Various Halloween Crap and Some Whining

Due to the extremely underwhelming response to my "answers" post I've decided to put any other answers on hold for a while. Yes, I'm whining and bitching and acting like a baby, but hey, it's my blog and I can throw a self-pity party if I want to!

I hate it when the amount of comments drop so drastically, seemingly out of the blue.

But in spite of that I still have to share a few Halloween pictures with ya. There aren't many, and the ones Jill promised to email me still haven't shown up in my inbox. She's mean like that.

It pisses me the hell off that I can't show you pictures of Alexa and Gianna, but for the time being Jill and I are keeping them off the internet. Ya know, because there's a psychotic-habitual liar-scam artist-thief-wife abuser-asshole on the loose. Not naming names. Just sayin'.

I'm also pissed that because of said asshole I had to edit my pictures to just show my kids. Ugh.

It's no secret that Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays. Honestly, I find it ridiculous to spend gobs of money on tacky costumes that the kids will wear for a total of 3 hours, to then be thrown to the back of the closet. And all for candy.

Okay, maybe it is worth it for chocolate. But ya know, I can't eat it, so no, it's not worth it!

But, I did take the holiday and make it an excuse to do funky makeup and hair. If only it truly showed up in the following pictures, because believe me, it was a bit more dramatic than it appears here.



Yeah baby! When Larry saw me later he said, "Ooh girl, you worked the texture!"


And of course I had to give you a goofy, eye-glittery smile!



I sometimes find it amazing that I purposely make myself look uglier than normal and then have the audacity to post the pictures for all to see.

A bit later in the day I changed my shirt and added a spider clip to my hair that Jill brought along with her. Don't laugh, I was trying to look vampish. I just wasn't pulling it off very well. As I took these pictures my mother was sitting by, snickering at the absurdity.


Looks like the same picture, but it's not. If you click on the picture you'll be able to see the spider fairly well. Of course, then you'll also see my nasty skin too. It's up to you if you want to take the chance.




Before we take a look at the kids, how about a couple pictures of my mother?

Yes, Virginia, there really is a straight jacket waiting for you...





Let's get a bit closer so you can see a perfect representation of geriatric insanity.






The ugly shirt wasn't enough. The ugly necklace and earrings weren't enough. The clashing lipstick wasn't enough. Oh no, she had to add a pumpkin headband and an orange Zoro mask? No wonder my father was walking 20 feet behind her. You don't see him in this picture because he's still standing near the front door!

I told you that wackiness comes naturally to me! Look at the example I had growing up!

But aw, look at my Madison, crouched down in her kitty pose.

Had to do a bit of creative editing here.

And here

And yeah, I'm a terrible mom because I didn't get any shots of Mikayla dressed as a bumble bee. But that's actually okay, being that she didn't wear tights (too hot!), the costume was way too short and she was wearing high heeled Mary Janes. I never knew a bumble bee could look like a ho until Mikayla got dressed up.

Only kidding! Only kidding! My first born could never look like a ho! But she did.

I do have one picture of her, after Trick or Treat, holding her loot. Look at the size of that tin and look at how filled it is! Holy crap!

Just ignore the man beside the ladder. And ignore the ladder that the man was supposed to put away but didn't.



All in all it was a nice day, and great to be surrounded by my family. The neighborhood was literally crawling with ghosts and goblins and dogs dressed up...



Oh wait! Strudel! She was also a bee, but not a ho bee. She wouldn't keep her antennae on though. Could you blame her?



And as if she wasn't feeling violated enough, she had to wear her snout collar while out Trick or Treating.




Another thank you to Ethel for letting Strudel borrow the costume. And another apology to Missie because Strudel ate it.

Before I go, let me ask all of you a question. If I were to do a vlog post, what would you like me to talk about? Or, should I not do a vlog post at all? After all, I could never live up to the standards of YaYa.




Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

My Answers, Part One

Ooh bloggers, it was so fun reading your various questions! I'll probably split my answers up into a couple of posts, 'cause you know how I tend to go on and on.

Several people asked this same questions, so I'm lumping them all together.

Jill (Kiki): I want to know why you don't write a book.

Cole: You have a lot to say. Have you considered writing a book?

MJ: .i also think you should write a book....you are hilarious...or a radio show.

BJ: Have you EVER thought of writing a book?

Since I started my blog in May of 2008, I've been asked this question more times than I can count. And I'm still puzzled by it too. What is it about what I write here that makes people think I'm qualified or good enough to write a book???

