The Painama Canal

So my right ear has been pretty itchy lately.  So what do I do?  I stick my finger in there and wiggle it around really fast, as if I'm having a conniption, to try and relieve the itch.  Does it work?  Temporarily, but then the little bugger starts itching again, feeling like I have a few juicy worms wriggling around in there.

Saturday I sneezed at least 5 times.  I'm a rare sneezer.  It's just not my thing.  Hmph, I thought, maybe I'm coming down with a cold.

Sunday, my ear started itching even more fiercely and it was starting to hurt.  Badly.  I figured I'd just "ear-itated" (mine and Madison's word for when you've muffed up your ear) it with all that spastic wiggling I was doing.

But by later in the day it was also crackling and popping.  Not so much like I had Rice Krispies in there.  More like bubble wrap.  So now it's itchy, it's clogged, it's popping and I'm in pain.  So much so that sleeping on my right side was nearly impossible, and dammit, I'm a right-side sleeper!

Monday was more of the same.  Pain, snap, crackle, pop, and feeling in desperate need of Roto Rooter.  I emailed Ethel and asked if she could whip out her ear scope and let me know if I was just "earitated" or needed to see the doctor.  Well wouldn't you know she chose Sunday as the day to work in the garage, non-stop, not even taking a break to eat?  Or find her scope?  I walked over there to stare as she swung Christmas lights to and fro, all the while trying to look even more pitiful than I felt so that she would stop what she was doing and find that damn scope for me.  It didn't work.  She's impenetrable when she's on a mission.

So this morning I called my wonderful doctor and was able to get an appointment for 11:00.  By 11:30 I was on my way to CVS to pick up my drugs.  Drugs for a really bad, absolutely raging ear infection.  When Dr. Kaluza (she's from Poland and has the cutest accent.  Oh!  And her hubby is the office manager and he's cute and he has the cute accent too!  Swoon.) put that scope in my ear (she had no trouble finding hers, thank goodness) she said, "Oh, it's bad.  Bad bad."  Well that's encouraging!  She tells me my ear canal is vastly infected and so swollen that she could barely even glimpse my middle ear.  So, she gives me a prescription for heavy duty antibiotics (which I still haven't taken) and steroid drops to kill some of the swelling in there.

As soon as I got home I put the drops in my ear and laid down for a nap.  When I woke up and went downstairs for coffee, I sat here at my computer and heard and felt a POP and then... Ewwwwwwwwww.  Stuff came out of my ear.  Stuff you don't want in your ear, let alone coming out of it.  And blood.  Did I mention blood?  So yeah, now my ear drum is perforated.  But that's actually a good thing in my opinion because when it split open and spilled its goo, it took so much of the pressure off my ear and with it, the pain.  Yippeeee for torn ear drums!

So that's been my day.  How has yours been?

And before I go, may I just show you this picture I came upon in People Magazine?  It's Mo'Nique (is that spelling really necessary?) from the new movie, Precious.

Lovely, right?  Nice hair, good makeup, beautiful dress.

But do you notice something innately wrong here?  Come on, take a closer look.  It can't just be me that it popped out at.

Still don't see it?


Okay, how about now?

Uh huh, bitch got all dressed up fancy-like for her photo shoot but left the fur on her legs.  Don't get me wrong... it's winter, we can go weeks without shaving if we're wearing pants.  And not having photo shoots done for People Magazine.

Does she somehow imagine this is attractive?  At all appropriate when wearing a pretty dress and kick-ass pumps?  And having a photo shoot done with People Magazine???

Dear Mo'Nique,


I understand that your performance in Precious may win you Academy Award recognition.  I understand that it is your right to let the hair on your legs grow as long as your pubic hair.  But Mo'Nique, I'm pleading with you.  The next time you're to be photographed in a dress?  Break out the Epilady!!!


Folliclely yours,

Justine

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more

. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

My Balls Are Shiny

A few nights ago, while enjoying temperatures in the 40s, Mikayla and I decided to put some lights up outside.  I think it's a given that there will be no lights up on the house this year.  Jimmy is not a lover of heights so if I wanted it done I'd have to drag my neighbor, Tom, down here to do it.  Being that he's already put lights on at least 3 houses on our block I think I should cut the guy a break, don't you think?

I usually go hog-wild with the lights but as I've previously stated, I've kind of lost my Christmas jingle so we're keeping it more low-key this year.  Mikayla did all the shrubs and two Chinese fan palm tree trunks and I concentrated on the Canary date palm in the middle of the lawn.

Have you ever gotten a splinter from a Canary date palm?  No?  Well neither had I, until the other night.  Holy crap, is there some kind of poison in these things?  That sucker hurt!  And I don't even know exactly what got me because it wasn't one of the 3" long thorns that cover the stalks of the fronds.

Anyway, here are some lousy pictures of our work in progress.  If anyone has any tips for me on getting decent night shots with a digital camera, please share, 'cause I'm desperate!

 

I hung some shiny and glittery balls from the fronds.

