Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Letter of the Day is V!

Did you read Jill Jill's Bo Bill's blog post from this past Sunday? She was tagged by one of her friends to construct a post using a letter in the alphabet that was given to her as a prompt. With it (hers was the letter R) she had to list 10 things she absolutely loves that start with that letter. I begged and pleaded asked to join in the fun, and Jill didn't let me down. I just received an email from her stating that my letter is V. This is one I'll have to think long and hard over. It might take me days to write this post. V... What do I love that starts with V?

  • Vidalia onions.  I know, what's there to love about a damn onion?  Well, if you ask me you can't cook many good meals without onions, and according to all the women in my family, Vidalia onions are the best.  They say they're sweeter, more flavorful.  I don't know about that; to me they just taste like an onion, but who am I to argue with all the women of the family?  And don't be fooled people.  If it wasn't grown in Vidalia, Georgia, it ain't a Vidalia onion!  And these hicks Georgians aren't playing any games either.  Each spring they have a frickin' festival to celebrate the onion harvest.  A reported 75,000 people show up each year to look at onions, smell onions, watch people cook onions, eat onions, and even pick out their very own Miss Vidalia Onion.  I've got proof too.

    And who the hell helped her pick out that outfit anyway? Dinah Shore? (If you don't know who Dinah Shore is, you're too young to be here, so scram!)

  • Vermin.  Yes, I realize that the term vermin implies pests, and different species are categorized as vermin in different geographical areas.  Here in FL some that come to mind are mice, armadillo, opossum, raccoons, and bats.  Sorry, but I love them all.  If it's got fur, I probably love it.

  • Vampires.  No, not vampire bats, but the immortal kind that suck blood to live.  But not just any old vampire.  Vladmir Dracul just doesn't cut it for me.  These days my love for vampires is cleanly cut in two.  I love Christine Feehan's "Carpathians", which can't be categorized as vampires because they don't suck to kill.  They're sexy, they're ethical (as ethical as a blood sucker can be) and they boink like paranormal rabbits.   
    Then there's Stephenie Meyers' Edward.  Sigh.  He's even more beautiful in my   imagination than he is as portrayed on the silver screen.  He's both cold and unyielding as stone, but hey, any man/vampire than can sparkle in the sunlight gets high sexiness points from me.

  • Vanilla.
     Not the ice cream though.  That's just way too boring for my taste buds.  No, I mean the scent of vanilla.  Ah, it's my very favorite treat for the shnoz.  Candles, scented oils, perfumes, lotion, body wash, you name it, and if it smells like vanilla, I want it.
    My very favorite currently, is Vanilla Bean Noel by Bath and Body Works.  Oh my goodness, you smooth this on and you are transported to another plane of existence.

  • Vamerican Express.  No wait, I just made that up because I really do love it.  What should have been there was Visa, but I don't heart my Visa, because it's a debit card and there's rarely any money in the checking account to spend.  So instead, I heart my Vamerican Express.  So I cheated.  Big whoop!  With my Vamerican Express I can buy groceries, have a field day in Wal-Mart, fill my tank up with gas, and book a one-way ticket to Aruba.  For one.  

  • Venus.  The razor, not the planet, although the planet's pretty cool too.  But back to my razor.  It's the Venus Embrace, and I just adore it.  See, I'm hairy, real hairy.  Like Sasquatch hairy, and any old razor just isn't going to cut it.  Ooh, that was punny.  Get it?  Cut it?  Okay, I'll stop.  Anyway, this little beauty has five, count em, five blades, which can tackle any amount of leg fur.  Not only that, but it's got this great little gel strip that moisturizes as it glides over your skin.  Lovely.

  • Vernacular.  The word is cool enough by itself.  Go ahead, say it. It just rolls off the tongue.  The reason I love it is because I think any writer who has the ability to write a character's specific vernacular, and keep it up throughout a whole book, is, well... just amazing.  You know who is utterly talented in this art?  None other than our bloggy friend, Gollum, also known as Michael Lee West, writer of beautiful southern novels.

    Take one of her endearing characters, Queenie, from her first novel, Crazy Ladies. It's mid-century or thereabouts, and Queenie is an older black woman, raised in the south, and works as a maid. Assuming from the vernacular, Queenie didn't have much in the way of education, but what she lacked in book smarts, she more than made up for in her wise black-woman-from-the-south way of looking at things. And the way that Michael portrayed her voice was pure genius. What Queenie said, and how she said it made you feel like you were in the room with her, experiencing what life in the south was like way back then for an uneducated black woman.

    So yep, you're darn tootin' I enjoy reading different vernaculars, especially when written by a master storyteller.

