Frickin' Frackin' Computer Trouble!

So, the other day I go to sign on to check my mail. Can't connect to the server. Hmm... that's odd. Call Comcast. Jimmy didn't pay the bill. Oopsie! Call him at work, he gets online and pays the bill. Still no connectivity. Call them, they say they're resetting me and I should be online. WELL! Eight friggin' calls to them later, it still ain't working! Finally today, I got a halfway intelligent representative that said, "Well wait, your router probably got messed up when we disconnected you. Let me connect you to your router company's tech line." It took over an hour, and then some additional tweaking from me, but I seem to be online once again!!!!!!!!

But now I'm totally bloggerwhelmed, because I've missed an entire two and a half days of reading your blogs. So please forgive me for not being there to read them lately. I'll try and catch up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid Frickin' Questions

Someone, please tell me what causes a nose to whistle uncontrollably! And tell me why it only seems to happen at night, while lying in bed trying to sleep.

There I lay, snuggled down into my pillow, silicone snausages in place. Turn on the CPAP machine, and close my eyes. :::::::Squeak squeak, whistle whistle::::::: What the hell? So, I snort and snort to no avail. Then I try blowing out through my nose without dislodging the snausages and sending them flying across the room. Can't happen since they're attached to my damn head. Nothing works, and who can sleep with all this racket inside my head? That, on top of all the other weird shit that goes on in there when all is quiet and no one is bothering me.

Is there a booger stuck in there, making it hard for the air to get by? Is it a nasal hair blowing in the breeze? Someone give me the answer to this, because it's driving me flipping crazy!

I wonder if these guys have the same problem?







And while I'm on the subject of stupid questions, maybe someone can explain this. Why is it that on cool days, my front windshield will fog up, but the rest of the windows in the car don't? Does that make any kind of sense? What's so damn special about the front window that it gets the whole fog experience and the rest of the windows sit there in all their naked, see-thru glory? It just ain't right.

Look What I've Been Reduced To!

Oh boy, first I was cursed with the dreaded CPAP machine and all the discomfort that entails, now this! What's this? Very swollen limbs, that's what! Most prominently my left foot and ankle. It's been doing this for over a week now. I wake up and my foot is normal size. A few hours later, after sitting at the computer and just floating around the house, I look like I've got elephantitis! You don't believe me? BAH! You should know me by now. I don't fib. Hell, I don't even exaggerate most of the time. And just to prove it, here's a picture of my foot from two nights ago.

Oh, that's right. You've all already seen this from my picture game. Well, tough patooties. It's part of my story!

So yesterday I went to see my doctor. She took one look at my foot and said, "Whoa, you're retaining a lot of fluid there!" No! Ya think? She proceeded to examine me, made me pull up my pant leg and stand up for her, where she proceeded to poke, prod, rub and squeeze my leg. Nope, no pain, so that's good, but she said it wasn't just my foot and ankle that was swollen. The swelling went all the way up to the knee. First order of business is a sonogram, which was supposed to be done today on an emergency basis, just in case of a blood clot. But, I couldn't make it today, so I'll be having it done Tuesday. In the meantime, I'm on a very mild water pill and... get this... No, I can't even say it out loud! It's just too horrendous. Announcing this to all of blogland will just be too much of a blow to my pride, my vanity, my self worth! I can't do it.

Shit, you didn't really believe all that crap, did you?

I have to wear compression stockings! Also known as support hose. Also known as granny socks. Ain't my leg looking purty?

Do you see how swollen I am? Ugh, this sucks! Have to cut down on my salt too, which if you ask me is a major travesty. So, now you all can feel double sorry for me, because not only do I have to wear these stupid things all day, but then at night I get to shove snausages up my nose. Did I mention they came in the mail today? Yep, got them back and have to send the mask from hell back to the company. Let me remind you what the snausages look like...



These days I'm feeling very speshool, that's for sure!

What Have I Done???

I have created a monster! Yeah, you heard me, and that Monster's name is Jill. Yep, my beloved, quirky-dirky sister Jill, of Jill's Believe it or Not.

Dont' believe me? Just look at this picture of herself she sent me.


Friggin' scary, isn't it? Especially because she seems to have had a sex change without my knowing! Damn unsightly.

