Un Bastardo, Husband!!!!!!!!

I just thought you all should know that Jimmy is on ANOTHER business trip, and this one truly pisses me off! Where is he, you ask? Well, un bastardo is in ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, the home of MY people and he gets to go for the second time since April, and again in first class no less! A week in Italy just to test out a big old machine that they need to use in the states. Looky at the map there. He's about 1/2" below Switzerland, and nearly directly below Milan, in a small city called Pavia. He tells me there's not much to do there but eat, but you know damn well that if I were there I'd be finding some major shopping to do, whether I had to hitch to Milan to do it or not!


So for five days he and his coworkers get to cavort around Pavia while they're not staring at a big dumb machine, and get to eat 3-hour meals of delicioso food that they don't have to pay for. Now let us add insult to injury, because for one night they're staying in a luxury hotel on the canal in Venice!!!!!!!!! Bastardo! Vaffanculo cazzo!!!!!!!!!!!

And what is just a wee bitty boat ride away from Venezia? None other than the island of Murano where they blow the glass in the factory where you can watch! Oh my, I'm getting all veklempt. There, now I've added some Jewish slang to my Italian. That's it! Stick a fork in me, I'm finito!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time, Justine :o )

My Sister, the Freak: Jillisms Round Two

So the other night I'm on the phone with Jill while she was driving to who knows where. Knowing her it was Wal-Mart. Never have met a person who spends more time in that store than Jill. She's one of those neurotic/moronic shoppers that will show up at midnight to buy the latest released DVD, as if the damn thing won't be there tomorrow morning for the same price.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, Jill has a way of saying things that make absolutely no sense, except for in her own mind. You could look at her in puzzlement and she'll just look back at you and say, "What? What did I do?" So there we were jabbering away about nothing, when suddenly she says, "Hey, have you ever tried driving with only one foot?" Imagine me holding the phone out and looking at it in puzzlement. "Jill, what the hell are you talking about, with one foot? Isn't that how everyone drives an automatic?" So she says something like, "Yeah, but I mean REALLY only with one foot!" "Jill, I REALLY only drive with one foot. What the hell is wrong with you?" And back and forth we went until she said, "NO! Like if you tuck your left foot up in a position it usually isn't in! I can't drive like that!" OMG bloggers, I wanted to bitch-slap her right through the phone. I don't care if you want to throw your left foot out the window, you should still be able to drive with your right foot, no?

These are the kind of conversations Jill is famous for. It's like you know she's intelligent, but she goes off into this other stratosphere of the incredibly dumb for a while and it's not easy bringing her back. She'll argue her "point" as if there really is a point to begin with.

In a past post I told you that if she scratches her scalp in just the right spot she sneezes. Well, last night she was IMing with me and said, "Justine! There's something I HAVE to tell you about myself. Something I never realized before." I told her to tell me tomorrow, that I needed to go to bed. "NO! I have to tell you NOW. It's important!" So I brace myself for some profound confession or some earth-shattering self enlightenment. But what does my freaky deeky of a sister say? "Justine, I just realized something I've been doing for years and years and never knew I was doing it." "Okay, like... what?", I'm thinking. Jill goes on, "Every time I sit down to pee, I have to blow my nose!"
Another one of those puzzled looks from me, but this time at the monitor screen. I said, "Goodnight Jill." She said, "No wait! It's true! I can't pee without blowing my nose, and even now that I'm thinking of peeing, my nose is starting to run!
I have to look this up online and see if there's a connection!"

Oh... my... gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you even fathom having this conversation with your 32 year old sister? Does she really think she's going to find a correlation between having to pee and a runny nose? How would one Google that anyway? I hastily told her she was a freak of nature and "hung up" the IM. She obviously didn't take kindly to this, as I woke up this morning with an email from her with one word. "BITCH". ROFLMAO! I haven't yet spoken to her today but I am mighty curious to see if she actually did try to research this phenomena.

Until next time, Justine :o )

Friday Musings

Last night I just could not sleep. I was waking up every hour, either to pee, or to change position or whatever. It was annoying, but it did give me time to contemplate this whole blog world we're all so involved in. And while thinking about it, I realized that some of you that visit my blog, are people who in any other circumstance wouldn't look twice at me. What do I mean by this? Just that our lives are so completely different, and I wonder what it is that keeps drawing you back to see me and to read what I have to say. Let's take for example:

Penny. She loves to shop for antiques and decorate. I do neither.

French. She's totally into decorating and traveling. I do neither.

Artie. Once again, decorating and gardening. I do neither.

Shelia. Oh, this woman loves her pretties! And I have none.

Nikki. Ooh, this girl loves anything vintage and even dresses the part! I, well, don't.

Tootsie. The Queen of the Garden. I have a black thumb.

Kathy the Artist. Paints like an angel and tells wonderful stories. I can't draw a stick figure and my stories are REAL. LOL

Brit Kathy. Lots of traveling for her! None for me.

Gail. You wanna talk about opposite sides of the coin! But I love her and I learn from her every day.

Elizabeth. Has a collection of EVERYTHING. I save nothing.

Cindy. Ah, what to say about Cindy? Her love of Kiefer Sutherland. No comment! LOL

Mrs. Ben. She doesn't have a blog but I wish she did. I can't figure out if she loves me or hates me. I love her!

See what I mean? Nothing in common thereabouts. But, something draws each of us to each other's blogs anyway. I may not be into gardening, or vintage clothing or artwork, but I absolutely love reading about how if affects each of your lives. Each of my blog friends lends something special to my day. It could be Donna's accident-prone son, Andre, or Raquel's funky looking Caribbean food, or JuJuBoo's funny pictures of her girls. A family story from Kady about sitting around the fire, or how she misses her son; an inspiring love-fest post from Dot (squealing like a sissy girl here!), or a hilarious account of Buffie's latest blunders. A simple sarcastic remark from Schmeckygirl can sometimes send me into the giggle fits, and Bridget and her love of her daughter Katie is heartwarming and sweet. Lately French has been surprising all of us with non-decor-related posts and they've all been wonderfully funny! I love her wit and her potty mouth. Also think her husband is one HOT-looking guy. Yummy! Morninglight Mama shares her funny "mommy" stories and her musings on life.

I seem to be rambling on about nothing, don't I? But I guess that's the benefit of having your own blog. The stage is yours. You can say whatever you want and if it bombs, so be it. If the shit hits the fan, so be it. I guess what I've really been wondering is why you all come to visit me. I know why I call on you. You guys make me laugh, cry and shake my head in wonder. I seem to have developed a blog about nothing. And look, I just added to that nothing now! LOL!

So as I sit here and ponder away, let me also take the opportunity to tell all of you how much you've come to mean to me. I'm a stay at home mom with no hobbies aside from reading, so having this little blogging community has been wonderful for me; a great daily escape. I feel like I'm getting to know each of you through every post and it's been a blast so far. I can't wait to see what the coming months will bring!

Until next time, Justine :o )