!!

    Anyway, you will learn as I have learned that this is life in blogland. If it had been a face to face friendship, then maybe you would've had many opportunities to see where she was heading. I'm curious as to who it is but I will respect that whoever it is doesn't deserve your friendship. It hurts but you will be okay.

  • Yaya

    What?? I need to know who this is because if they are my bloggy friend they are done. That is so wrong.

    Tiney, I don't have a lot of "real life" friends (I know, shocker right? ;) but you see, the thing is, I'm very real. I tell it as it is. I see things for what they are and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. People don't like that. People may say 'I applaud your honestly and your ability to be real' but when it comes down to it, people are scared and intimidated by it.

    (((Hugs))) Just Be YOU!

  • Amy

    I was wondering where you've been. So sorry someone stomped on your heart. Don't worry, no one needs friends like that. In time this will pass, and your heart will heal. You are holding true to who you are, and that is all that matters! Hugs to you Tiney. Who gives a "poop" about the other chick!

  • Stephanie

    How awful. I'm so sorry that's happened. You are, however, surrounded by love and support and true friends. That certainly doesn't make this betrayal any easier to swallow, but you are important to so many people. You're important to me! I love you just as you are!
    Love,
    Steph

  • Bird Shit and Baby Caca

    I'm so sorry! Keep your head up! You're better than that and you don't need people like that in your life!

  • cindy

    Well, that sucks!...I personally enjoy your blog...you have a really good way of saying whats on your mind...so real...I'm sorry this happened to you...Mr. Moose sends a big slurpy kiss your way!~C~

  • Secondary Roads

    When you get a load of dung, just leave it alone. Let it rot. Later, when it has rotted down, put it on your garden. More beautiful flowers. Bigger tomatoes. (Remember what I said about your farm?)

    I love rhubarb (the vegetable). There is nothing like old dung to make the rhubarb grow big and strong and healthy.

  • Kristen

    That totally sucks and I am so sorry. I am dreading when that will happen to me. Because it will, someday. People are like that in real life and they will be like it in blog world. I would imagine that it's even easier to be a fake in blog land...

    As far as you being underneath me. The only way you will be underneath me is if you are a damn fine, sexy hot fireman. In that case watch out!

  • Jill

    Can I say.... I told you so???
    I have been feeling for months the distance this person was putting between herself and us. This was at no shock to me. The only shock I had was the way this person spoke to you. DISGUSTING! Can you say NO CLASS at all from someone that is supposed to be so classy!

  • Amy

    Some people have nothing better to do with their lives than to cause problems for others. I hope you don't let it keep you down.

  • mrsben

    Justine, I've had the pleasure of getting to know you since you first posted your Rooster on RMS. Da*n if I can remember his name at the moment BUT I do vividly remember those days...Trolls 'n all and I am deeply sorry that this has occurred.

    Please keep in mind that the really important thing here is; that YOU Justine knows exactly who and what you are.

    Many hugs -Brenda-

  • roy/elisabeth dean

    Stay true to Tiney!
    You don't have to change anything~
    If anyone gets offended by something that you've written, it's as easy as hitting the back button (then you won't lose your place).
    By tomorrow, someone else in Blogville will be bitchy (unfortunately)
    ♥,Lilly

  • roy/elisabeth dean

    Stay true to Tiney!
    You don't have to change anything~
    If anyone gets offended by something that you've written, it's as easy as hitting the back button (then you won't lose your place).
    By tomorrow, someone else in Blogville will be bitchy (unfortunately)
    ♥,Lilly

  • Beckie

    I used to clean poop and other in-mentionables for a living. Nothing in this world can gross me out and if grown ass people can't handle the word poop, they can just kiss a donkey (hehehe). You are a fabulous person. I'm grateful for knowing the little bit about you that I do. She however sounds like an ugly person inside and you do not need that negativity or energy sucking kind of heathen in your life. I'm sorry she was a cow to you. You'll find better :)

  • Missie

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Missie

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • nikkicrumpet

    Hey woman. Funny how the very words used to supposedly describe you are the perfect description for the creep who hurt you. If you were "classless" like she suggested...you would have put her name out there for the world to see. The fact that you are protecting her (when she doesn't deserve it) proves what a classy lady you are. I for one love how honest and open you are. You make me laugh and you have a heart of gold! Anyone who would hurt you is no friend of mine. I am more that proud to be your BIATCH...and if that makes me a lowlife then I'll proudly take that title too! And don't worry...one person's opinion means nothing...because there are a million of us out here in blogland that think you and your sister are something special! Big hugs and kisses!

  • ♥georgie♥

    Oh my (((JUSTINE))) I am so sorry this happened to you...it's is awful just awful and i am speechless

  • blueviolet

    I am so incredibly sorry for the pain you must be feeling right now. And your sister having your back just does my heart good, and I know it must do your heart good as well.

    (((hugs)))

  • KK

    Your sister sent me. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. People! I do want to say how awesome it is that you and your sister support each other this way!

  • Ginger

    Coming back to comment again. Loved Jill's post and your comment to her. You gals Rock!!!
    Love Ya...

  • santamaker

    (((Justine))), so sorry you are feeling low. She is not worth your time or thought. Try to let it go. We love you just the way you are, and you can even ask Billy Joel!
    :O)

  • xinex

    So sorry about this so called ex-friend, Justine. But sounds like it's not a big loss anyway so just keep going and be happy!...Christine

  • Elizabeth

    "Oh shit, was that too dramatic? I do apologize."
    Maybe you should have used the word shit instead of poop!
    You remember the story about the person who wouldn't do a swap with me because of my blog name, right? There's nuts everywhere.
    I am frequently offended by some of my bloggy friends with extremely conservative views. But I choose not to start a conflict, since I am not a political or religious blogger. I skip those posts, and read their funny, interesting, and helpful posts about books, crafts or decorating.