  • Vulgarity.  Yep, sometimes there's just nothing like a bunch of off-color words to describe a situation or emotion.  I'm not saying it's a good thing to love but fuckin' eh I can't help it!  Now don't think I walk around my house dropping the F bomb left and right because that just isn't so.  Now Jill, my sweet sister that everyone knows and loves?  She's got a mouth on her that would do a punch-drunk sailor proud.  I can't tell you how many times I had to tell her to hush when she was here last.  Every other sentence was F this, and F'in that.  Everyone thinks I'm the sister lacking in class.  Nope, you've got it all wrong!  It's Jill!

  • Vince Vaughn.  Ooh, that's two Vs!  Does this mean I'm done?  But back to Vince.  I don't know what it is about him.  He hasn't got a fantastic body, and he's not the most gorgeous male specimen I've ever seen, but there's something oh so sexy about him.  Maybe it's his voice?  Or it could be those sexy purple bags under his eyes?  Dunno.  And look at his friend Owen Wilson.  Such a total cutie, but a more muffed up nose I've never seen in my life!

  • Vagina.  (Had to save the best for last, didn't I?)  Anyway, a healthy pink one.  Hey, don't give me that look!  I didn't come up with this.  Ms. Jill Jill Bo Bill did.  I swear!  I can show you the email and everything!  But hey, when someone gives you a great idea, and it consists of a taboo anatomical body part, you just gotta go with it?  Right?  Work with me here people!  Oh vagina, how do I love thee?  Well, I don't really.  First of all, it's damn ugly.  Second, nothing good ever comes from it.  Well, babies, yes, but it hurts to squeeze a whole person out of there!  How did God come up with this idea anyway?  "Well see, we'll make the vaginal opening about the size of a kiwi, but then when a new life comes into the world, the woman will have to squeeze out a human head roughly the size of a cantaloupe."  Uh huh, and some of you say God is a woman.  I beg to differ!  So back to my vagina (heeheehee... even the word makes me giggle).  It's fairly useless to me these days.  In fact, the other day while showering, I think I found a few tumbleweeds floating around in there.  Uh huh.  It's like an Arizona ghost town, but without the ghosts.  Come on, even I don't have a possessed hoo hoo.

  • And now that I've left you with that lovely vision, it's time to hand over a letter to someone else who can try to have fun with this. I'm telling you, it's a lot harder than you think! Okay, passing off to my hot, sexy sister, Jill. You ready, sis? Your letter is P. Have fun!!!!!

    Until Next Time, Tiney

    35 "Sister" Lovin' Friends Said:

    • Anonymous

      LMAO...... (almost spit out my tea when I read "vagina". A pink healthy one??? One would hope! (LOL) You need a doctor! Boy do I miss you! Off to read your last post... not sure if I am ready!

      PS... that neacklace that you, Jill and Buffie sent Bridget was awesome! It made my heart sing!

      Donna Marie

    • Bridget

      Donna Marie is right about the necklace! It is awesome. Thank you all once again. Love you gals.
      Now on to the vagina...I have never squeezed a person out of mine, thank God!

    • Bridget

      Why do you have a picture of Dinah Shore under Vidalia?

    • Jill

      Okay you comment on my mouth one more time I'm gonna break all your fingers so you can't type anymore! Is that VULGAR enough for you...? LOL! I am telling you I only curse like that around you! I like to let it all out on you! I live for it! At least I don't shout and scream in the middle of Target or Walmart that you want to suck my face... Now that's classy sis! huh!

    • Ma'dame French

      LOL never squeezed a human or at least the 2 I have out of mine either it's called C section! Your funny I have a love for vampires too these days;) Hugs French

    • Anonymous

      Another REALLY funny post!!!!

      OMG---what is it about the word "vagina". I just don't like it.....a man must have made that word up.

      I think I like Borat's pronunciation better "Va-geen"...doesn't that sound prettier????

    • Raxx - A day in the life

      Can I get a whoop whoop! for the C section! No way I'll ever put my vagina through that!

      Oh Justine................. I made the mistake of reading your post and eating mac and cheese at the same time! big mistake!

      Vince Vaughn is indeed a hottie!

    • jill jill bo bill

      OMG!!! You did GREAT! And never had to use Viagra or Vienna sausages. You totally rock, Justiney and make me Verklempt.

    • Picket

      Morning girl....I knew with the letter V...I should have worn blinders..but you did so well with the onions and the razor and credit card so I am thinking..wow this is a new year and we may just have a new Justine....but ohhhhh no you gotta go and have some tumbleweeds floating around in regions that only God should know about...you know I am off my Pepsi for awhile so I have no medication to turn too for 'Justine Shock!' Girl.I swear you'd make a sailor blush in the dark!!!!! lol lol

    • Michelle

      You crack me up!!! I too love Vampires. That V is a tough one. You did a great job.