For months now, Jill has rolled her eyes at me over my blogging addiction, telling me I was crazy for toting my camera everywhere with me. But now? It's all she can talk about! Every time we're on the phone I hear the same thing: "I've got another idea for a blog post! What do you think of (insert stupid title that actually makes me laugh)?" And I just know she has something evil up her sleeve. I know this because she says, "I'm working on a blog post that concerns you." but will not give me the details. Rut roh. I am so screwed, aren't I?

The weirdest part of this is that I never knew how damn funny Jill actually was! Yes, stupid funny, silly funny, quirky funny, but writing funny? Nope, never did know it, and I must say, she trumps me! Oh, how it hurts to admit that. But man, I read her latest post last night (while on the phone with her) and nearly split my sides laughing.

I'm not feeling jealous or anything. Not even feeling threatened This is such a lie. If she doesn't stop being funnier than me I may have to hijack her blog at all. I wuv my sister and wish her only the very best in blogland. And if she winds up with more readers than me I'll kill her with a blunt object.




Don't worry, I still love you Jilly!

Bring it on, Sista!!!

What the Hell is THAT? III, Answers Revealed!

Yes, my fine feathered friends! It is once again time to play Tiney's What the Hell is THAT? Now most of these are pretty darn easy, so I have high hopes that your guesses will be spot-on. Don't let me down bloggers!!!!!!

Okay guys, I have to say a lot of you did really well, but some surprised me with some really whacky answers! But Jill, my very own sister, got the most right, although she definitely loses points because she skipped #6! And hers is also the guess that made me laugh the hardest. Shrek's butt-hole? Brilliant!
1) I know this is going to scare some of you, but yes, this is my left foot, two nights ago. And yes, I'm seeing the doctor this afternoon to find out why this keeps happening! I'd like to know how Stephanie guessed this as an eyebrow? heeheehee!




2)



3)

Shrek's butt-hole...


4)

My eye, and if you look closely, you'll see the reflection of the camera and my hand. And if you look to the right of my eye, you'll see a little "hole" That's where my eyebrow piercing used to be. I want it back! You can also see how old and wrinkly these 38-year-old eyes are starting to get! Ewwww!

5)

My new Caboodles makeup thingy that I'm bringing back. I need more compartments because this is just a mess!



6)

And, my brand new, very beloved $14 purse from Payless! I heart this thing! Take that Stephanie, you Gucci wearin', Louis Vuitton totin' princess!

And before I go, let me just grace you with yet another horrible picture of me that I obviously took myself. You know what? It's only recently that I've realized I have dimples!!!

Thanks so much for playing with me again! It's been a blast-0-rama!

Okay bloggers, make me proud and good luck!

My Coffee Cup Runneth Over

Ooh, lucky me! My new friend "C" over at Tattooed Minivan Mama presented me with this oh so cool award today. It's so up my alley, being that I'm addicted to the bean. Go visit her if you want a giggle or two, but if you're easily offended you may just wanna skip it. My friend "C" doesn't tend to hold anything back... hasn't yet learned the art of "less is more" like I have. Yeah, right. I might just have to track her down and stab her with a tattoo gun too, because she refuses to tell me her real name! Of course, she'd probably enjoy that torture, so let me think of something else...

Okay, as we all know, most of these awards come with some sort of rules, right? I usually go against the grain and skip them, but in this case, I likey the rules because I love answering questions! So, here goes.

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood?
Yep, but just one, Sinead.  I've mentioned her a bunch of times here on the Froggy Bloggy, but the pain in the ass won't send me new pictures of herself so I can formally introduce you!  We've been friends since the tender ages of 3 (her) and 4 (me).  We haven't lived anywhere near each other since about 1979 or so, but we've kept in close touch all these years.  Pretty amazing, don't you think?

2. What do you value most about your friends?
Let's see.  Honestly, loyalty, and letting me bitch as much as I want about Jimmy, and always agreeing with me that I AM RIGHT.  LOL

3. Are your friends sounding boards?
Are you kidding me?  I bounce so much crap off of them it's a wonder they're not bruised!

4. What is your favorite activity to share with friends?
Okay, so I'm a loser and my only "in real life" friend that lives anywhere near me is Jill.  And you guys already know what I enjoy doing with her.  Making fun of her, shopping, making fun of her, shopping, making fun of her, eating.  You get the picture.