  • Michele

    What an absolute bitch...sorry, can't say it any other way. I don't want you to change...I love you just the way you are..And damit, I wish I lived closer to you and Jill, so I could come and party with you and the kids..it always sounds like so much fun. No one lives up here in the sticks!

    Big hugz,
    Michele

  • Shelia

    Hey Justiney! Thanks for popping in to share my news with me! We're so excited. No, my daughter says they are going to be surprised. We'll see! :)
    Be a sweetie,
    Shelia ;)
    Sorry for all that's been going on. Chin up, girl!

  • Nikke

    Ugh.
    That's happened to me as well.
    So sorry it happened to you.
    *Hugs*

  • SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB

    i just found you from jill's site. crazy story and crazy ex-friend! come check me out when you get a chance!

  • Sweet Mama Jones

    Cheers to the coward getting so constipated that all she can blog or email about is her inability to POOP. poop poop poop poop
    I just want to KEEP saying it now, in hopes that she is reading your blog comments. I wish I had radar for people like her - its happened to me before too, and so hard to ever shake the feeling of betrayal. But you will! Love your blog, I'm sure I will stalk regularly now. :)

  • Grand Pooba

    You mean this shit happens in bloggy land too? I thought that was just real life crap you had to deal with! Who is this person so I can go give her a piece of my mind? I know you already said you wouldn't tell but, come on!

    For saying poop? I love poop. Poop is my friend and everybody poops. You poop, I poop, we all poop. I have a feeling that this person would not like me one bit, in which case I hope she can never poop again.

    I'm sorry this happened, I don't understand it but you've got plenty other friends that won't turn their backs on you!

  • Fragrant Liar

    Better you know about people who think their shit doesn't stink but yours does BEFORE too much time goes by. I realize it was two years (TWO YEARS!?), but many more important and worthwhile things have happened in your life during those two years that could easily eclipse her betrayal. Don't dwell on it now. Look at all the people who just jumped on your bandwagon, Tiney, cheering for YOU and all your good poop! That's what matters most.

  • Philly

    What's wrong with having a potty mouth? Fuck, she could never be my friend and I wouldn't want her as my friend, that bitch.
    And for the word poop? You know the sista's. We loving telling poop stories, hell the whole family does. Just the other day, our brother posted on his facebook that he will never eat general chao's chicken again. Why , you ask? He pooped his pants in work and had to go home.
    True story.

    #1

  • Tabby

    Hi Justine,
    I found your blog through your wonderful sisters blog. I read what she wrote and also what you wrote about this person who was not a true friend. I am truly sorry she caused you pain. Do not be hard on yourself you do not have to take that from anyone. I look forward to reading your blog. Wishing you a good weekend!

  • mrs.boring stay at homer

    Coming your way through Momma Wears Gucci but have "seen you around other blogs" too.
    Sorry you're going through this. A few years ago, I had a "friend". Eventually, I figured as much talking as she does behind people's backs TO me that she was probably talking ABOUT me as well!
    Why do women have to be so "junior highish"? Stupid.
    Hope things get better for you.
    I will be back soon!
    I'm headed over to your sisters now! ( :

  • Sophia

    Justiney...I am so sorry that this happened to you. OMG! (tears) You don't deserve this. Hang in there and hold your head high! ((hugs))

  • bj

    o, Justiney...I wish I knew who she was so I could call her out on it. I may be OLDEN but I am pretty dang tuff and I KNOW I could just beat the heck out of her.
    Really, dear one...I am sorry there has to be such rude and mean people all over EVERYwhere. I am sorry someone had to be mean to you. I also had what i thought was a good friend. She and I emailed some, we visited ea others blog every day, I sent her a little gift once . Then, just out of the blue, she dropped me like a damned hot potato. Never heard a word back from her...my comments were never posted ....just blew my mind and hurt my feelings so much, I cried over it for awhile. THEN...realized SHE must be having problems and just didn't want to visit anymore. So...that's that.
    Hang in there, sister friend...it is sure HER loss and not yours!
    xo bj

  • Tootsie

    okay....get up...post something insane or cheerful...or "offensive" to show us ...well mostly me...that you are okay!!! I am starting to worry...first the faux farming, now the silent treatment...then...the most recent turn of horrible events!!!
    friend...I need to be shocked and amazed and entertained by your silly self...POST SOMETHING!!!!

  • Amy

    Hey Girl, I'm back to check on ya!

    Thanks for your kind comments lately. I'm glad to see your still alive and kicking!

    Oh. and by the way... I do not have a doggy, so the cocoa mulch is ok for us. Warned the neighbors though.

  • Putz

    hey , a coouple of things....first talking about blogging buddies per say, what ever happened to tisme2, gail?????second i had been blogging to candle and she told me she was 28 and a female and a obamahite...guess what...as of freedomworks on september 12rth in washington d.c....this was a a married man who knows how old with a conservative bent on politcs,,,, i was in love with her, er i mean him.....now is that a betrayl or what?????so yes i do know what you are talking about...also my blogging has got me into deep trouble...my wife says i am an embarassment to her and the world because i am so open in my blogging, so the PUTZ has quit bloggin altogether...all these thought s you made me do it justine....please respond back...i nneed the strokes...the loving strokes...love the putz....oh by the way i am harmless....68 year old harmless tottering old, so don't be afraid i am putting on moves or anything....you just made me think is alll