    • Buffie

      You and your hoo hoo! I think I hear about it at least once a day! hahaha!!!

      I have to admit I was a little turned on by Brat Pitt in Interview With A Vampire...hot but he was a vampire with a conscience!!!

      And the women in your family on right on the money with the Vadlia onion, I don't used anything but! :)


    • Stephanie

      Mmm. Onions. This weekend when my husband was out of town, I picked up two blooming onions from the Outback and wolfed them down while watching a movie.

      Then, I assumed the fetal position on my bathroom floor, naked, and shivered and cried with shame.

      It was a good weekend.

    • HeatherF1

      I think you like Vince Vaughn because he kind of looks like Steve from Ghost Hunters.
      I am sorry that your vagina is a ghost town. That is not good, my friend. I guess you probably knew that though...

    • Mama

      ROFL, Catching up Justine and boy did I miss a lot, I like onions, (got a new cook book all about onions) Vanni wants me to make French onion soup, did you know you have to cook the onions for five hours (to get the sweetest taste from them). Vanilla is a fave of mine too, Vince Vaughn and Vampires not so much, Gollum's books I am hooked, brilliant. Now Vagina, what can I add that you havent already said heehee except you are totally funny girl and when is YOUR book coming out??.

    • Lisa

      I love me some Vince Vaughn too.

    • SchmeckyGirl

      Aw... you're getting use of your vagina... you pee.

      Vidalias rock. They're all I use.

      Very fun idea for a post!

    • Anonymous

      I'm betting you'd be just as hilarious if you'd got an X or a Z.

      Where on earth does all that stuff come from? Goodness knows what's gong round in your head most of the day?

      Al I can say is you must have been on your very best behaviour when we met you!

    • Tootsie

      you crack me up! Love the post...only you can pull this off...I swear anyone else would be in huge trouble! Love ya sunshine!

    • Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity

      Girl, you are a hoot!! I only use Vidalia onions. I use them a lot.

      I love the scent of vanilla.

      That is a very nice picture of Gollum.
      Hugs, Terrie

    • Shelia

      Oh, my goodness! Justiney! I'm blushing and everything! You silly one!
      Be a sweetie,

    • Elizabeth

      This was a lot of fun to read; I want to play, too, so maybe Jill will pass it on to me.
      I love a lot of these V-things, too, vanilla scent, Vince Vaughn, of course vulgarity, the vernacular as written by Gollum, whose novels I enjoy, and finally the Venus, which I also use. I once had a leg-wax lady tell me I was the hairiest client she'd ever had. Can you top that?

    • amelia bedelia

      Good job on your V! And leave it to my sister to say something about her girly parts!

    • Alex

      Good evening, sweet Justiney! :) Love this post! Now..75,000 people show up each year to look at onions??????? And you can keep the vermits...ew,,but I'll take the hot vampire... :D Oh, and a few of the razors. heehehehehe.

      Hope you're having a good week!


    • Gollum

      I have been blog-backsliding, hiding out, working on a new book. Revising. I love this stage, because the book has been written, and it's time to dream the dream one more time.

      V is a Very hard letter, but you did it. Thank you for your kind words about Queenie. She always was a strong character (from the get-go), and over 20 years later, I think about her all the time

    • Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden


      I come over here to catch up with you and this is the first post I read.

      And this is why I love you.

      What a frickin' riot.

    • nikkicrumpet

      You completely cracked me up with this one. You are the biggest NUTBALL...and I love you! Thanks for the laughs. I'm gonna be shaking my head and giggling instead of sleeping tonight!!!

    • NurseChessie

      yaay for the vidalia onion!! oh yeah. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop freaking me out about child birth????
      love ya!

    • Bridget

      I just came to look at your book widget. I see you read the shopaholic series too. Did you know that they are making a movie about Becky Bloomwood. It looks like it is going to be cute.

    • ~♥~ Monica S

      Hehe.. I love coming here!! ;-)
      GReat post girlfriend!


    • Happy To Be

      Only you can take the letter V and do this Justine and like Picket I was waiting for that word and what you would do with it and you didn't disappoint me girl!!! you are just to Vunny for words...hugs and smiles Gloria

    • Mama

      Hello I just yagged you, but only if you want to and if you havent already been tagged :-), hows you V's heehee still laughing over this post.

    • Paris

      Love u! Thanks for stopping by. :)


    • Shelia

      Hi Justiney! Are still on that V word? lol Thanks for popping in to see me.
      Be a sweetie,
      Shelia :) P.S. - you, my darling, Justiney, are just filled with Woo Hooness!! ;)

    • ~Mary

      MY heart skipped a beat when I scrolled down to the picture of Edward! He gets my blood racing!

    • Rhea

      Love the new look!

      Vagina had me laughing. hehe