Now comes the tricky part... people I want to present this award to. Can't I just give it to everyone on my blog roll? Nah, that'd take too long, listing all those lovely ladies and one gorgeous man. So let me try and narrow it down to just a few for now.

1) My beautiful sister Jill, at her VERY OWN BRAND NEW BLOG! She now resides at JillsBelieveItOrNot. She hasn't written anything on it yet, so give her a few days before you visit, but don't forget about her or you'll make me laugh cry!

2) Buffie, at My Left Foot. Oh, we all know Buffie, right? That oh so beautiful, but whacky, quirky, crazy woman? I'm proud to call her a friend, and am lucky enough to be graced with her cyber presence each and every day. Love you Buffaroonie!

3) Bridget, at My Silly Blog. Another one of my closest and dearest friends! Her blog covers everything from A-Zany, so give her a look-see and tell her Tiney sent ya!

4) Becky, my Schmeckalicious friend over at SchmeckyGirl. Becky's blog usually revolves around her gorgeous daughters ,Peyton and Tatum (don't you love those names?), and their various adventures, but once in a while she throws in a zinger! Love you Becky!!!!!!!!!!

5) Stephanie, over at Mama Still Wears Gucci. Her writing CRACKS ME UP. Go read about her current pregnancy woes, and everything else that just generally pisses her off!

6) Rhea at Texas Word Tangle. Rhea is just plain old fun! She's witty, and pretty and bright! Wait, isn't that a song? Really, give her a peek, you won't be disappointed.

7) Shelia, over at Note Songs. Shelia never fails to put a smile on my face with her sugary sweet posts, and stories about her, Mr. Precious and fuzzy Chloe Dawn. Love you Shelia!!!!!!!!

And that's it for now, or I'll be sitting here all day! I've made so many fantastic, talented friends here in blogland, but alas, I must get off my ass (Ooh, another rhyme!) now.

What's In My Purse, You Ask?

I'll tell you what's in it. A mess, that's what! Nothing drastically embarrassing mind you, but still, it was obviously way past due to be cleaned out, and I've only been using this purse for a month. I hate this thing too, because it's so floppy and big that I can never find anything in it. You may remember it from a long ago post... Jimmy brought it home with him from Italy. Fake Prada. Ooh la la.

So, I dumped it all out and put it into piles according to... well, according to what it was! There, that doesn't look too bad, does it?


It's only when I start focusing on the different piles that it starts to look ridiculous. I mean, what is with all these lipsticks I carry around? I almost never wear lipstick, as you've seen in umpteen pictures of me!


Then we have the ever-present gum, half of which has no home, aside from floating from one end of my purse to the other. I blame this on the kids, of course. And dental floss is a must for when I've got something stuck in my teeth. This way I can either saw it out while driving, or do it while walking around Wal-Mart. Very inconspicuously of course. Yes, I'll admit, I've done it before dammit!



Let's see. Change purse with stray coins that never made it in, and my wallet with a ten dollar bill that I just stuffed in my purse earlier today. See, yesterday Madison slept at Amrita's house, and today they were going to the movies. So, I took $20 out at the ATM for her. Today when she got home, she handed the change to Jimmy. Um, excuse me? Who drove to the ATM? Who drove her to her friend's house? Well, stupid silly man that he is he left it on the coffee table. So, the moment his back was turned, I nabbed it and hid it in my purse. Yep, I'm sneaky like that.

Then up there in the left corner is some Tylenol... again, not sure why I carry this since I rarely get headaches. But hey, I can help someone else out if they're in pain, right? And next to that is an Rx bottle with like one pill in it for nausea. I have a bad tummy, and that's just there for an emergency.

Below that, we have the requisite lighters and matches. I never use matches, but they're from my favorite tattoo place, and keep them for sentimental reasons. Did I tell you about how last year Madison decided to try matches and lit my purse on fire? No? Well, too bad, I'm not telling you now either. Oh shit, I just did, didn't I?

You can also see my key chain which says I "heart" San Diego. Jimmy's fabulous cousin Chrissy bought that for me while we were visiting last August. And next to that, just some boring pens, one of which seems to have exploded. I was wondering why I kept finding blue ink on my fingers! Mystery solved! I'm like frickin' Sherlock!

