Sunday Scramble

Not quite sure if this will be a brand new meme hosted by Me-Me, or if it's just a one-shot deal.  Knowing me, this is all we'll get out of it.  But, because I've got so many varied and sundry things to chat about I needed a title to reflect that.

So, let's begin.

Keep Your Hands Inside The Vehicle At All Times

A few days ago, my mom was carrying her makeup mirror down the patio steps on her way to have a cigarette (the things she was supposed to quit smoking after the stroke, but didn't) and she tripped.  She landed on the cement, hit her head on her car, the mirror broke and sliced through her palm from the base of the fingers, all the way to the wrist.  Mom is on a blood thinner so this was not a good thing.  A trip to the ER and 11 Frankenstein stitches later her hand is basically useless for now, unable to even feel two of the fingers.  She didn't just cut the thing, she nearly cut her hand in half.  The mirror went right through to the bone.  Ugh, so disgusting.

When talking to my dad the next day he said, "I think her hitting her head on the car did her some good.  She's making more sense today!"  Heeheehee.

Two days later Jill lost her balance, knocked the shield off a fan, her hand went into the moving blades and she nearly lopped off the tip of her thumb, while simultaneously bending it back way beyond where it should have been.

Human?  Or Other?

Sometimes, after spending time with certain people in my family Jill and Dad I seriously wonder if I'm truly from the same gene pool.  I've questioned whether they're maybe a different species, but no, although the two of them are slightly furry, they do walk on two feet and last I checked they don't feel inclined to throw their poo at people.

So maybe they're a hybrid of human.  A Humid?  No, that doesn't work.  A Hyman?  For goodness sakes, if we change one letter there that'd be thoroughly disgusting.  I suppose I'll just stick with stupid.

(Btw... it has been brought to my attention that some of you are slightly offended by my calling Jill stupid.  If that is the case, you obviously don't know the two of us well enough, as it was Jill who helped me re-name my blog and wholeheartedly loves it when I refer to her as stupid.  Okay, slight exaggeration, but she doesn't mind because she knows that I know that she's smart and I know that she knows that I love her and respect her and it's all just in good stupid fun.)

Jill, The Hybrid Human

We're on the phone the other day, in the middle of a conversation, when out of the blue Jill says, "I just plucked a goose feather out of my ass a little while ago."

Me:  *crickets*  Long pause.... "WHAT?????"

Get this.  She tells me she had been having a dream that a doctor was giving her a shot in the butt and when she woke up her butt was still hurting in that spot.  She turned over and felt a quick jab.  Reached around and plucked a goose feather out of her ass that was stuck in there like a dart.  I shit you not.  I couldn't make this stuff up!

Good Dog, Bad Dog

Lately, I've been trying to remember all the good things about Strudel so that when she eats something else non-edible, like my flesh, I have something positive to fall back on.

Bad:  She's really furry and leaves evidence of it everywhere she goes.  Jimmy got out the furminator the other night and got this after only 10 minutes.

 

Jimmy has been warned never to do this again in the family room.  When I woke up the next day it looked like my couch had 1/2 a golden retriever stuck to it.  I had to vacuum the couch, then vacuum the damn vacuum.

Good:  All that fur keeps my feet warm when she lays on me.

Bad:  Eats everything that's not tied down, including glass Christmas balls, remotes, computer chargers, cell phones, bottle tops, cups, paper, paper towel, pens, pencils, paper plates, magazines (she loves People), books, cat poop and many many other things.

Good:  We left her in the kitchen for four hours a couple of weeks ago, not realizing we had an open and full garbage bag on the floor.  She did not touch it.

She has never destroyed anything that's actually part of the house.  Never ripped up rugs, or chewed cabinets or woodwork.

She doesn't beg at the dinner table, although the second even one person stands up, she thinks any leftovers are fair game.

Even if her bowl is filled with little pieces of steak, if I tell her, "Wait." she will not touch it until I say, "Good girl!"

Bad:  She bites us.  A lot.  Not exactly playful, not exactly aggressive.  More a dominance bite.

Good:  She plays great with other dogs. Check her out with this (Pit Bull?) handsome pup!



 
Bad:  She loves to lick Mommy.  Okay, that's not really bad, except for when she's done the following.

Good:  She licks all the crumbs and such off the floor, making vacuuming much easier for me.

Good:  She has finally found her golden retriever-ness and is not afraid of water anymore!  Woot woot!  Look at her go!




Bad:  This is what she looks like after playing and swimming at the dog park.

Exhausted

And FILTHY

Favorite Blog Snippet Of The Week:

Comes to you from Gloria, over at Happy To Be.  (While explaining the workings of a Victorian music box/Christmas tree stand)

"The top and that post you see is where you would put your tree on and it would spin around as you played the music box....Very clever for so many years ago....
WARNING Do not try putting light on your tree...I did this the first year I got this sat it on my dining room table for a dinner party I was having plugged the lights in and turned the box on...well the whole tree got tangled up and fell on to my table of food...ha ha!! so much for trying to set a pretty and unique table for my guest to enjoy...I had a tree full of mashed potatoes...tried to tell my guest it was snow ha ha!!"

Ah, gotta love that gal!
Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!