And seriously, what would I write about? I'm solely read fiction but I don't have the creativity or the imagination to write a novel. Just the thought of how much research goes into just writing a trashy romance gives me the shivers.

Believe me, I would love love love to write a book. It's just not in me, unfortunately. I think I have to settle for writing the fluff that I do, here on my blog, about day to day crap that goes on around me.

Next, we have a question from my good friend, Alicia. She pronounces it "Alisha" because she's weird. Ain't it supposed to be "Aleesha"? I'll just stick to calling her Yaya.

YaYa: What's the best thing about having a sister?

I don't know what the very best thing is about having a sister, but having Jill as a sister? She's just an amazing woman. I don't think I could come up with what is best about having her as a sister because it's all good, it's all the best.

She is my best friend, my confidante, my shoulder to cry on, my ear to whine into (constantly, believe me), my cheerleader when I'm down (although I don't let her wear those short skirts), the voice of reason when I've gone a bit mental, (again, something that happens quite often), my hero when I need any kind of saving, a person to look up to as a mother, even though she's 6 years younger, the one person who can easily make me wet my pants without even trying (she's stupid, remember?)... how was that for a run-on sentence? And oh! She's a kick-ass cook too.

Someone (oops, forget who!) just sent me this a few days ago, via email. It states how I feel about my sister much better than I could ever convey.

About Sisters... "She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink..." ~Barbara Alpert

Cole had a few more questions:

1. You're from NY. How did you and Jimmy pick FL?
2. Who picked the girls' names? You or the hubby?
3. If you had to pack up and move tomorrow - where would you like to move to?

In 1990 the various Ferraras starting moving down to Florida. My brother first, followed by my parents with Jill and I. I was engaged at this time and only spent a short time in FL with the family. Then I temporarily moved back to NY to plan my wedding.

In 1995 Jimmy finally landed a job that was somewhat in his field of study and we moved to NC. We were there for about 2 years before he got another job offer, this time in the tiny town of Smithfield, VA. I so wanted to be in FL with my family but it obviously wasn't meant to be. Or was it? Jimmy's second day on the new job in VA, us living in the Smithfield Inn (interesting history there. Built way back in 1752!) temporarily, and his boss asked him if he'd be at all interested in taking over their Plant City, FL plant. What????? OMG, I cannot even tell you the excitement I felt at this point. I was pregnant with Mikayla then and this offer was like a gift from God. I would be having my baby and be living in the same state as my family!!!

Naming the girls, I must say, was a total bitch. Jimmy and I could not agree on any name for Mikayla. One day, we had my brother and his wife, Pat, over for the day. My brother, Jeff, made us crack out the baby name book. He got to the M's and said, "I like this one. Michaela." Jimmy and I looked at each other and it was like a light bulb turned on. We immediately knew that was her name. So, Jeff is really the one who named her, but we chose the spelling. Her middle name is Rose, after my paternal grandmother. Alexa, Jill's oldest, also has the same middle name.

Pregnant with Madison I really wanted an unusual name. I was tossing around names like Sonoma, Willow and the like. Jimmy refused all of my funky names and I finally gave up and gave in to Madison Grace. Would you believe I'm still in a funk over giving her such a common name?

Hmmm... where would I like to move if I could pack up tomorrow? That's a really hard one because there are so many places I've never even visited but would love to spend a year or two living. Mostly snowy places. Maine, Colorado, Utah, Vermont, Washington, San Francisco. I think if I had a chance to move anywhere in the US I'd have to throw a dart at a map. I couldn't choose!

Pam, from MJ's House of Slobber asked:

but hmmm i wonder if you ahve ever been to canada...and what is your favorite middle of the night nobody is watching snack...and what embarasses you

Nope Pam, I've never been to Canada, although I would love to some day. I've got quite a few blogger friends that are Kanucks and would love to meet them!

My favorite snack to eat in bed (which drives Jimmy insane) is Wise white cheddar popcorn. My favorite part is the little bits on the bottom that you have to pour into your mouth. Mmm... pure salt!

Ooh girl, it takes a hell of a lot to embarrass me. But ya know those times when you say something without thinking first and it's just the wrong thing to say? When it's so bad you can actually feel all the blood draining from your face? And wish like hell you could either go back 5 seconds or just kill yourself on the spot? Yeah, that kind of shit embarrasses me and thank goodness the last memorable time I can recall was about 10 years ago.

