- Yawning. What is up with it? Even just typing the word I'm yawning. I actually Googled this very thing this week and guess what I found out? Scientists don't quite know why we yawn. They say it could be the body's response to needing more oxygen, but if that were the case, why is it catching? When's the last time you saw someone yawn and didn't yawn yourself? It just doesn't happen! And for that matter, why do animals yawn? Okay, I've gotta move on because I'm going to crack my jaw if I yawn one more time.
- I have this hair that shows up a few times a year, right over my clavicle bone. Unlike the rest of the man hairs on my body, this one is always very fine and usually blonde. Well, the little fucker showed up again this week but it wasn't blonde. Oh no, now it's gone on to turn gray. I don't understand what makes a single hair grow in this one spot, or why it seems it's not there one day, but the next it's there and 3" long. And curly. I actually plucked it out and saved it. Tried getting pictures of it for you all but it was just too fine to show up on a picture. I'm sure you're all sighing with relief.
- Have you ever been poked in the head with an eating utensil? I can now say that I have. Last weekend Mikayla asked me if I wanted to try a spoonful of her ice cream, knowing I can't have a bowl myself. But as soon as I reached for her spoon she pulled it away from me and cradled the bowl under her non-existent bosom. I grabbed for it anyway and that's when she took the spoon and poked me in the head with it. This is just one reason I've nick-named her Bitchayla. But I got her good because I then grabbed her and stuck my whole hand in her ice cream and took out a nice hunk of cookie dough. Oh yes I did!
- Speaking of nick names. Where the hell did they come from? James to Jim, Robert to Bob, Richard to.... Dick. Heeheehee... I said dick. Please someone, tell me how this happened! I can understand Linda to Lin, or Stephanie to Steph... that's just shortening the name. But how on earth did we get DICK from Richard?
- Am I the only one who feels jipped when the hole in my bagel is big? Sometimes I think I'd be justified in eating an additional half to make up for the enormous gaping hole in the middle. It's just not fair. In my opinion there should be a set ratio of delicious, chewy goodness to... hole. I want consistency dammit! Did you hear that, Lender's?
- So, there's this elderly lady in my neighborhood that obviously enjoys long, casual walks at night. If you're driving around at about 7 p.m. you're sure to see her. The girls and I call her "Old Lady With Cell Phone and Cigarette" because we have never seen her walking without the cell to her ear and a cig in her other hand. I think it's lovely that she takes walks to keep her blood circulating, but I wonder if depleting her oxygen intake with the cigarette, and burning brain cells with the cell phone is counter-productive to her cause. And just who the hell is she talking to anyway?
- This week my friend Ethel and her friend, Lucy, had a big birthday bash. For their chihuahuas. I shit you not. There were homemade dog cupcakes made with duck, there were goody bags filled with homemade treats, there was even a huge cake for the humans.
Ooh, but I do have some puppy pictures that Ethel sent me!
Here's Cheech doing a handstand as he eats his cupcake. He's also being schooled in the art of yoga.
Frasier, the super pug with Margarita, Lucy's dog.
Even Michelle went to the party and she's allergic to dogs! Of course she was obligated, as she is the dogs' godmama. I didn't even know Cheech and Chong were Catholic.
Fred, making sure the puppies eat daintily.
The human cake. I notice there are candles on there. Must ask Ethel who blew them out, the dogs or the humans.
That's all I've got this week! I can't wait to see who links up and what you have to say. I was really overjoyed that so many joined me last week! Thank you!!!
- The other night, while sitting out here in my bitch cave I suddenly heard someone belting out the last line of the Star Spangled Banner. I thought to myself, is that Larry? And if so, why is he singing the Star Spangled Banner? I don't take him as a sports fan...
It turns out Ethel also heard his backyard debut, but unlike me, who was able to determine whose voice it was, she went running outside thinking there was an injured cat. I shit you not.
Favorite Bloggy Quote of the Week:
Comes to us from ThatGirl at That Girl Blogs, speaking to the CEO of Apple:
Dear Steve Jobs,
Women don’t want to buy anything called iPad. It reminds us that we get iPeriods and that they iSuck. It makes us think about messy iUnderwear, iTampons, and yes. iPads.
Hold a focus group next time.
Pssst! If you love me, you might love my