If It's the Last Thing I Do, I'll Make a Farmer Out of YOU!

And a fast one at that!

Now I'm not saying I'm Miss Fantastic Farmer although really, I am but I've been around the back 40 a time or two now and I've picked up some tips here and there. Tips I've given quite a few of you (and you know who you are), and have mostly been ignored. For shame! But because I'm the Fastest Frickin' Farmer you know, I'm going to do it all again. That's right, Tiney's Farm Town Tutorial is here for the blogosphere.

Man I love rhyming!

Now pay attention people! I've got fields to plow and crops to plant and I'm not going to do this again! Okay, here we go.

Earning Coins and Experience Points:

Before you can really do much with that huge piece of land you now own, you have to make some coins so you can plow (cost of 20 coins per plot) and then plant your seeds (cost varies by seed). First step? The Marketplace! Click on your Map, then click on Marketplace.

Here you will be greeted by the ever present Tom, and can ask for jobs harvesting other people's farms. But beware! Other farmers hate beggars. So choose your words wisely and try to be witty and fun, not desperate!

How to Harvest/Plow/Plant Effectively:

I know what you're thinking. All I have to do is click on the crop and BAM, it's harvested! Well sure, but if you skip around from here to there it's going to take you forever. Your little avatar is going to be walking her work boots right off her feet and you're going to get a lot of that, "Wait... I'm Busy" crap.

Here I have an example for you. Our very own Nikki Crumpet was called to my farm to harvest my raspberries. Now keep in mind, she knows the drill on harvesting. Hide the trees ('cause when you harvest my trees I no longer like you) and harvest each field from the top right corner going down or from the top right corner going to the left. Never go bottom to top, or left to right. Why? Because I said so! No really, it's just the way the graphics program is set up.

Click to see full-size and much clearer!

As you can see from the image above, Miss Crumpet decided to start harvesting at the center of the field. That would have been okay if she picked one row and went straight down, or picked that top row and went straight left. But did she? Oh no, she went willy-nilly all over the damn place while I sat here biting my nails, waiting to plow behind her. Sure, the picture shows a straight row to the left. It was after I took the screen shot that she started harvesting all over the damn place. Really!

And do not harvest your own crops! You can, but you'll only be getting a fraction of the coins that you'd get if you hired someone else to do it. Either hire a neighbor, or go to the Marketplace and hire someone you like.

Trees:

Don't touch em! 'Nuff said!

No really, don't ever harvest a person's trees unless they've explicitly asked you to, or you've asked them beforehand and got the go-ahead. People like their trees 'cause they look pretty. The fruit on them never dies whereas the rest of your crops do.

To make life easier for everyone involved (mainly me) HIDE your trees. How? Just click on the wrench icon on the top right of your screen and unclick "show trees". Simple as that and people won't turn your scythe around and stab you with it.

Experience Points:

This is how you get from level to level on Farm Town. You get 1 experience point for every plot your plow, 2 experience points for every plot you plant and, depending on what you buy from the store, and how much it costs, you get experience points for spending coins. Another great way to get points is by visiting/tending your neighbors farms each day, sometimes several times a day if you can. Each time you do, you'll get 15 coins and 6 experience points.

Want to know how many points you need to reach that next level? Read here.

Want to know exactly when your crops will be ready for harvest? Use this handy dandy calculator!

Plan Your Crops!!!:

You're going to get more bang for your buck if you plant raspberries, which is a 2 hour crop, or grapes, which is a 4 hour crop. But be aware that Farm Town crops wither and die within the same amount of time it takes them to grow. So planting 2- and 4- hour crops at night is not the best idea, because you'll wake up the next morning and they'll all be dead. Our beloved Picket was so excited to plant grapes on her first Farm Town day that she planted them at nearly midnight. What did that little doodlehead do then? She set her alarm clock for 3:00 a.m., and got up to harvest! Oh my word, when I heard about that I let out one of her sissy-girl squeals!

Anyway, the reason these fast-growing crops are great is because the more often you're able to harvest, the more often you can plow and plant and gain those experience points. If, on the other hand, you could give a crap about advancing to the next level, and would instead like to spend time with your family and taking care of your home, plant 3- or 4- day crops and resume your normal life until harvesting time.

This is one of those "do as I say and not as I do" things, because honestly? I can't stay away from my farm for more than a few hours without getting the jitters. Just ask my neglected children. I kid! I kid!

I think this just about does it for now. It seems I've single-handedly created a monster in the world of blogging, because so many of you have now joined me in the farming community. One by one we're plowing our way through blogland, converting fairly normal people into overall-wearing, scythe-toting addicts! Power to the farmers!



Now don't forget that Stella is visiting with Jill this week. Make sure you check her blog often to see what Stella has been up to!


Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Is There a 12-Step Program for This?

Farm Town on Facebook.

It has to be one of the silliest "games" I've ever encountered. But me? I'm addicted. BAD. Last night I couldn't sleep, wondering how my grape fields were doing.

When I booted up my computer (okay, Madison's) this morning, the first thing I did was check on my crops. My grapes had withered away and died during the night. Gasp. Sigh.

Here's a shot of what the average farm looks like.

Mine actually looks better than that, and I've only been at this a few days.  Just sayin'.

And when your crops are ready to be harvested, it's best to hire out some farm hands to do the work. You make more money this way. So, everyone gathers at the Marketplace to beg for work. Gotta make more money so you can plant more crops, buy more animals, set up fences, paths and, my personal holy grail... a BARN. Which I don't have yet dammit.



It all looks and sounds quite silly, right? Well, that's 'cause it is! But let me tell you, a bunch of my neighbors here are doing it, and now they've got me doing it, and now I've got others doing it, and it's just... well... a sickness!

All I can think about is getting to the next level so I can buy more profitable seeds (I need coffee and pumpkin seeds to feel complete!), make tons of coin and expand my farm. I want a barn and a silo and a horse, and a llama and...

And...

Oh my GAWD, I really have lost it, haven't I?

Is there a 12-step program for this?

Hello, my name is Justine and I'm a Farm Town addict.

Okay, deep breath.

Step 1) Step away from the computer.
Oh sorry, can't do that, 'cause I'm typing right now.

Step 2) Keep away from Facebook entirely.
But what will my neighbors think? I have to at least update them a few times a day so they'll know I'm alive in here, right?

Step 3) Sell your farm to your nearest neighbor.
Are you crazy? I can't do it. I won't do it!

Step 4)
Ya know what? There is no step 4, 'cause I'm the one making this shit up and I refuse to be helped. No, I want to go down and be mired in the muck. I want to get my cyber self dirty and sweaty while workin' the farm. I can't give it up and you all can't make me! Am I hurting anyone? No! Is having a farm altering my moods or pseudo sanity? No! (Okay, that remains to be seen).

So that's it. I am here to declare that I am Farmer Justine and I am a functioning Facebook Farm Town farmer!

Oops, must go. I think my wheat crops are ready for harvesting!





Pssst! If you love me, you might love my sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!