My Sister, the Freak: Jillisms Round Two

So the other night I'm on the phone with Jill while she was driving to who knows where. Knowing her it was Wal-Mart. Never have met a person who spends more time in that store than Jill. She's one of those neurotic/moronic shoppers that will show up at midnight to buy the latest released DVD, as if the damn thing won't be there tomorrow morning for the same price.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, Jill has a way of saying things that make absolutely no sense, except for in her own mind. You could look at her in puzzlement and she'll just look back at you and say, "What? What did I do?" So there we were jabbering away about nothing, when suddenly she says, "Hey, have you ever tried driving with only one foot?" Imagine me holding the phone out and looking at it in puzzlement. "Jill, what the hell are you talking about, with one foot? Isn't that how everyone drives an automatic?" So she says something like, "Yeah, but I mean REALLY only with one foot!" "Jill, I REALLY only drive with one foot. What the hell is wrong with you?" And back and forth we went until she said, "NO! Like if you tuck your left foot up in a position it usually isn't in! I can't drive like that!" OMG bloggers, I wanted to bitch-slap her right through the phone. I don't care if you want to throw your left foot out the window, you should still be able to drive with your right foot, no?

These are the kind of conversations Jill is famous for. It's like you know she's intelligent, but she goes off into this other stratosphere of the incredibly dumb for a while and it's not easy bringing her back. She'll argue her "point" as if there really is a point to begin with.

In a past post I told you that if she scratches her scalp in just the right spot she sneezes. Well, last night she was IMing with me and said, "Justine! There's something I HAVE to tell you about myself. Something I never realized before." I told her to tell me tomorrow, that I needed to go to bed. "NO! I have to tell you NOW. It's important!" So I brace myself for some profound confession or some earth-shattering self enlightenment. But what does my freaky deeky of a sister say? "Justine, I just realized something I've been doing for years and years and never knew I was doing it." "Okay, like... what?", I'm thinking. Jill goes on, "Every time I sit down to pee, I have to blow my nose!"
Another one of those puzzled looks from me, but this time at the monitor screen. I said, "Goodnight Jill." She said, "No wait! It's true! I can't pee without blowing my nose, and even now that I'm thinking of peeing, my nose is starting to run!
I have to look this up online and see if there's a connection!"

Oh... my... gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you even fathom having this conversation with your 32 year old sister? Does she really think she's going to find a correlation between having to pee and a runny nose? How would one Google that anyway? I hastily told her she was a freak of nature and "hung up" the IM. She obviously didn't take kindly to this, as I woke up this morning with an email from her with one word. "BITCH". ROFLMAO! I haven't yet spoken to her today but I am mighty curious to see if she actually did try to research this phenomena.

Until next time, Justine :o )