This Mother's Day, I Celebrate You, My Children.

How to put in words the changes the two of you have brought to my life?

Once, long ago, I thought my heart could not expand enough to give you all the love you both deserved.

I was wrong.  It did expand.  First for you, Mikayla, my Sweet Pea.  It wasn't immediate as I always thought it would be, as I thought it should be.  Was it fear of the unknown and a sense of being overwhelmed that kept my heart from recognizing my love for you?

Then one day I awoke and put you to my breast like so many times before. 

And there it was.

My heart calling out to yours, filling so completely I knew I would never be the same.

How could I love you this much, yet have room in my heart for Madison?  My sweet Princess?

This time the fear of motherhood was less and I knew I would feel that overwhelming love at first sight.

I could not have known that the first time I saw you, you wouldn't be pink and healthy.

I could not have anticipated what I would feel when I heard the words, "Blue, seizures, NICU".

I could never have imagined the pain of them taking you away from me before I was even able to feel you against my skin.

At that moment, it felt like a part of me had died, my heart feeling as if it had collapsed in on itself.

But your persevered.  You overcame whatever it was that caused you such stress during your birth.

My love for you, Madison, and for you, Mikayla, has only grown stronger each and every day since you entered this world.

I never did need to worry about having enough love in my heart for the two of you.  

 

You both are my heart.

All My Love,

Mommy