What happened? A whole bunch of us were hanging out and one of the couples present had just gone through a horrible time with infidelity. It was when one of them made a sexual joke and I said, "Ooh, are you getting more lately?". That was the worst faux pas I'd ever made. Open mouth, insert entire leg. I did not mean more sex with someone other than the spouse, but that's exactly how everyone took it, if their frozen, glassy-eyed stares were anything to go by. I wanted to melt right into the floor.

Well kids, I think that's it for this installment of burning questions answered. There are still quite a few more I need to get to, but I'll save it for another time so as not to put you all to sleep.


Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Don't You Wish You Could Probe My Canal?

I'm often told by others that I'm a bit of a whack job. A bit odd. A bit quirky-dirky. So it shouldn't come as any surprise that I tend to attract insane people to me like a magnet.

Recently, I mentioned my friend Ethel, who lives across the street. Remember? She was having major surgery a couple months ago?

Well, the week prior to her surgery her and I were standing out on her driveway, flapping our gums as we're wont to do.

It was an hour or so later that Ethel IM'd me on Facebook. It went something like this:

Ethel: "Check your right ear. I thought I saw some dirt or something in the curve."

Me: "Huh? I just cleaned my ears this morning." *Sticks finger in ear and all around curves*

Me: "I don't feel anything there, Ethel. Where exactly?"

Ethel: "In the curve under the first curve."

Me: *crickets*

Ethel: "Do you want me to come over there and look for you?"

Me: "No! I do not want you looking in my ear!" (Madison, get me a q-tip!)

Ethel: "Really, I'll just come over and take a look. I've got all kinds of ear cleaning implements I could bring."

Me: *crickets* "Erm... okay?"

Now keep in mind that Ethel is an R.N. and she thrives on any kind of gore or nasty medical stuff. Her hubby, Fred, is a surgical assistant and enjoys the same.

Within minutes Ethel was standing in my kitchen with a handful of scary looking stuff, including some very potent 91% rubbing alcohol. Oh, and her 14-year-old son came along too. Armed with his camera. I should probably mention that he wants to become a doctor so is also into the disgusting medical stuff. Ugh.

So I turned my ear over to Ethel and her torture devices (gives new meaning to the saying, "lend me your ear.") while both her son and Mikayla videoed and took still shots of the humiliating procedure. And really, you know that anything humiliating, even to myself, has to be shared with all of you. Even though I hadn't done my hair that day, or put on a speck of makeup. Even though I was wearing a mens' tank top and did in fact look like a man. I'm still sharing, 'cause I'm wacky like that.

Ethel immediately spotted what she thought she'd seen earlier in my driveway... errrr... my ear, but then got totally distracted by minuscule little blackheads. They'd been there for years and Jill had mentioned them over and over again, but what was I supposed to do with them? You can't easily squeeze the inside of your damn ear! Little did I know that there's this neat little device made especially for popping those hard to reach pimples. Pooba, you may want to think about purchasing one of these for the next time you get an elbow pimple.




So Ethel went to town on me and I have to say, she was enjoying herself just a wee bit too much.

Obviously, I, was not.




Yeah, she got my left ear too. I was so sad to be experiencing all of this without Jill present that I decided to call her during the "procedure".


Do I look thrilled, or what?

Anyway, that thing Ethel thought she saw in my ear turns out to be some kind of cyst. Her and Fred say it looks like a sebaceous cyst so I'll have it checked out by my doctor the next time I see her.

Oh yeah, Fred was called to come over and look at it too! Oh, the joy!

Ethel, pointing out to Fred the bump in my ear canal. By this point my spirit was broken, I was now nothing more than a medical phenomena to be poked and prodded.

I must just endure...




Hey, at least my eyebrows looked good, right?




I'll warn you now, this next picture is of the "bump" as I'm calling it. Not the clearest picture but you can definitely see why Ethel noticed it, even if it is halfway down my friggin' ear canal.





But here's the fun part, peeps! I told you Mikayla was taking video with my camera, and I'm willing to share it with you, even though I look like a man. This should especially be appreciated by Ginger because she recently asked me if I have an accent. Growing up on Long Island, of course I do, but it's much milder than you'd hear from recent NY transplants.

Keep in mind that Mikayla's video skills suck and Strudel did not stop barking the entire time. So here you go... my final humiliation.




If this doesn't prove my love for you, nothing will.



Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!