This next pic here is of my little "Jillisms" notebook. As you can see, it's been shoved around quite a bit in that cavernous fake Prada and is showing some wear. Not to mention the cover has separated itself from the notebook. I'd better get a new one STAT, because you just never know when Jill is going to say something stupid. I must be prepared! And speaking of Jill, that little candy is from our recent trip to Mama Fu's. Ah, that day was so filled with Jillisms, it gives me the warm fuzzies.



Now, I'm usually really good about keeping my receipts neatly folded and inside my wallet, but when I've purchased something deemed unimportant, I either throw the receipt out, or into my purse. This is the result.



And here is my junk pile. Old gum wrappers, one of the lists I hand to Danny, my favorite deli guy at Publix every week, as seen here. I must have been there one week when my man wasn't able to help me, and I actually had to wait on line like a regular customer, hence the numbered ticket thingy.



And that my friends is what was in my purse. What's in yours? Do you dare reveal it? If you do, there's one rule. No sorting through and throwing crap out! If you do this, you must show it in all its disgusting glory!!!!!!!

It's Like an Athletic Cup On My Face

Remember I told you that Michelle, the respiratory therapist would be coming back this week to fit me with a different mask? Well, she stopped by yesterday and I chose the same kind of mask that I had worn for the sleep study. I tried it on and it felt fine, so I gave her the "nasal pillow" back, and took this one. Well! I want my snausages back!!!!!!!!!

This thing is awful. Awful I tell you! When sitting upright, it's not so bad. But the moment I lay down it's so uncomfortable! It digs into my cheeks, it practically covers my upper lip, and it pokes me in the corners of the eyes!!!!!!! And did I mention it smells? Yes people, it IS like having an athletic cup over my face.



Just turn it over so the pointed side is facing up, and there you have it!!!!!!!! Look, I even took a picture of me pretending to sleep so you can see!



Hell, if I'm going to wear a cup over my nose, I'd prefer it looks like this...






Somebody should have bikini waxed him before they snapped this shot though, don't you agree?

Anyhoo, I've got Michelle putting my snausages in the mail, so hopefully I'll have them within a few days. I can't wait to get rid of this damn thing!

On a brighter note, my good friend Frenchie at British Colonial Love Affair gave me this beautiful new award. French, you are such a special person, are so filled with love and talent, and I am so honored to call you a friend. Thank you sweetie!



Now of course, dontchya know there are RULES that come with this award. I'm supposed to write about 6 things that I value, and 6 things that I do not value. So, here goes nothin'.

I Value:

1) My children and the joy they bring me each and every day. Even though Madison frustrates me by striving to be the very best liar on the planet, her smile and wit never fail to make me smile. And even though Mikayla is going through a case of puberty from hell, her saucy attitude and brilliant mind make me the proudest mama on earth.

2) The relationship I have with Jill and the joy it brings me. With Jill I can just be me, no pretenses, no makeup, no bra... just me. Who wouldn't want a sister as a best friend? And one you're so comfy with you don't mind if she comes in the bathroom and talks to you through the glass stall while you're showering?

3) Friendship. It's true that I don't have many "in real life" friends, Sinead being the exception, but I have made such good, strong friendships with so many women online (and a few men too!) that I never really feel alone.

4) Honesty. It's one of the most important things to me, and something I strive to be at all times, unless to spare a person's feelings. Even then I feel guilty if I tell a fib. This honesty thing has gotten me into hot water more times than I'd care to mention but at least my conscience is clear.

5) Financial security, which we barely have right now, but we've definitely got it better than oodles of others. Just knowing I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes on our bodies is a good thing.

6) Coffee. I know, I know, it's shallow, but I'm sorry. I do love my coffee!

Things I don't value:

1) Dishonesty. And not just things that affect me. I'm not naming names here (ahem), but if you've bought a 2-pack of enemas and you use one, and then return the other, saying the first one leaked, when in fact it cleansed you quite well, I find that dishonest and unethical.

2) People who judge you just by the way you look. Whether you're fat or thin, black, white, or purple, whether you're a dwarf or mentally disabled, you deserve the same kindness and respect as the person next to you.

