Various Halloween Crap and Some Whining

Due to the extremely underwhelming response to my "answers" post I've decided to put any other answers on hold for a while. Yes, I'm whining and bitching and acting like a baby, but hey, it's my blog and I can throw a self-pity party if I want to!

I hate it when the amount of comments drop so drastically, seemingly out of the blue.

But in spite of that I still have to share a few Halloween pictures with ya. There aren't many, and the ones Jill promised to email me still haven't shown up in my inbox. She's mean like that.

It pisses me the hell off that I can't show you pictures of Alexa and Gianna, but for the time being Jill and I are keeping them off the internet. Ya know, because there's a psychotic-habitual liar-scam artist-thief-wife abuser-asshole on the loose. Not naming names. Just sayin'.

I'm also pissed that because of said asshole I had to edit my pictures to just show my kids. Ugh.

It's no secret that Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays. Honestly, I find it ridiculous to spend gobs of money on tacky costumes that the kids will wear for a total of 3 hours, to then be thrown to the back of the closet. And all for candy.

Okay, maybe it is worth it for chocolate. But ya know, I can't eat it, so no, it's not worth it!

But, I did take the holiday and make it an excuse to do funky makeup and hair. If only it truly showed up in the following pictures, because believe me, it was a bit more dramatic than it appears here.



Yeah baby! When Larry saw me later he said, "Ooh girl, you worked the texture!"


And of course I had to give you a goofy, eye-glittery smile!



I sometimes find it amazing that I purposely make myself look uglier than normal and then have the audacity to post the pictures for all to see.

A bit later in the day I changed my shirt and added a spider clip to my hair that Jill brought along with her. Don't laugh, I was trying to look vampish. I just wasn't pulling it off very well. As I took these pictures my mother was sitting by, snickering at the absurdity.


Looks like the same picture, but it's not. If you click on the picture you'll be able to see the spider fairly well. Of course, then you'll also see my nasty skin too. It's up to you if you want to take the chance.




Before we take a look at the kids, how about a couple pictures of my mother?

Yes, Virginia, there really is a straight jacket waiting for you...





Let's get a bit closer so you can see a perfect representation of geriatric insanity.






The ugly shirt wasn't enough. The ugly necklace and earrings weren't enough. The clashing lipstick wasn't enough. Oh no, she had to add a pumpkin headband and an orange Zoro mask? No wonder my father was walking 20 feet behind her. You don't see him in this picture because he's still standing near the front door!

I told you that wackiness comes naturally to me! Look at the example I had growing up!

But aw, look at my Madison, crouched down in her kitty pose.

Had to do a bit of creative editing here.

And here

And yeah, I'm a terrible mom because I didn't get any shots of Mikayla dressed as a bumble bee. But that's actually okay, being that she didn't wear tights (too hot!), the costume was way too short and she was wearing high heeled Mary Janes. I never knew a bumble bee could look like a ho until Mikayla got dressed up.

Only kidding! Only kidding! My first born could never look like a ho! But she did.

I do have one picture of her, after Trick or Treat, holding her loot. Look at the size of that tin and look at how filled it is! Holy crap!

Just ignore the man beside the ladder. And ignore the ladder that the man was supposed to put away but didn't.



All in all it was a nice day, and great to be surrounded by my family. The neighborhood was literally crawling with ghosts and goblins and dogs dressed up...



Oh wait! Strudel! She was also a bee, but not a ho bee. She wouldn't keep her antennae on though. Could you blame her?



And as if she wasn't feeling violated enough, she had to wear her snout collar while out Trick or Treating.




Another thank you to Ethel for letting Strudel borrow the costume. And another apology to Missie because Strudel ate it.

Before I go, let me ask all of you a question. If I were to do a vlog post, what would you like me to talk about? Or, should I not do a vlog post at all? After all, I could never live up to the standards of YaYa.




Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Eat, Drink, and Be Scary. Kind Of.

Okay it's true. I'm a total loser mom when it comes to Halloween. It's just not one of my favorite "holidays". True, it's fun to watch the kids have a blast, but all this race to get the perfect costume that will only be worn for a few hours then tossed aside... well, it just goes against the grain for me.

I've been by so many blogs lately that are showing off their Halloween kitchen confections and I'm just blown away by their creativity. And let's face it. I'm blown away by the fact that they want to do this stuff.

Of course, sometimes the best laid plans don't work out the way you've intended.

Francesca, over at Mayhem and Moxie set out to make these adorable spider cupcakes with her two adorable toddlers.




She even took the time to video her children decorating their cupcakes. The funny part was that while she was helping one kid, the other kid was eating all the decorations off her cupcake.

They turned out looking like this.




Mama Kat decided she'd get creative with cookie dough and make cookies in the shape of pumpkins, then layer with ice cream for a Halloweeny treat.

Her cookies came out of the oven looking something like this.



Okay, I'll admit, they weren't quite that bad and in the end the kids loved them so they're nothing to get your broom in a twist about.


Lolli, over at Better in Bulk got creative with a bundt cake and made it into a pumpkin.



Nice, right?

Yeah, that's not Lolli's cake. I don't have a picture of her cake because it was on video. It was super cute, but a little on the wet side. Kind of drippy and oozy.

Now Angie from Seven Clown Circus did something that's a bit more my speed. Mummy hot dogs. Uh huh, she took the time to wrap refrigerated dough around hot dogs and somehow made her kids think she was totally cool in the process.



So, I was supposed to be blogging about what I've done in the kitchen to make Halloween a spooktacular time in my house. I can't though because I haven't done a damn thing. When my parents and Jill and the girls come here tomorrow for the festivities? This is as good as it will get.


Hey, we're all about tradition here. Don't judge!



Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

The Hobo and the Flapper

Today I'm participating in Angie's Flip camera giveaway, and she's asked us to post about Halloweens of our past.

I wish I had pictures to share because these were the best costumes ever, but all the pictures are at my parents' house, dammit.

When I was little my Mom always made my Halloween costumes and let me tell you, she had a definite knack for it. One of my favorites was a hobo costume that she made by sewing together a very old men's shirt and men's pants that she then cut to size, ripped, stained and patched. I held the requisite handkerchief on a stick, but the very best part of this costume? It was how Mom made my face look dirty by burning the end of a wine cork and smearing it all over my face. For me, that was just too fun!

My other favorite costume made by Mom was a flapper dress. I can't remember any of the details of it, just that it was red and shiny and she somehow gussied me up enough that I really did resemble a miniature flapper. I believe she even crafted one of those funky headbands they wore back in the 20s.

I think the next time I visit my parents I'm going to borrow some of their photo albums so I can start scanning and sharing. Won't that be fun?

What was your favorite Halloween costume?


Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!