 

 

There were many many inappropriate ball references going on this night, and I had Mikayla cracking up.  Below is an example of things I was saying and in my very odd, Cartman-ish voice. I decided I'd make you a sample video of what I sounded like while hanging my balls.  I was looking disgusting at the time so I just pointed the camera at my computer.  Turn up the volume if you dare.







While Mikayla and I were working our little elf fingers to the bone with lights, Madison and Jimmy were at her Snow Ball at school.  For those of you that remember last year's pictures, yes, she's wearing the same dress!

That's just my little kitchen tree that I got on clearance last year at Target.  Cute though, right?  Oh, and that fugly garland on the railing?  It's coming down, baby!  Blech!

Hey Elizabeth, did you notice what's on Madison's wrist???

I think Strudel was feeling a little left out.

Doesn't she look sad?

Anyway, yesterday I took a couple of pictures while it was still light out.  Ya know, of my shiny balls.

And just once in a while when it's cold (or I'm sick) I crave a cup of strong tea.  Ahhhhh... it hit the spot!

Last night I bought some red lights to add to the white on the shrubs, so if either Mikayla or I get around to putting them out, I'll show you guys updated pictures.  I also bought nearly all my required baking supplies to prepare for Christmas Eve.  Yikes!  I have to somehow get motivated to start whipping up my desserts!

So far on my list is my famous, extra rich cheesecake, this year with blackberry topping; the ever present rainbow petit fours; butter nut cookies; an Italian cream cake; sand cookies from a recipe in the Dorothea Benton Frank book, A Christmas Pearl, and sugar cookies.  Jill will be very pissed to know that I'm not making my also famous chocolate cake with white chocolate-peppermint mousse and chocolate ganache.  I'm tired of making it!  But, Mikayla found a fudge cake recipe she wants to try and she will be making the white chocolate peppermint mousse to layer it with.  Go Mikayla!

I'll try to take pictures as we go along!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Touched By An Angel. Or Two.

About a week ago I had the privilege of having a reading done by Amity, also known as Sassy Pants Freckle Face here in Blogland. Amity describes herself as a metaphysical Catholic but to simplify it here, she's basically an angel reader. She uses Archangel oracle cards and calls on her guardian angels to give her guidance while doing a reading for you.

My first impression on Amity? Totally down to earth!!! She did my reading while picking up one of her daughters at school and continued on with it as she was going through the Wendy's drive-thru. Would you believe they had the nerve to hand her a Frosty with a hair on top? Ewwwww!

Amity and I were having a bit of a problem getting a good "connection" with one another. She said my mind is very scattered. Well geez, there's something I didn't already know! Anyway, I did some deep breathing and tried to clear my mind but you know how that goes when you're a bit of a mental case.

Some of things Amity said were spot-on, some more obscure and hard to figure out. Still yet there are some things that still make no sense to me, but I'm hoping that some day the light bulb in my brain will go off and I'll have a EUREKA! moment.

I won't go into detail on what the reading revealed, but I will tell you this. Amity is a wonderful, warm, loving woman and I know all of you would enjoy getting to know her. Please, go visit her at Sassy Pants Freckle Face and tell her I sent you along!

Now my second reference to an angel is of the human variety, in particular my good friend, Sara, from Sara's Sweet Surprise.

Recently Sara had a wonderful giveaway on her blog with an item so beautiful I knew it just had to be mine.  Of course, my name had to be put in the hat like any other but ooh bloggers, I won it!!!  Wait till some of you decor-junky-apothecary-lovin'-cloche-in-any-form covetous ladies get a load of this!  I only wish it had been sunny when I took this picture, but alas, it's been raining all day so the light just wasn't that good.  Plus, I didn't take the time to put it against a plain background so you really can't get the full effect of its gorgeousness.

But here it is... the mac daddy of all apothecary decanters!

This sucker is huge and the glass so fragile and beautiful.  I tell ya, I was doing Gloria's happy dance when I opened the box!

When I first learned that I'd won this, I thought it would be perfect for our homemade Baileys that we serve on Christmas Eve.  But... this sucker is so ginormous that we'd need a few gallons just to fill it up!  So, I went into Picket mode and started thinking of other ways I could use it.  And for now, this is what I came up with.

Ooh, there's that damn vacuum showing up in my pictures again!  Must remember to do some cropping before putting on the blog.

So what do you think?  Cute, right?  I think it needs a bit of ribbon around the finial (yeah, I know it's a lid but I feel fancy schmacy saying "finial", so leave me be!), but I don't have any handy at the moment.  And hey Gloria, you'll be happy to know those are plastic balls (heeheehee... I said balls) from Dollar Tree!

One last look, a close-up this time.

Sara, I don't know how to thank you enough for this wonderful, beautiful jar.  I love it so much, but not as much as I love you!!!

One last thing.  These pictures were taken with my brand spakin' new Nikon Coolpix L100 camera.  It's not the fanciest of cameras like I some day want to own but I lurvs this thing!  I exchanged another camera I had recently bought because the thing was so tiny I could barely hold it.  This is a nice chunky camera, perfect for my chunky hands!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!