3) Racism. A bit different than #2, but along the same lines. Don't hate all Muslims just because a bunch of fanatics attacked us. Don't cringe each time you see an Arab person. They probably feel even more disgust than you do about what happened on 9-11.

4) SHIT! I'm stumped. I know there are plenty more things I could list, but I'm having a major brain fart that won't go away. You'll just have to accept 3 things I don't value!

His Love

I sit upon this rock and stare,
as crystal waves crash,
the breeze ruffling my hair.

Sun shining down with warming rays,
traversing the sky in mysterious ways,

The air is cool and sweet,
it caresses my skin,
but dark and cold are what I feel from within.

I look up to my God above,
and ask of Him, "Why am I not worthy of love?"

His answer comes silent
but clear as the day,
Just follow me and I'll show you the way.

With me at your side
You are never alone
My love for you
is greater than any you have known.

I've watched you closely
all these years
It's been my hand that has reached out to dry your tears

While earthly love is a wonderful thing
it cannot replace the grace that I bring

So sit here, daughter of my heart
and rejoice of what surrounds you,
my creation, divine art.

Don't feel alone
for I'll always be at your side,
It is for you that my only Son died.

Justine    10-15-08

Autumn in N. Florida

For many of you, autumn is a beautiful time of year, when the air is crisp and cold in the morning, geese are seen flying south, and the trees are bursting with all those beautiful colors. It's probably the time of year when you call out a service to clean your chimney, and afterwards, stack logs on the grate in preparation for a cozy night near the fire. Where you live, moms are probably going through their "winter clothes" boxes, pulling out long pants, long sleeves, coats and mittens.

I live in Florida. Autumn schmautumn. Where are my cold mornings? Where are my trees bursting with beautiful color? Sure, I have a fireplace, but it's run on gas for goodness sakes. And we don't have any gas! Do farts count? Because in that case we can set a bonfire in my family room. But anyway it would be no fun to sit around a roaring fire in a tank top and shorts with the a/c blasting. Ah, Florida in autumn. Dead palm fronds. Oh, joy!


I bet a lot of you have porches decorated with lots of pumpkins, corn stalks, Indian corn and bales of hay, right?



Well lucky you! I might be able to do something like this...


But that doesn't look very autumn-y does it? And truth be told, if I went out and bought some pumpkins right now, they would probably be a rotted pile of stinking pulp by Halloween, having sat in the hot Florida sun for two weeks.


Wouldn't want to roast those seeds now, would ya?

I guess I really shouldn't be complaining. After all, it's going down into the 60s tonight and the days have only been in the mid-80s. Almost time to break out the sweaters! See what I mean?


Tonight: A slight chance of sprinkles. Partly cloudy, with a low around 68. East wind between 7 and 10 mph, with gusts as high as 20 mph.

Wednesday: A slight chance of sprinkles. Partly cloudy, with a high near 83. East wind between 7 and 14 mph.

Wednesday Night: Mostly clear, with a low around 64. Northeast wind between 3 and 9 mph.

Thursday: Sunny, with a high near 83. Calm wind becoming northeast between 5 and 8 mph.

Thursday Night: Mostly clear, with a low around 63. East wind around 5 mph becoming calm.

Friday: Mostly sunny, with a high near 85.

Friday Night: Partly cloudy, with a low around 65.



But in all sincerity, I really have enjoyed the winter months here in north Florida. Having come from the west coast where winter was a complete joke, being up here is almost as good as being in Georgia or South Carolina. Kind of. Sort of. Okay, not really. But, come November we should really start getting some cool days in the 50s and 60s, and some nights during the winter it will actually go down into the upper 20s. Now that I'm looking forward to!

I've spent 1-1/2 winters here in Saint Augustine now, and both I got through with nothing heavier than a zippered sweatshirt. But, because it is my habit to sit out on the back porch while emailing and blogging, I've decided I need something heavier this year. I actually ordered a jacket today! Can you see me bouncing up and down in anticipation of wearing it? I remember quite a few nights sitting out here, typing with numb fingers, so maybe I'll even get some gloves this year! Ooh, the excitement!


But you know what the best part of cold weather is? I don't have to shave my legs!!!!!!!! That's right. I can just let the hair grow into a bushy tangled mess and no one even knows! Bwaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hell, maybe this year I'll strive to get the leg hair long enough to french braid. Now wouldn't that be fun?