Aimless Thoughts

• Is it wrong to warn an oncoming car that there’s a cop hiding behind the trees, picking off speeders?  I mean, I don’t necessarily want to advocate speeding, but who do you know that can drive just 35 mph for an entire 3 miles?

This could be the actual bitch that gave me a $186.00 ticket on that particular road.  Thanks, officer dike.  What?  Not the chubby chaser type?  Batting my long, luxurious eyelashes sure didn’t help.

 

• Why does my toilet seat keep coming loose?  I don’t remember this happening during my childhood years.  Did we have magic toilet seats back then?

Ooh, speaking of magic potties, look what I just found!  Jill would LOVE to have one of these.  She likes anything that lights up.  And I truly mean anything.  

Anyway, one of these days I’m going to shift the wrong way and go flying across the room.

 

• How bad is it that I’m 38 years old and just recently found out that stainless steel isn’t magnetic?  And I only found this out when I went to put a magnet on my new refrigerator and it kept falling off?  I thought the magnet was defective until I tried the non-stainless side of the fridge.

I think I’ll just stick to my magnetic personality and stop worrying about being dumb as a post ignorant in some areas.

I did do some quick research , which informed me that some stainless is magnetic, but apparently my fridge is of the “austenitic” variety which has higher amounts of chromium and added nickel, making it un-magnetic.  Bet you didn’t know that!  And you can bet your ass I won’t know it two minutes from now.

  

• Dick.  Why would anyone name their child Dick?  I understand it’s a nickname for Richard, but why???  Was there some point in time when being referred to as “dick” wasn’t derogatory, therefore making for a cute nickname?

And if that wasn’t bad enough, the Brits go ahead and name a freaking dessert Spotted Dick.  Am I the only person who finds this inherently wrong? 

This could be the only time you’ll get the chance to say, “Hey honey, go put your dick in the microwave for two minutes, would ya?”

I  even found this on Wikipedia:

‘There are many nicknames for Spotted Dick including "Spotted Richard", "Dick in a box", "Dotted Lloyd", "Dick with a dot" and "Dickie Burton" as well as many others.’

I don’t care how refined and upper-crust those Brits think they are.  Honestly?  I think they’re fucked in the head.

 

 

 

 

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!